dreams. what exactly are dreams? I've many dreams every night and even within just that ten minutes while i doze off reading a book.

i had a bad dream last night, a nightmare you call it. it made my heart skip a beat cos' i dreamed that i fell off a mountain i was climbing and nobody was there to help. then the thing is they could only watch me fall.

i woke up, glad that it was all a dream. i tried to go back to sleep but i couldn't. i cant help but think what the dream meant. maybe its telling me that nobody cares. maybe its telling me what's the point of working so hard? eventually I'll still fail or lose to others. i became so fed up with myself and finally i drifted back into my sleep.

for that twenty minutes, i had another dream. well, it was a much better one. it wasn't even a dream. it was more like a playback of my past. my brain wanted me to remember some things and to my surprise, what i thought i had long forgotten had 'happened' all over again so vividly just now.

that was me when i was much much younger, seven or eight years old? sisters and i would always follow my dad on his car to pick my mom off work. we would hide in the car, behind and under the seats, trying our best not to let mommy spot us and then give her a big 'boo'. even though almost all the times she knew we were there, she would pretend to be shocked and smile. those were the days...

what's the point of looking back now? in life, learning from our mistakes ain't the only important thing to do.
moving on is too.

i think my body was signaling to me. its either that I'm too stressed out, or that I'm gonna fall sick soon. this ain't very healthy for me, its making me feel so tired even after i wake up from my nap. so mentally drained.

i asked myself if anyone cared, anyone bothered. i asked if i am a cheap desperate girl asking for some attention and hoping for her existence to be realized. am i? am i really that bad, that lousy? why is it that i have so many friends yet i feel lonely? are they even my friends, or are they all just hypocrites whom I've seen over and over again? why is it that i no longer feel the warmth i used to get. everything seems to become so cold, I'm losing my senses. yesterday is already history, everything i missed is never gonna come back. today is what i fear most. but i shall choose to believe that tomorrow will be a better day. I'll be waiting, waiting for the rainbow after the storm.

today we managed to catch up a little,
but we never seems to finish talking.