I'm back.. (:

Hello there, it has been awhile hasn't it? (:

This blog has been with me for over five years. All these while I kept changing her looks but the content remained pretty much the same - it holds my deepest thoughts and feelings.

If there's any reason why I've decided to make a comeback, its cos of my love ones.. Like the one in aussie and those in army whom I'm too busy to catch up with. Of cos not forgetting those mentors whom I also wanna continue to share my life with. I figured that I'm only going to get busier with some new roles I've taken on so to be able to update this space on the go is most helpful to me. I must say M inspires me a lot whenever I read her entries. Those photos she posts seem to come to life all the time!

Fuck it. I cried. Just because she said,'you should go and reflect, think bout your attitude!'

Is that what I get, for trying and trying so hard to be a good sister, good friend, and a good daughter? Do I not have the freedom, not get the space I wanted? I know you care, but did you think bout what I want?

Ouch, that really stabbed right into my heart. I am stressed, I admit. I wanted to be nice too. But i just couldnt. Cos you were being too demanding. Cant you let me be? Why do I have to please you all the time? I get tired too.

I don't know what's gonna happen later. I feel no wrong and I ain't gonna apologize, like I always do. Lord, help me please.

Geolocate this post.


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Put Your Arms Around Me.

Su asked me today, 'have you moved on?'. well, im sure she's not the only one who wants to know the answer. many of you out there wants to find out too right? i was stunned by her, thought for awhile and before i could even answer, i was tongue-tied. ah huh, the answer was pretty obvious, not just to her, but to me too. have always been running away from this, but yet, i've to face this reality again now. i tried to explain, but i guess i need not say more.

i couldnt believe it. been so long. now and then, i ask myself, how did i actually struggle for so long? what's worse? i've managed to put up a smile on my face and pretend like im fine but deep inside its killing me. you know what? the truth is i've been thinking bout it everyday, without fail. i aint no OK at all. but this is me, i cant, i cant, i just cant change. never mind. if i manage to survive all along, im sure i can continue to do it!

there, it really got me thinking. have i, or have i not? the fact that im upset now, it just shows. shows how much im still not over it yet. im sorry, im such a disappointment, im really lousy. :(

P.S. thank you everyone, if you care.

That original feeling never went away
That's why I’m standing here today.

So many up and downs
And nothing has changed
That's why you know I'm here to stay.