What am I really called for?

endless meetings. hardly catching my breath. there's been loads of joy in doing though. it was about meeting and integrating a new community albeit a secular one. 

oh man, i am sleepy already, though i havent really done any work YET.

been missing home... i dont know why and i dont know how come but i just wanna be back home.. maybe its the bed, maybe its the food.. but who am i kidding? its truly the people that i want to be with.. what's the point when everytime i come back only to await scolding? sigh, there's just so much my heart can take.. so heart broken! :'(

that aside, so many things have been happening in school.. Lord, i will keep repenting on the behalf of NTU, my peers and friends because God we are sorry that we allow this perverse generation to do evil in Your eyes. will you not turn Your face away from us and grant us Your mercy and grace? God I am here to intercede, to stand in the gap and seek You. Would you open heavens and pour out Your blessings on this land? Take back all the curses and deliver us from the evil one!! GOD WE NEEEED YOU

sorry, i tend to get agitated each time it comes to that.. God must hear the prayers of those who love You and fear You. so Father, give me the wisdom to handle all these. let me take not a bit of glory away from You. 

and Abba Dad, bless that man. i will wait till 24 September. I am sure you remember that it marks my second year of consecrating my heart for You. #consecrate 

我尽力了。

妈，

我真的尝试服侍你了。我尽了力满足你了，你还想怎样？我很累了。。。我很爱你，你知道吗？越爱，就越痛。是我这个做女儿的失败了吗？好怀念回到家大家有说有笑的一起吃饭。那些日子，都到哪儿去？对不起，妈。我做不到你要我作的，我不是你想象中要的女儿。你的要求太高了，是我不够好，原谅我吧。我真的尽力了。

女儿上。

One of those days.

Today is one of those days that I am all alone in the middle of the night.. i like it, yet not. you know that fine line between loneliness and time alone? someday i am not very clear myself. being alone is starting to become a norm and i am learning to deal with it. no, not bout feeling like i need a man's love 'cos i am single but its about doing every single thing on my own.

its like how the saying goes, "standing in a crowd full of people but yet feeling all alone".

i dont know how many people can relate to it. i used to be in need of attention from the opposite gender but i realise now is not the case. how do i say this.. its like, i dont mind being on my own these days.. but its just so saddening and discouraging to know that the things i do, i don't know who are there to back me up. who can I trust? who can i pour out my heart and soul to? who is here to hear me and comfort me? where is a girl friend who can walk with me in this journey?

God, I got no one else to turn to but You. I wish You're here right now. I want to see You and meet You. I want a hug, to fall asleep in Your arms. Never leave me nor forsake me Abba Father. Help me to know that even when the whole world walks on me You are here to stay with me. I dont need anyone else but You.