Saturday, April 26, 2014

Rain Down.

its been a week of just crying and crying... from being torn, broken to just repentance and interceding until now finally finding restedness.

its liberating.

i looked back and i grew again in the Lord. yeah i did. how i struggled and just wrestled and eventually surrendered. He has just been speaking to me daily in the entire week. i know He is real. He never left me nor forsaken me.

there were moments i doubted. what 'fruits that will last'? you kidding me? but no Lord, if its in Your Word then yes i hold on to it and it'll come to pass. its OK i bless others. they take my people. i just be faithful to what God has called me and trust in the Lord's timing.

i couldnt help but be reminded of the prayer i made the last 30 days.
break my heart for what breaks Yours
and as i just let it go and broke down at worship last night on the last day of sanctification week, i heard all the selfish prayers of all the sinners. the church is merely a safe hiding place for sinful people. ouch. how much that must have hurt God.

and that's a new lesson i learnt this season. it was beyond the crying for the lost souls alr. it was crying for the division in the church. crying for His bride. crying just how broken we all are and in desperate need for a Saviour in our daily lives.

oh yes Lord. never let Your servant be wise in her own eyes and be self-righteous. i want to seek first Your kingdom and YOUR righteousness.

cheers to the Lord. from strength to strength, glory to glory. #bittersweet :')

Saturday, April 19, 2014

In Between.

Today is after Good Friday but before Easter Sunday.

Recently, i worked very hard in sharing the gospel, spreading the Good News and inviting the lost to church to encounter God. I prayed daily for them to be saved, to have eternal life with God in heaven.

I know that this is a battle that will bring warfare.

More than that, as i prayed for my heart to be broken, God truly showed me the sins of this world. It was probably just the tip of the iceberg, NOTHING compared to Jesus at the cross...

I look at my friends... I no longer see them as people walking around. I begin seeing them as souls who are condemned and destined to be separated from His everlasting love. How can that be God! Then it made me cry for them more. I recognize that I may not be like Paul, a preacher or missionary who goes to the ends of the world. But all I want to do is play my part and fulfill the great commission. If its one life, the angels are also rejoicing!

Not about the numbers... Its about the lives.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

NTU

Genesis 28:15 NIV

I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”

I dont know what is this fire, this dream that God has placed in my heart for this lovely place. Its.. sucha love-hate relationship. It has brought me so much pain yet so much growth and joy. It has been a crazy and bumpy ride ever since I said "yes Lord, here i am, send me."

I never did quite settle down since 2012. Maybe by then i was really a grown up infant in Christ, deemed ready to spread my wings and fly. After a good two years am I beginning to see some light being shed. This journey has taught me to pack my bag well and always be on the go. When God calls, my job is to obey. After a while, I just didn't bother to get comfortable because I know anytime I may just be 'activated'. (Haha, glimpse of a missionary.) From shifting of cell group, network and going to and fro from this place, yes only God never changed through it all. Tiring I dare not deny but His grace kept me through. So much tears all the while. But I do not belong to the world. My home is in the Heaven and when He comes back, I want to be able to put down everything and just go.

Ups or downs, God has never left me nor forsake me. It was humbling at times and very trying period on other times to be put through tests and trials. But as I rise above all the circumstances, I felt that I shine brighter as a diamond that withstood all the refining after being under the pressure to be formed.

All in all, thankful. :)

Saturday, April 05, 2014

Glory of God.

On and off, I catch people commenting that my face seeks radiant. I am thankful and would always point back to God saying its His glory reflected upon me. Wow, what a privilege.

With all the little tests and quizzes ceasing, just when I thought I can finally have a break, final exams are coming right up. This is really an endless cycle, chasing after all the earthly things and if I am not careful,  I can so easily burn out.

As I returned home this weekend, I realised that this is no longer home. The sad truth is coming to pass. My mom always asked if I treated this place like a hotel. Then my answer was no. Now, I may not deny it. I spoke to her for less than 10 sentences weekly. Maybe its a form of defense mechanism. I dont wanna get hurt by her so I build up a wall. Yes, because nothing good and soothing to the soul comes out of her mouth.

But Lord, help me. Let me never harden my heart.