Blinded.

and so... masks on!

Weather: Hazy

haha, what's new this week besides the haze? started wearing masks because the PSI really soared to hazardous levels. i am not quite looking forward to the rain that will cool it down cos its gonna be acid rain... but well, God can change the winds to make it blow away. guess what's most important now is the root of the problem: people stop burning. noticed on social media that many singaporeans are complaining about the doings of indonesia. wonder what happened to 'love our neighbours'? well, i do agree that the minister who commented that we are childish is a little arrogant, but its no time to play the blame game.

blame game. yes, speaking of that... yesterday took a half day leave from research to go out and play (despite the fog). a tiny incident triggered an over reaction from me. as i went home last night to reflect, God revealed to me my belief system of self-blame. i am trying very hard to cope with my emotions and facing up to who i really am.

God, thank You for surfacing to me all the ugly sides of me so that i can change and be refined for the better. 

afterall, diamond comes from a mere piece of charcoal. carbon, on its own is useful and has so much potential. yet under high pressure and over time, it can form into a piece of jewel. and finally the diamond  must be polished before it will sparkle and be counted worthy.

so i pray that though this season is so much moulding and growing, i will not give up on my faith and the calling God has given me. i MUST finish strong. no excuses for anything less. 

and off i am, though tired, to johore bahru for campusrev camp! i remember that last year at this camp, i heard from God to move to youthnet. its a v painful decision and lately i do wonder if its a mistake... 

God, i repent! how can anything that comes from you be wrong at all? i am so short-sighted that i failed to see what you've in store for me and the greater plans...

well, so in the past week, i sum it all up as a battlefield in the mind. been rather depressed and stressed. i MUST encounter God in this camp tonight to clear up the air. i cannot lose sight of Him in the midst of all these chaos.

and most importantly.. though the haze ahead of me is thick and unbearable, He was and is always there. many times i failed to see Him, but His mercy and love remains. :')

so God, would you come and meet me face to face over this weekend? i missed You - Your warm embrace and Your sweet sweet presence - everything about You i miss You so.