yup. another busy week gone by. that's leaving me another few weeks to prelims.

i was sad again. haha.

ok, since im so bored, i shall write bout something that happened last night...
i left my house at 7.15pm and was hoping to reach my destination by 8pm, where it is not very far away. so i waited for my usual 173 which as usual, took like forever to come. its ok, i predicted that, so i waited. then it came like bout 7.25 and it took 5min to bring me to another bus stop where i can take 174 and go to the place. i stood there waited and waited till 7.45pm. no sign of the bus at all. i almost fainted. if i walked there i would probably have reached! (joking) ya, just then, i noticed a 173 coming. then there was this really old uncle chasing after the bus. he made it, but the bus driver simply drove off. and there was yet another man behind waiting to board the bus. i was so disgusted! the uncle was standing next to me, panting away badly. then he shook his head. poor thing. for the next few buses, i noticed that he really had difficulty seeing the numbers on them. poor thing. oh by then, it is almost 8pm. i hoped onto the 174 which was so packed i felt like i was being mashed. eventually, i realised, it took so long for it to come because it was affected by the NDP rehearsal. HAHA

Gotta fix that calender I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be

its the weekends again! school's getting more boring then ever. we're repeating the same things everyday... revision revision and revision. im getting tired of it!

still, many interesting things happened... like Singapore Polytechnic called me for the interview! its next tuesday early evening so wish me luck! actually i thought i just applied the course for fun half expecting that they'll call me back! i'll just go give it a try and see how good i am then. :D (everyone envies me ok)

celebrated simin's birthday on thursday i think. haha, cant really remember. went to commonwealth long john to have lunch and got scolded by the manager there cos he said we were too noisy! well. that's more than 15 of us so how peaceful do you expect? lol.

oh did i tell you, i got my phone changed. using my C902 now. cybershot 5 megapixel! i kinda like it. ((: kinda.

We both know our heart is breaking;
Can we learn from our mistakes?

Dying inside cause I can't stand it
Make or break up
Can't take this madness
We don't even really know why
All I know is baby I
Try and try so hard
To keep our love alive
If you don't' know me at this point
Then I highly doubt you ever will
I really need you to give me
That unconditional love I used to feel
It's no mistaking
We're just erasing
From our hearts and minds

And I know we said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like 'Oh well'
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you
Now no matter what I do

It cuts so deep
It hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me
I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall
How we gon' act
Like what we had
Ain't nothin' at all

We both know our heart is breaking
Can we learn from our mistakes
I can't last one moment alone

cute.

i didnt want to post, but i thought i should just do it. cos once a week, i should keep it updated. so... what's there in my life currently?

1.) besides mugging, which is extremely bad for health, i have also been studying, revising and then back to mugging again. haha, ok, so i assume you get my point.
main focus: O levels! :D

2.) i messed up my life. what do you think? i think im getting nowhere. im sucha waste of time. i dont know what im doing. i hate it this way. im beginning to hate myself, again, so much.

3.) i think i slimmed down. my one-meal-a-day policy is working well. i mean, ok, seriously, i didnt do it on purpose to go on diet. i just lost my appetite all of a sudden and my stomach wasnt hungry. so, do not try this. :D

a photo speaks a thousand words. i believe my previous post already spoke too many words. haha. yupp, that was what i was busy with for the past weekend. so happening! well, i guess i was keeping myself busy to keep my mind off some things. yupp, i think i was.

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven't I always loved you?

Did I hear you right
'Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over

You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where a love once shined so bright
Came without a reason

Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me

Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

tralala, guess what? i found out Mr. Tan S.P. used to read my blog. haha, that's cool. (:

he msged me just now and told me that i did pretty well for my retest on SS SBQ and elective geo, that retarded kalimantan case study. that really encouraged me and kinda cheered me up. really gr8 to hear that cos finally i improved! but still, i hope i get to do the retest on eng compo.

tests aside, i got the magicbox tickets from him! yaye, looking forward...

time flies. my week went quite well. cos it was short. monday was youth day and i skipped school on thursday. i went to see the doctor, and i told him i was suffering from insonmia. you know what he told me? he said im too stressed so he gave me some sleeping pills. lol.

doing math papers have been quite fun. it kept my mind off some things but well, i still cant help but cry at times. revision for other subject are coming up. once ms ang finishes teaching the emath syllabus, i think i'll stop going to school alr. haha, cos i'm the kind who prefers self study at home. i think im not pushing myself to the limits yet so yes, i'll!

edmund's been asking me out... yes, i did turn up a couple of times cos i believe in rewarding myself after doing some work but at the same time, i still feel that i should keep watching all the movies cos i'm wasting so much money!!

oh ya. i just applied for my DPA(direct poly admission). omg, i think im so kiasu. hahah. everything i also must go try. oh wells, no harm anyways. err, this time round im quite confident to get in cos of my AEM(advanced elective module). so ya, i still have a choice to choose between JC or poly.

ok, you know, i think this post is so random. ya, before i go, let me rant alittle more. my mom's mad today. i dont know why. menopause? haha, i didnt offend her and she kinda like vent her anger on me. SOBBS.

ARGH, I HAVENT GOTTEN MY MOBILE PHONE CHANGED COS MY BRO'S NOT IN TOWN.

And I hate how much I love you boy

I can't stand how much I need you

And I hate how much I love you boy

But I just can't let you go

And I hate that I love you so...

yeah, i didnt know my math was that bad.

its been a very very tiring week. next week aint gonna be any better. i'm so drained. drained mentally and physically. i can't stand this anymore. have anyone even cared? no, no one ever did.

physics SPA skill 3 was okay. now what i fear next will be my chemistry. its next wednesday and i think i'm so dead. well, i should make good use of the coming youth day, public holiday, at home mugging. i should stop going out. HAHA, and stop staring into this screen.

the public concert yesterday was well, boring i guess? cos its like i watched it thrice? even eddy and his friend said so! so long and draggy. lala. yupp, anyway, after that, hung out with edmund and his friends at vivo. we caught up a little. his friends were nice. yeah, funny and easy going, luckily.

when i sat there alone, i wished for nothing but you, you to just sit right next to me, cos that was all i needed. i simply needed nothing else, if only, if only you knew. please, please dont go...

What if I told you

It was all meant to be

Would you believe me,

Would you agree
It's almost that feelin'

That we've met before

So tell me that you don't think I'm crazy
When I tell you love has come and now...

Could this be the greatest love of all

I wanna know that you will catch me when I fall

where were you when i needed you then?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DEAN, EDMUND, WENDY, ZHEYU & that's all for this week, COS THERE'S JUST SO MANY MORE TO GO. why do ppl choose to give birth on july?!

as you can tell, im blogging once a week now! whoo.

june holiday ended and school started. life's so back to normal, all the regular routine, usual days. gosh. sometimes its boring, but well, i guess being a student is so much better. at least i dont have things to worry like family, money and work... haha, all i have to do now is CONCENTRATE ON MY STUDIES. that's crazy man.

yes it is, cos im having my physics SPA tomorrow. (for those who doesnt know, its that stupid new syllabus of science that makes you plan and carry out experiments. cmon please, its not like im gonna be a scientist or something. ESPECIALLY NOT A PHYSICS ONE) yes, my physics sucks. not only my instincts, my heart, my mind, my everywhere is telling me im so gonna flung it so who cares. LOL.

just some thing to update bout my dearest school NTSS...

1. oh you know, mrs catherine ang is gone! for GOODNESS' sake. ya, she can go SLOWLYYYY get her master's at australia. who cares, FOR IM ALR OUT OF NTSS THEN! whoo.

2. mdm fong retired today, ON A MONDAY, after like been in new town for two years? hahah

3. check out wikipedia manzx. and then type in under search: New Town Secondary School. its sooooo interesting i really highly recommend you to read it. maybe i should feedback to mdm neo! i wonder who did that man... so yupp, i wont tell you what's its bout, go, dont be lazy, just go!

there's all for now. just wanted to comment on today's physics lessons. mr james tan was so super funny. he was more like teaching us the 'ways to live life' happy-go-luckily like him and i find it cool. yeahh, i wanna be like him one day too. he's gr8, really.

and then and then one last thing before go cos i wont be updating any soon.

mdm neo asked me to write my DSA application form the third time alr. she says i need to consult some english man. WHAT WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, its like as if she has very

good english!

Sometimes you hold so tight,

It slips right through your hands.
Will I ever understand?

& that somebody is ME!

whoo, school's starting manxz. i've been busy. going out! hey, i've been busy studying too ok. i met up with wendy a couple of times only and i totally lost contact with the others! missed so many of them like munyee, weisheng and of course raymond! looking forward to seeing them soon...

edmund's back!

24 hours aint enough for me. i spend 12 hours sleeping. 6 hours studying(im lying) and the rest for free time. what a way to divide my day. but well, i dont wanna wish for any more time cos its alr killing me!

im quite broke. i dont know where i spend my cash on. i must really learn to save!

its so hot today, im perspiring like crazy. i wanna go invent this cap that has a built-in aircon. that's gonna be so cool. yeah, im mad. HAHA.

tell me tell me, somebody tell me O's coming. & then stress me more. till i go nuts!(even though i alr is now) i had this stupid irritating NIGHTMARE the other night... i dreamt that i failed my O's ok. lol, thanks to all the naggings i received... :D

Oh, little cutie

When..you talk to me

I swear..the whole world stops

You're my sweetheart

And I'm so glad that you are mine

You are one of a kind and..

You mean to me

What I mean to you and..

Together baby,

There is nothing we won't do

'cause if I got you,

I don't need money

Palau Ubin was fun.(exclusive of the usual mosquitoes bites) went with cousins. relaxing. enjoyed the scenery and such a time out. cycled a lot! it was challenging cos many were uphills and others had to go on stones. I'm so drained now. will still wanna go again. <33 nature!

I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be
That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here

i swear I'll give that rotten apple up.
i really will, please believe me.
i promise i won't let you down anymore.

today, i was a bad girl. yeah, really bad one. i stared at ppl! :O yes, guoyi is actually doing that. hahaha, the incident this morning was SOOOOOooo retarded. yupp, i almost stirred up trouble but oh wells, i decided not to. haha, like i say, I SURE HAVE BeTTER THINGS TO DO ok. :D

yeah yeah, i studied! good good, for the whole of today i guess. i shall continue my Tuesdays with Morrie later on. tralala, im feeling good. that's cos im finally, LIKE FINALLY, learning how to appreciate the love showered on me. i dont know why but i finally woke up from my dream and told myself im living in reality. shall treasure what's there now and never let go of it. i dont want to regret this decision cos i know by then it'll be too late!

monday i did another super embarrassing thing AGAIN!! argh, its really so awful ok. I ACTUALLY FELT INTO A POND. luckily it was quite dark, so i guess nobody saw it. maybe a security guard did. or a few others passer-bys and strangers. but but but, i was just lucky i didnt drown. ok, i wouldnt, cos it was to my knee only. and there were any fishes. HAHAHA, it was just water, a small round mini fountain kinda thing that is about the size of a dining table. yes, so suay, so paiseh! alamak, luckily i wore shorts, so it wasnt THAT WET, but still, my wet kena. haiyo. how stupid can i get. hahahah. i was laughing all the way and if anyone videoed, i bet it can be sent for the singapore's funniest video. lalala, had much fun somehow though.

Please give me one more try for the sake of our love,

Let's give it one more chance coz I can't give you up.

I can't live one more day without you in my arms,

I could never find another like you.

Could be the lies, could be my pride.

Could be the times I wasn't there.

And all the nights we didn't share.

its been more than a week since i blogged... i have been quite lazy as usual. well, its not that i dont wanna post, its just that holidays are boring, ok, maybe my life is, and its especially irritating when you dont even really get to use the computer.

i dont have to return to school anymore for this holiday so i spend most of my time now at home or go to the library to study. there's just too many tuition i drown myself with but well, there are also times i go out to have some fun...

you know, i FINALLY tried it - sheesha! a cool yet unexpected feeling kinda thing. looking forward to the return of edmund, so i can go again! talking bout him, was looking for something to give him but i'm so lost! ahh, who cares... haha

kungfu panda was nice. many little kids around, all the gigglings. it was short but overall very exciting and funny. the characters were all so cute so i think it was good, well-drawn. i enjoyed it especially with a big screen and sitting right in the middle. most importantly, i guess its with whom i watched with the best part bout this movie. great company, THANKS for making out this time for me!!

ohh, guess what guess what?? i'm going to malaysia desaru tonight. or you would say tomorrow morning. cos i've to wake up like at 4.30am. lol. its alright, go relax! i love sightseeing and then i can EMOOOOO. i really do hope i don't eat a lot when i'm there cos i think i've been putting on so much weight! argh..

i used to care bout what people think of me,

then i realize i can't please everyone...

i'm unsure who likes me and who doesn't.

one thing i'm sure, at least

i won't be losing any sleep over it ANYMORE

oh, first day of the holiday classes today. so boring, i skipped chemistry and i missed electrolysis! physics was alright cos it was short. then went lunch with candice and isabel. ate so much for just that 3 pieces of pizza. returned to school for geography lesson. i hate myself for being so in a holiday mood now.

GuoYi's falling for tuition & assessment books! i dont know why but its fun attending class and doing work you know. guess she's really going crazy, she's really under great stress...

wheeeeeeeeee, so boredd. tralala, someone entertain me please.

you know, people dont like me!
you know, i was so fed up today.
you know, I'm so disappointed at whom i used to call my BEST FRIEND.
OUCH, YOU KNOW HOW F. IT HURTS?!

" & we'll linger on

Time can't erase a feeling this strong,

No way you're never gonna shake me.

I know that you'll be right back, believe me,

It's only a matter of time. "

Rules of the Taggy Quiz :
A] People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
B] Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

#1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be ?
oh, slap him on the spot if I've the chance and say, "don't let me see you ever again.". DIE. (so drama-mama)

#2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be ?
be reborn again. i wanna start life all over again or maybe let time go back itself. if i relive, i can correct all my mistakes and be someone perfect.

#3. What will your dream wedding be like ?
well... how bout by the beach and under the sea? after all its the same as long as I'm with the one i love.

#4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you ?
yes, kinda. I've many ambitions 'cos i ain't an adult yet so perhaps I'm still not ready? I'm unsure if i can achieve those goals...

#5. What's your ideal lover like ?
someone who loves me deep deep, definitely. cheerful, outgoing, gentlemanly and sensitive to my feelings... funny, generous and taller than me too!

#6. Which would you go for, someone you love or someone who loves you ?
i think being loved by someone is more blessed than loving someone. don't you know, loving someone isn't easy but then again, if everyone waits for love, nobody will be there to love. i guess being loved takes courage while loving takes even more.

#7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love ?
never really thought of this. err, i tried taking 2 years? until someone else comes to take over him. i think waiting is stupid, its a waste of time. that's 'cos i found out that eventually, God will let you know that you're making a fool out of yourself.

#8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do ?
i hate this. so hate it. IRRITATING, especially if you know who he's attached to. i think I'll give up in the end. ya, i don't want to be called a third party.

#9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days ?
plenty of things. first, at home, with all the you-know-who. then, all the quarrels with people, my friends. i hate being lazy. sleeping is like taking up all my time. studying. when i come across a math question i spent hours on but still cant solve. getting back my lousy results even though i tried my best. lastly, when i cant be perfect. i know i cant be but i just want to be. i want to do many things to satisfy myself, and also make everyone else happy.

#10. What do you want most in life ?
happiness. that includes a wide range.

#11. Is being tagged fun ?
once in a while, yes, especially when I'm bored and that it is interesting but this one has way too many questions.

#12. How do you see yourself in ten years time ?
that would make me 26. flying around the whole world? I'm an air-stewardess-wannabe.

#13. Are you someone who plans for rainy days ?
NOT REALLY, i live each day like i like. fine, I'll work on it.

#14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is ?
friendly. weird! can be funny and nice talking. A SUPER GOOD LISTENER, can give good advice.

#15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor ?
SINGLE AND RICH! duh. I'm so independent and i believe in myself, i can be very lonely but who cares, why torture myself? who needs love man, you cant survive on it.

#16. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be ?
a tiger or how bout sheep? an elephant will be nice too.

#17. What is your favorite song right now ?
something right - west life

#18. What kind of person do u think you are ?
strong on the outside, weak inside. extremely sentimental, fun to be with, lame and extrovert.

#19. What do you define as a bad day ?
being scolded, hearing people talk bad bout me or of my friends or argued with my best friends... realizing that people dislike me... being very late or feeling sick & tired.

#20. If you have to choose between love (as in boy-girl relationships) and friendship, what would it be ?
friendship. unless its marriage. but i know i wont get to make such a decision if my both my friend and my boyfriend are understanding people.

I'm tagged by Melissa Guo, surprisingly. I shall tag: Mun Yee, Yan Wah, Ahmad, YanLin, Simin, Candice, Xin Er and Raymond! FYI: i changed one question, guess which!?

dreams. what exactly are dreams? I've many dreams every night and even within just that ten minutes while i doze off reading a book.

i had a bad dream last night, a nightmare you call it. it made my heart skip a beat cos' i dreamed that i fell off a mountain i was climbing and nobody was there to help. then the thing is they could only watch me fall.

i woke up, glad that it was all a dream. i tried to go back to sleep but i couldn't. i cant help but think what the dream meant. maybe its telling me that nobody cares. maybe its telling me what's the point of working so hard? eventually I'll still fail or lose to others. i became so fed up with myself and finally i drifted back into my sleep.

for that twenty minutes, i had another dream. well, it was a much better one. it wasn't even a dream. it was more like a playback of my past. my brain wanted me to remember some things and to my surprise, what i thought i had long forgotten had 'happened' all over again so vividly just now.

that was me when i was much much younger, seven or eight years old? sisters and i would always follow my dad on his car to pick my mom off work. we would hide in the car, behind and under the seats, trying our best not to let mommy spot us and then give her a big 'boo'. even though almost all the times she knew we were there, she would pretend to be shocked and smile. those were the days...

what's the point of looking back now? in life, learning from our mistakes ain't the only important thing to do.
moving on is too.

i think my body was signaling to me. its either that I'm too stressed out, or that I'm gonna fall sick soon. this ain't very healthy for me, its making me feel so tired even after i wake up from my nap. so mentally drained.

i asked myself if anyone cared, anyone bothered. i asked if i am a cheap desperate girl asking for some attention and hoping for her existence to be realized. am i? am i really that bad, that lousy? why is it that i have so many friends yet i feel lonely? are they even my friends, or are they all just hypocrites whom I've seen over and over again? why is it that i no longer feel the warmth i used to get. everything seems to become so cold, I'm losing my senses. yesterday is already history, everything i missed is never gonna come back. today is what i fear most. but i shall choose to believe that tomorrow will be a better day. I'll be waiting, waiting for the rainbow after the storm.

today we managed to catch up a little,
but we never seems to finish talking.

hurray to all those who hate me.
cheers to all those who dislike me.
congratulations to all those who've finally take me down.

oh, midyear examinations are finally over! results time... hai, the poor teachers must have been stressed out marking and apparently, many of them are absent today so ya, as usual predicted, only ms ang returned the maths paper. well, iknow i shouldnt be greedy, i should be contented that i got an A alr but cmon, i still lost to the top in class, by that 1%. you know how much it irritates me?

been having sucha bad week. maybe not, maybe i should just look onto the brigter side. ha, im sucha good liar. im soooooooo good at comforting at myself but those who know me well, you know how im feeling deep inside.

oh, cravings for prawn meee. :D

i know i have a bad attitude.
i know i have a shit problem here.
i know i suck.
i know im stubborn.
i know im a loser.
i know i cant change.
i know i know i know.

SHUT UP.

Two people wanting to know each other, but they don't understand each other well.
Hence they argue, but what exactly are they arguing about?
Aren't both parties willing to give it a shot again?
Why must we go through pain and suffering and all the bitterness before we decide to start again?

Promises.
What promises?
Who broke what promise? Did it really happen? Was there even a chance to clarify?
Is there a need to clarify? Should there be forgiveness? Why can't forgiveness come naturally?
Must we be upset and depressed before everything will painstakingly march its way back on track again?

Memories, back to haunt us again.

i dont even know what's the schedule next week! i mean seriously, which day for which exam... i just know im having exam, and im supposed to study. yeah, that's all. HOW SAD.

oh anyway, new nice blogskin? :D was bored, oops, :X hehe
this is brighter, much more positive. lol

my mom was being racist again just ytd. so evil, so mean. she's so unreasonable & so not understanding. i mean, cmon, singapore is a multi-racial country ok, stop discriminating others.

its may! holidays are coming but so are all the people's birthday. argh. cash cash cash again.

wish me luck for MYE manzx.

i screwed my own life with both my hands. so lost.
i didnt regret. she's worse than me. she's feeling the pain i once felt. maybe twice more? i've all i want now so what's there to get mad at? no dammit. she's winning me again. i hate to admit but no, i cant accept it!! WHY?!?! just because of that... forget it.

ya, and i was saying, school days aint as fun anymore. i was so not looking forward to today's PE lesson especially when there's NAPFA. i mean, its getting so boring(that's cos i dont win and medal), tiring and irritating. you know there's lesson later on, CHEM LESSON, and there we are, all sweaty, sticky, in our double layer(uniform + PE Tshirt). eew, so disgusting. cmon la, i slept for like half a period for chemistry cos ms liang aint doing anything.

well, in the end, the math test on differentiation last friday that ms ang returned us woke me up. she didnt nag at me but my result was crap. SERIOUSLY. like... 11/20? hmm, maybe you'll comfort me: at least you didnt fail. YA RIGHT, i guess that'll be soooooo helpful. hahah, alright, i admit i was having a very bad headache then so i couldnt concentrate on doing it. HOW SAD. okay, good job, gonna drill myself with all the 10year series questions tonight to make sure i do well for the test tomorrow. argh.

im so full of complains. hahah, for now, im back to differentiating. please wish me luck. THANK YOU.

P.S.: just realised that my blogskin is so dark, should get it changed soon.
dont wanna look THAT emo.