Suddenly.

ANNABEL is sitting right beside me now. :D we're in the computer lab in sch. she doesnt know how to blog. HAHAHA. i'm supposed to be finishing up my PI but i'm not. all because of ANNABEL so she's a bad girl. so dont learn from her ok, amanda? :D

anyway, havent updated for almost a week alr! my com broke down and died. :( i lost my only source of entertainment ok. :(:( what's worse is, I CANT DO MY PW. :(:(:(

ya, so sad, annabel just left for band & i'm all alone. she's evil! :(

ok, let me summarise what happened for the past week. i've been feeling down but i guess my mood swing period is over! talked to ms chng a bit and my friends been encouraging. however, i still feel bad at venting my anger and times at my mom... :(

for now, i guess i really have to work on time management. i believe i can do it, and i must! maybe im doing well, but im sure i can be better, right? as always, this is coming from perfectionist wu...

ok that's all folks. let me continue to melt away in this life without internet

HEY PAULINEEE. cheer up baby cheer up!!

And we look around,

And now we loved to live the single life.

And then we tell ourselves we'll never fall in love again.

But then he comes around and suddenly we understand,

That we've never been living in love before.

Heartbreak Lullaby.

my PW PI is gonna be due in exactly 2 hours time. GOOD LUCK TO ME.

ha, & i still have all the time in the world to blog. because, this is one of the my ways to destress...
im on the verge of breaking down alr. for the past couple of days, i really had this urge to cry it out. i'm not just tired and pressurized, but instead, i also feel that there's somethings i need to reflect on. i havent been managing my emotions very well and i feel that its certainly unfair to the ppl around me. how can i be quiet at times and noisy the other min? i think im freaking my girls out. so, i cannot be so selfish, no i cannot.

today, the thought of switching to poly actually crossed my mind. i'm amazed. i thought i made up my mind to stay, and usually i wont let my decision sway. now, i feel like backing out, cos i fear that i no longer can take it anymore. guess what? today i also found out that im actually doing pretty well for all my subj(except econs). and the impression i give others, is always that im smart and i can teach them. sigh. maybe i shouldnt be so good afterall. so after having a little talk with my clique, they concluded that i should stay and that they mentioned, guoyi, you really got to find some ways to relieve your stress man, or else you'ld go crazy! i hate to admit it but i totally agree man. ever since i lost my aim my goal in life, my life has a routine: sch, eat, shower, study and sleep then back to sch again. all the same... back in those days, i rmb i watched movie almost once a week. what bout now? barely once a month... i always say, whateva la, i dont give a shit bout sch bout homework, but deep inside, i care. i care whether i top or not, i care whether i pass or not. why, why am i like that?

i know its because of my mom. she's my motivation. the only reason why i refuse to give up till now is bcos i dont wanna disappoint her. i cannot afford to. there, there's also the others like my friends. i know they'll support me, that's why i'm still hanging on. who can i turn to and who can i ask? who can help? exactly how long can i continue the way im going now? is there a way out? would quiting JC help? or am i just running away?

may You give me an alternative solution.

When there's always something there reminding me,
How things could be,
I've tried to get you off my mind,
I've tried to play my part,
But everytime I close my eyes,
You're still inside my heart,
Why can't I laugh?
Why must I cry?

Doing Too Much.

oh man, the photos are so blurred. the baby's kawaii-neh? hahah, yupp, saw him on the busy the other day and was playing with him. blue eyes leh that angmoh. wa, gonna be so handsome next time!

right, i may sound cheery, but i got to face the fact. my moood is low, lousy, depressed, everything negative you can think of, its probably gonna describe the guoyi now. its been a while since i really had the urge to scream, curse and swear. but i guess this is the best time to put myself to the test and see if i can control my emotions. i bet i've some self-discipline that i wont say all that!

coming to the point, econs sucks. yes, for now, at least the answering part is killing me. its already my 5th draft for an only 10% assignment. ya, more effort i put in for my PI. that's cos i dont wanna fail it AGAIN. you dont know how fed up i am right now, rushing it and referring to every source i have. that aside, all the tests, I DONT HAVE ANY TIME TO STUDY. ok, luckily there was good news today that GP test is gonna be postponed. BUT, i still have that friggin' irritating chem quiz. just end my life will someone. hustle bustle, i need a life man. its so sad, that i dont even know what im after. mugging mugging mugging, what is it that i get from all these? good results but a stressful life? believe it or not, this stress im feeling now, is more than how i felt during O's. just imagine what's gonna happen to me next year... will i even be alive? HA. let's wait and see then

no more time to spare anymore. my plan tonight: NOT SLEEP, stay awake and chionggggggg. way to go :D

ouch! dont call me anymore, please dont. cos everytime you do, my wound never really heals.

All i can picture is the color of your eyes,
and the way u make me smile
I ain't felt this in a while,
But I came to a conclusion that this is pure illusion

Over You.

i had a great laugh today thanks to my awesome clique of girlfriends spending the afternoon at JP eating away and catching a really interesting yet touching movie called Knowing. we were just random and taught of catching it despite knowing that we were supposed to go home and finish up our piles and piles of endless homework. well, gonna rate this movie 6.5/10. ha, i would say its worth my afternoon nap today, cos i totally sacrificed going home to sleep for them to catch it. the rest almost teared at this part where the father and son got separated but i thought it was overall pretty illogical and lame. most importantly, it was so loud! really, especially loud, and i wonder why. also because of it, i missed fast and furious! argh.

i blogged yesterday and just in case you're wondering why i'm doing it again, i guess i was just upset? its not because of my bio test. i didnt do very badly for it. passed, but ya, didnt hit my expectation, which i believed is as high as the sky. never mind its ok, its something else...

i was pretty occupied all day long, somehow. no no, dont mistake it for that crush. its nothing gotta do with him man, AT ALL. oh please, i dont even have time for him, or probably, he doesnt even belong up there in my head. ahh. you should have guess who else can it be. you know who. you know, you know it all, if you know me. its just that Dean told me something pretty disturbing this morning while on the way to school with him. it was more like, i didnt expect it. maybe its all a prank, or just a moment of impulse done by that person? i shouldnt be thinking bout it, i so should, yet i am. im sorrie i cant control, i just care, ok? i wanna know everything bout it, cos im jealous. omg, help me. bet this is gonna stay with me for a while

i'm weird. i'm independent, but fear of being that way. i really wanna have someone rely on. oh give me the strength and the courage to walk this road, to cross all these obstacles in life. i'm so afraid of being alone and do them all. its so tiring, yeah??

it says it all:
'the day i thought i'd never get through, i got over you.'
narr, i'm not quite sure.

And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.

Invisible.

today, FOR SOME REASONS, was a bad day to start off with... HAHA, but anyway, tuesdays are always sleepy days. i slept my whole econs lecture away and feel pissed after. seriously, my PMS alert is ringing so stay away from me. :(

its been studying studying studying. and all i can complain about is just bout how much things i've to do, all the homework and everything i cant catch up with. sigh, wassup with this JC life, worse then sec sch? yeah, totally. now that i dont even have a nice CCA to keep me occupied, it might be a good excuse to let me go home study, but well, i guess it also means i'll lose out to those who have a good profile when they graduate with an A level cert. oh well. its ok, i'll just make use of my precious time and study doubly hard, AND NOT WASTE THEM ON SLEEPING. jia you for me! tests tests tests, stupid sch, why is there not midyr?! :(

the guys found out my crush. IM SO DEAD. but its ok, im so getting out of it. thanks to him anyway, i found myself, yet again :D

No matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything that we could be

The Best You Never Had.

what's wrong with everyone today? what is it? what's with the unhappiness, sadness and sad faces they have? i thought the emo trend died out? its back, when just within a couple of hours, my old friends confided in me. i really try not to make their problems mine, but sometimes, i just cant help but worry. today, i realised how important i can be. i can always think that im nobody and i dont make a difference, but i know, its because i'm there to listen that they've someone to talk to. its because i care, that whateva happens to them means alot to me. i think i needa go get some sleep, before i get depressed over it.

for all the heartbreaks and sufferings, i wish them all the best.

Cause in your empty heart I left a mark,

-

i thought if we couldn't be something more than friends, we can stay as the best of friends. i thought you would always be there for me no matter rain or shine, i thought you would be there all the time. i thought you were my real true friend, i thought what we were going through would mend. but i guess i was so wrong, it isn't that strong. i was just too innocent.

Thinking Of You.

trip yesterday to Palau Tekong Basic Military Training Camp (BMTC) was awesome man. luckily the weather wasnt too hot, so i kinda enjoyed myself cos i learnt how to shot with that enormous gun ok! didnt quite regret thanks to the Amabel's company even though the trip was crazily long. first we get a bout half an hour ride to tanah merah then after that 15min ferry trip down. well, not everyone get to go there, so i guess its all worthwhile. however unfortunately, we werent able to take any photos cos its not allowed!(due to some sercurity issues...)

i wanted to come home early today to have a good nap but by the time i reached home after an hour, its half past 5 alr. so fed up. sighh, what to do, then the public holiday tomorrow will leave me brainstorming for that irritating project work. oh man, i need help, but who can? sometimes, i really question myself if i've taken a wrong route. do i really belong here? can i really cope? :(

here's something i wrote quite some time ago:

love is patient,
love is kind.
love does not envy,
love does not boast.
love is not proud,
love is not rude;
love is not self-seeking,
love is not easily angered.
love keeps no records of wrongs;
love always protects,
love always trusts;
love always hopes,
love always perseveres;
love never fails.

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Bottom Of The Ocean.

gonna make it a quick one, my mom just wont stop nagging me to go have dinner. yes, dinner at 10pm. how ill-discipline can i get. anyway, i've math-ed the whole day, so ya. my brain's really so worn out now. im like dazing and taking a while to understand what's going on around me. yes, i did till i forgot to eat.

oh, i received a cool sms just now and so i forwarded it out, only to expect very interesting replies. (:
i asked, "please complete the sentence for me: I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT ___________."
there was this someone who told me: "i've always admired your strength and courage in overcoming alot of obstacles and problems that i never had the courage to face..."

i was amazed; i was shocked. i never knew i was thought to be someone like that. well, its because of her, that i am who i am today. i must really thank her. (:
am i really that strong? actually i didnt want it this way too. its every thing around me, my environment, my family and my friends that made me become one. i dont want to be so tough, to be able to do everything. cos i want some love from someone too. i dont wanna be so independent, cos its so tiring. i dont want i dont want.

lastly, i think i found out something about myself again yesterday. it was a good thing. i'm glad i found that out. :D

P.S. YOU, YES YOU, if you're reading this post right now, & i havent sent the sms to you, do tag me and tell me what you've always been wanting to tell me. c'mon, dont keep it inside, its your chance now! ^_^

In a dream you appeared
For a while you were here
So I keep sleeping
Just to keep you with me

We Belong Together.

im so lack of sleep i need to stay at home and hibernate tomorrow. my eyes are dry and im having a bad migraine. man, this aint very good. doctor says i'm stressssss. what to do? my mom nags at how badly i failed my econs, but never realises that i'm actually doing OK for chem. where's my praise me for math? oh wells. i needa buck up man. GP's still lousy. ahhhhhhh. must be wondering why im still awake at this time even though im so tired and sleepy? that's cos i still have to rush my PW due on friday. i havent touched it ok! im dead, so dead. HELP

anyway, besides visiting the clinic today, i met up with the guys! the soccer guys. whooooo. it was nice just sitting there watching, quite relaxing in a way. and, i realised something today! but i shall not mention it here. oh wells, ask me if you're interested to find out :D
before i forget, while on the cab home, 'love just aint enough' by patty smith was playing over the radio. it REALLY reminded me of that fella whom introduced me to the song and all those times i had with him. aww, i know he wont be reading this. even if he is, he wouldnt know im referring to him. its merely a song he told me about, why would anyone remember? never mind if im forgotten, never mind if he cannot recognise me the next time we meet, at least i know he was once someone very important to me. if i'd the chance, i wanna let him know that despite all the evillllllll things he has done for me, he was an awesome friend. TGFA.
no doubt he made a great impact to my life. (:

I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should've let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid
I was foolish
I was lying to myself