晴天

从前从前，有个人爱你很久。但偏偏，风渐渐，把距离吹地好远。

Don't ask me what's with the Chinese there today. I've no idea too. Just been listening to some jay's songs.

Somethings into me. I feel sian. Might be the emo songs? Hai. Ok, at least it's not econs. haha, maybe i'm just tired. But there's must be something inside troubling me :(

Oh wells, side track. Today went back to secondary school to check out. Yeah. It's like walking down the memory lane. Gone were those days when the softball girls would stay back till late evening with the soccer guys. I couldn't help but reminisce. It felt as if I could even hear the noise we once made. Oh, those good old days. Everything has changed and the feeling of going back there is no longer the same. It's just been awhile but it's funny how long it feels like when I look back and think bout it. This part of my life will I promise to keep closely with me. Cheers to NTE.

I remembered how someone used to always tell me, 'play hard, study smart.'. You're indeed one of the very few people that left me a great impact in my life that I cannot manage to forget you. Thank you!

Geolocate this post.

Posted with LifeCast

Part Of A Fool.

hello, im back on my com, but seems like blogger is down. i cant really add photos, AGAIN. fateee.

anyway, i feel so lucky today. haha, i didnt study for the weekends, for once, and guess what? econs test got postponed! phew, for that, i shall make sure i study real hard and not slack my time away. gotta make up for it and do well on friday! for chem, forget it. heh. lalala. i dont think im gonna study for chinese test too... so this week should be pretty free! bout time to catch up with some people.

just received an invitation for an outing on friday. hmmm, had a mixture of feelings. was quite shocked, yet happy. at the same time, i hesistated to agree immediately because i just cant imagine how its gonna feel like to be there once again. awkward, shy, fun, weird or just plain boring? will i make a difference and there and will i spoil the whole thing? if i didnt, would i be spoiling my own day then? well, in the first place i already had something on. its lydia's birthday, we're probably gonna do something bout it. so ya, OK. fine, i admit, that's a lousy excuse. deep inside, i think i wanna go. see those friends i havent seen in ages. argh, for those who know who they are, I MISSED YOU GUYS, seriously

P.S. somedays, even though you're already here, i just feel that the distance between us is growing. what's going on? perhaps i cannot accept you anymore. perhaps its like what others say, 'you can be sitting right next to me, but yet feels like a thousand miles away.' how cliche. HA

I've been there before and I just can't let go.
The memories and pain of the hurt i know.
Now deep in the night, and there's passion inside....
Dare i follow my heart?

Thankful

Today, I see that I'm indeed a fortunate girl. I thank God for everything. :))

Whenever anyone asks me how's life in JJ, I always wouldn't know what to say. But I guess, today I kinda found the answer. It has gotta be my clique of girls, my awesome friends like pauline, that makes me wanna stay in that horrible place. Ha. Without them, I cannot imagine how everything's gonna be like. Well, I see that back then, I've made the right choice to take the bio combi class, and that I didn't transfer away. :))

Nonetheless, I am greatful for such a marvellous family. For all the things that happened in the past, it's okay, cos I forgive and forget. I'm just glad that my home is what I call a home. I finally know that the people here are the ones I can lean on even when the sky falls.

Of cos, my other friends, like kelvin, mun yee, joy and wendy have gotta be people that have never given up on me. They never fail to be there when I need them! Thank you :))

Life maybe more difficult now, but I believe I deserved some compliments, encouragements and praise. That's because I've studied harder than I ever did, work for the results that I've never gotten. Oh, how I miss those primary school, secondary school days. Those times when I don't have to do anything and just slack my life away. It's alright. I'll continue doing what I'm doing now. In turn to come, I'll be that successful girl I always wanted to be. For those whom don't believe I can do it, you just wait and see! :))

Oh, last but not least, life rocks cos there's PEE-SEE-O-TWO ;)) what's sch without him around? he's the cure to all my stress, my motivation for sch everydayyyy! :D:D

Geolocate this post.

Posted with LifeCast

randomness

I hope this works. Cos I'm like blogging with my itouch now. I thought I would just post something for my followers since I haven't did for a week alr. Right, nothing much this week. As usual, I was drowned with work and tests. So I really need to sleep now.
P.S. Wish me luck for tmr

Geolocate this post.

Posted with LifeCast

Two Atoms In A Molecule.

OK, i guess my results werent THAT bad afterall. perhaps they just look better on my progress report. HA. of cos, they arent awesome so there's bound to be rooms for improvement. i should be thankful that im getting rewarded! :D

my moodswing period must have passed. no, it must be after meeting munyee and the guys that made me high. hahah. its just great to see them again, after ten thousand years. :D

next week there's 5 tests. whoo, life rocks! i already had my oral ytd, so i believe this tough time is going to pass real quickly. i shall have to persever! RIGHT, AMANDA, ANNABEL, AMABEL & PAULINE. jiayou ya? dont let what comes along beat you down; you peeps always have my support! :D

2 hours ago, i was already supposed to have started on my EOM final draft. but apparently as you can see, im wasting my life away here. oh man, kill me please. D:

P.S. my conscience is clear, i dont need you to judge me.

I mean if love is just a game
Then how come it's no fun?
If love is just a game
How come I've never won?
I guess maybe it's possible I might be playing it wrong

Thanx 4 Nothin'.

no offence to all my friends, especially my classmates, who are reading this right now.

i curse and i swear. im feeling that sucky. i mug and mug, and what did i get in return? just those same old bloody results. dont compare with me if you're not doing as well as me. im not being proud, but i just hope for your understanding. we're different people and naturally different expectations. i am that much of a perfectionist to ask for the best of the best results for myself, not because i wanna win anyone. even if it means losing to others, its OK, as long as i achieve what i want. but now, after all the not sleeping, all the not getting to enjoy just because im going to study, this kinda bull shit marks reflects how much effort i put in? were my eyes playing tricks on me or am i just not good enough? am i born stupid or what? why do i have to be thrown down and be shattered, so disappointed when my hopes were all high up there? how do i describe the feelings in me now? its like everything's not going my way and i cannot do anything bout it. what do i do?

please, please dont force me to give up. i dont want to, i cannot.

Every day and every night
I stay by the phone
Never go no place so just in case
You call I'll be home

True.

i was rushing to blog last night so i shall rant here right now what i wanted to do ytd:

there's an alien many things on my mind bothering me i dont know where to start.

sometimes, i think this world is rather sad. everyone always has a prob. nobody is ever contented or satisfied. when you've a million bucks, you want a billion. if you have a billion alr, you want even more. you start to go for things you dont have; invent things that were never there. just because of all your greeds, you keep asking for more, even at times against your conscience, just for your own convenience. i cannot deny i'm one of them, but this is human nature. too hard to please mankind. how sad, how pathetic.

must be wondering why im talking bout all that? its just that i've seen how everyone is always complain about everything. my family, my friends. they all have never ending problems. its my turn to vent too. cos i need to. i aint no bottomless pit that everyone can always talk to, i've kinda reached my limits too. i always try to help others, but there's just so much i can do. sometimes i feel helpless too. furthermore, i ensure that i assure all the ppl around me that im always there for them, but who is always here for me when i need? i dont know. i really dont know. i know i've friends and family, but sometimes, i havent an idea who i can approach when im in deep shit. i agree that as one grows older, you tend to be more independent. unfortunately, simultaneously, we also close up to the world. when we're still kids, we always blabber out everything on my mind. we never have to bother who's there to listen and what we speak. yet, we realise that we're unable to do that today, in this complicated society, because the more we say, the more trouble we get into. this is why we all believe that we should just shut up, isnt it? we hide away our feelings, we all become so sarcastic so arrogant and so annoying, i despise these hypocrites.

sigh, that aside. i feel so lost at this very moment. lost the meaning of life at 17. yeahh. been feeling this way for a while and i havent found a way out. like i said, repeating my routine everyday, it just feels so tiring. so stressed up over studies; never stop worrying that i might disappoint my mom anytime i stop mugging for the next upcoming quiz. my dreams, many a times, seems so far away. nonetheless i continue working real hard for it, continue to believe in myself. then again, i must admit, im just not confident enough. there were too many times i felt the urge to give up, just because i doubt myself.

to add on, i do have many very disappointing ppl around. its OK if they're not my close buddies. but it just upsets me when they're those i care especially much. trust me, it just hurts. hurts so much that no matter what i cannot stop thinking bout them. there were those whom has changed, whom i still dont understand how they can simply forget all the wonderful things we'd done together; there were some who just cannot be bothered and lost contact with me despite me putting in effort to catch up with them. these are the things that i cannot help. nature has taken its course and so be it. i really need to learn to face this fact. it makes me hate myself, for i fear to adapt to changes around me. i wish time would stop and let things remain as it is. do you know that i question myself now and then, question my abilities, ask myself 'why am i so lousy?', 'is this the best of me yet?' & 'im sure i can stretch further, can i?' i dont wanna be selfish, but neither do i aspire to be a saint. but hey, can i tell you that i'm only like you, i need some encouragement too. i aint no robort, i cant do as you say and most importantly i cant be perfect? so stop pushing me, stop shaping me into the perfectionist i dont want to be. i try and try just to suit you guys, but no matter how hard i try, i cannot. is this wrong? i want to be myself, but its so difficult. i wish i didnt set such high expectations for myself, but that wouldnt have made me who i am today.

well, no solutions found to all the problems mentioned above till present. its alright. i'll continue to look for one. in the meanwhile, let it continue to torture me mentally and physically. im prepared, im sure there's still a long way before i go berserk, so no worries everyone, seriously. i just thought i kept everything in there for a while and its bout time ppl should know how i feel. yeah. hope this wouldnt change your impression about me? lol.
ignore this post if you find it lengthy; its just a confession of a perfectionist.

P.S. it feels like i've just written an essay. HAHA, i pray that tomorrow will be a better day. =)

Im weak
Its true
Im just scared to know the ending

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough.

And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change

STUPID BLOGGER. STUPID STUPID STUPID. i cant upload my dearest photosssssss. there's like a thousand of them, so that's DAMN SAD. my blog's so black so dull and soooo boring if i dont add more colours to it. argh. ok nvm, me gonna chill, shall spam this post with wordssss. but i dont have much time, ITS ALR 11PM AND THERE'S SCH TMR, kill me pls.

first of all, sunday was indeed, a crazy day. it was out with 6d ppl a.k.a the nanhua-ians. played pool, they ate lunch and i only joined them after my tuition. was shocked that quite a number of them actually bothered to turn up. and as the 'organizer', i didnt feel so bad afterall. its just a pity that i didnt get to see the rest. missed them! well, at first i wasnt really keen, but i must say its just nice catching up, seeing them again and reminiscing. we had fun, and i did destress, EVEN THOUGH I WAS FREAKING SLEEPY THAT NIGHT. lol, had to clean up the room even after they left =X

next, i must comment bout sch! it feels like im still in the holiday mood, surprisingly, somehow. lol, its gonna be really bad cos there wont be any break till national day eh. im soooo dead. gonna tahan the next few weeks with all the tests coming up again. busy busy, kill me pls.

besides just school work and my studies. sch, of cos, can be fun otherwise. with my girls, that's of cos. today there was a series of funny things happening. LIKE EXAMPLE SOME WEIRD PPL TIHNKING IM LOOKING AT THIS WEIRD PERSON. well, i must admit, i WAS. emphasize: PAST TENSE. hahaha, but it was momentarily. i didnt spend more than 2secs on that fella ok. so fed up. its not like this person is some big shot. lol. thank you my 'TWIN' for suanning that irritating person :D

before i leave, there's just one last thing i wanna complain. MY FOREHEAD FREAKING HURTS LA. i like suffered a concussion while on the bus home. cos for some reasons, (i think i was being retarded or something) i banged into the pole. heh, call me eccentric, but yeah, i actually did that. it was so bad that now its swollen. help me, kill me pls. lol.

P.S. I SO DONT WANNA LOOK UGLY IN SCH TMR, like a luo-han fish. =((

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust

Another You.

yaye, finally some good 13hours of sleep. TGIF ytd :D i wouldnt say exams are over. cos our tests never seem to end anyway. everyweek there's just something to study for. especially next week my econs COP. i sure neeeda loads of luck. =(( call me pathetic, i dont care. i stayed at home eveyday to mugg. but at least, im confident for my chem and math paper! let's wait till results to prove me right. :D

just sidetrack a little. i think im happy with myself. i run quite a couple of runs on track during PE ytd in sch. and then after that, i totally walked the whole of cityhall, suntec plus marina for like what, 4 hours? bet i burned off quite a bit of calories. wahaha.

anyway, monday's holiday! i wanna go out and do something crazyyyyyyy. i needa destress.

life's been pretty boring lately... all the same, everyday's repeating continuously without fail the same old routine. however when i finally decide to make some time for myself and sit down to reflect, i realised i didnt know what i was doing all along. no this isnt what i want, definitely not the kinda lifestyle i go for. guess i was doing all these just hoping to numb some pain im feeling inside. did it work? i dont know. when i dont think of you, i feel so empty. maybe that is why i constantly look for something to fill it up. be it studies or others, i know im drowning myself in endless work to do. to keep myself busy is the best cure for me now. perhaps the problem doesnt lie with this anymore. its another thing. there's bound to be something in my life im pretty sure im missing. what and where is this piece of missing jigsaw puzzle piece of my life then? no doubt it is something important to me because it is the goal of my life. i need to find it, i need to.

So many times I was alone I couldn't sleep
You left me drowning in the tears of memory

Tongue Tied.

had a nightmare last night. perhaps, it was a sweet dream. but i just didnt want it to come true. it would be horrific, but i suppose its almost impossible for it to happen. HA. why did it even come to me in the middle of the night. why did you have to appear in my dreams? when i was all too stressed up and finally got over you, you choose this perfect right timing to pop up, even in my subconscious state. what more can i say? stop telling me you have a place in my mind, cos no, YOU DONT ANYMORE.

okay, i think i was getting worked up. haha. anyway, i feel so drained, so tired today. it wasnt so much of the math paper. it was kinda difficult, but i just hope i werent too careless. my headache has gotten worse. it could be me having pms, then again, must be all the pressure i'm feeling cos there's chem paper tomorrrow! :( i havent decided if i should attend school, but i know all i know what i want to do now is to finish my damn essay, do my freaking practical questions, and go to bed. i sure need some good sleep.

felt so irritated with you today. it just did. maybe you were happy. but maybe you couldnt tell i'm not very. i just wasnt in the mood OK. i think its my fault but i am too arrogant to admit it. let me just live in my own world, and let me be. i just refuse to accept the fact that all along it was just me, me me and me. is it true or not? are you confusing me or am i just confusing myself? ahh, i soo shouldnt get affected by this. may tomorrow be a better day, please be. i need a good day to cheer me up.

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
But every time I try I get tongue tied
I need a little good luck to get me by