its been three weeks. she talked to me once a week and it is always so sarcastic. sometimes i see the pain and pride in her. but you know what? it is merely a mirror reflection. if i refuse to try to coax her, how can i blame her that his relationship is not working out?
万事开头难。i struggle to open my mouth first because i fear the awkwardness to comes after. how would she react? i mean, the worse is she hangs my call and ignores me. maybe she can even scream at me and call me nuts. definitely it hurts and so its stopping me from doing so.
its one thing about her not giving me allowances and i have to work very hard to support myself. but i think what matters to me more is that am i going to continue living under this roof as if i am invisible?
told SW on monday night i will really try to work something out with my mom. sometimes its precisely cos she's my mom, i unknowingly have certain expectations of her. its knowing that she may react in the human way but still wanting to try it because i am going to believe in God for a miracle. God help me... its been so many years...
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