ever since i recovered for my bad week of fever and cough, i returned to two weeks of hectic work. it got my mind off much things, kept me active but also took up a lot of my time. it was a good excuse to skip several school meetings but of cos because of that i got some superiors upset. right now i am actually trying to take regularly time out and leave to ensure i can still complete my tasks on time!
tonight is actually one rare day i return before 10pm. met yuling and jolene earlier. it was nice getting to know them and thankful for yuling being willing to let me walk her two girls through the next season of her life in NTU.
i actually fear. maybe because they are not new christians so they may know even more than i do? maybe they will questions that i don't have answers? maybe they are not my own fruits so i feel that awkwardness in trying to break ice and get to know them? but Lord, let me counter all these in faith. how to lead them i dont know but Lord teach me to just be a blessing to them. i need to walk right with You and be grounded in Your Word before i can even share and disciple anyone. those fears are invalid because i trust that as long as i follow God and have a genuine desire to want to care and love them and grow them, it doesnt matter what intellectual and/or theology queries they can bombard me but You can use me to speak to them. of cos i pray they also have a soft and open heart to want to submit to my leadership and account to me. i shall look forward to getting to know that and build a relationship...
in the past few days, i have been thinking a lot. i woke up praying every morning ensuring that i dont 走火入魔 and sink into depression once again. its really wisdom to know when to stop 'reflecting'.
1. of cos there has been much progress with NTU Fest and i am thinking strategically how i can position myself in the education gate for now... my time here is gonna be up very soon and i need to spend it effectively. what is God's dream for Singapore in education? earlier this morning i was asked about some ideas i can contribute to the school too...
2. got back my result last week. maybe the word to use was devastated. haha, yes but only for one day dont worry. i am glad i wasnt at work if not i would certainly be distracted. couldnt help but wonder if God really intended for me to stay in NTU a little longer now that i possible have to extend a semester... well, if its meant to be, then God could you please provide for the school fees and my daily allowances and expenses? it is REALLY beyond me. the thought of it scares me. many people tried to tell me not to worry about that.. i mean, i was never taught how to 'borrow' money or to accept monetary assistance so i do not know how to receive even if they want to bless me. to me, if i can work for it, i will do it to the best of my ability so i reject them. but i really need to work something out somewhere. would it be possible that God actually send people to bless me with cash to pull through till i actually start working?
3. YF gave me a good 'lecture' over the weekend when we had lots of travelling time during D&G's wedding. you can say i saw it coming... he was good. he put it across to me so gently and lovingly that i just had to admit, go back and repent about my blind spots. we talked about much but all i can remember right now is that i seriously have pride issues (especially when it comes to working with man). i need to tone down, soften the manly side of me and seek to become a helper who can empower and see the potential in SW. its not the first time its surfacing yes that's true. and so OK, i will work on it. God help me!! i wanna also make it a point to evaluate the kind of people i hang out with. i would jolly well better stop hanging out with people whom so naturally drawn to agree with what we discuss about (mostly when it comes to putting judgement on others). no i cannot. cos that's being wise in my own eyes! absurd. and as i am writing this, i already have two very dear friends in mind. God, deal with us so that my hearts will be right before You.
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