girl, sorry, im so so sorry... after only reading you post, i know that i have irritated you, disturbed you... should have given you the freedom right? but i want you to know, at that moment, when i saw you walking out of the school, i ran sooo fast i didnt know what i was doing... i was just so worried you might just dash out into the road and do anything silly... i thought my accompany might make you feel better... alright, maybe im wrong, but please please i beg you, never give up? cos i havent a time given up on you cos yes, i still see the old vidya in you. you are just right there, but dont let these things overcome you. rmb what i told you? ms tan really really wants you to play, but of course, we need to get your health back first right? nobody's looking down you cmon. i knwo you can do it too. sometimes, i just run out of words to say but i believe you know what i want to say. then listen, will you? you existence really matters to me. you are going to pass o levels with flying colours. you are going to be a very successful person in life. you are going to. YES YOU ARE.

WAAAA, i got to see TAN YIYAN TODAY. HA-HA. she's SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FREAKING CHIO, & she's gotta boyfriend okay. that's like, WOW. DONT PLAY LA. cool. haha. and its like, what bout me? no where, no one wants. like, cant compare with them. IM UGLYYYYY. gosh. help. and yeah, nicholas and yvonne were there too. its like, its not meant to be liddat. cos its supposed to me meeting yvonne for A WHILE, and then there comes nicholas POPING out of no where just sitting down with us. HUH, and after an HOUR or so, yiyan came and said HI, and she also joined us in our CONTAGIOUS LAUGHTER. we seemed to be the only NOISY ones in CLEMENTI MACS. haha. so yeah, i think we continued for another THREE hours while spending almost TEN BUCKS to buy FRIES only. haha. and bout half an hour before we left, benjamin goh appeared. even though he only knows me, he was FRIENDLY and HAD FUN TOGETHER. LOL. so yeahh, by the time i reached home, i got stomach CRAMPS over laughing. KEKEXZ. ((: i also saw julian on the bus, but i dont know, something made me IGNORE him. HEHE.

MATHS TEST. apparently, i got my RESULTS. fine, let's not describe how DISAPPOINTED i got. BORDER-LINE FAIL. HAVE THE GUOYI YOU KNOW EVER GOT THAT LOW FOR MATHS?!?! then what's next? i almost CRIED in class this morning THANKS TO MRS LENA ANG for talking bout Jesus being cruxified. its HORRID. eeew. HELP. im not gonna think bout it again. YUCK. bleh. nevertheless, FOUR periods of MS ANG'S lessons makes one VOMITS. TNANK God. that's TWO hours to remind you.
BUT THE THING THAT SPOILED MY DAY WAS DURING P.E.. WHY? THAT'S BECOS I TOOK MY HEIGHT AND WEIGHT. FACE THE FACT, GUOYI: YOU ARE FAT AND SHORT; UGLY AND NO ONE WANTS. SUCKY.


had been sleepy cos i havent gotta to rest well. sigh sigh, and im still facing much prob here. hope you understand and stand me for being crazy once in a while.
sometimes, i really really do miss you.

training was rather fun today even though i dont admit that its a slacky and sloppy one. i enjoyed cos i was guiding the sec 1s all the way for somehow a reason or another you know that i dont get to play in B zone. let's nort talk bout it agian okay... gonna upset me only. haha. so yeah, SOOOOO many of them joined us and its like, im glad mr singh came down too! (:
guys, i guess you enjoyed more than i did yeah?! MWUAHHHH. (so much saliva. HEHE)

thankyou. thankyou very much. thankyou so much. i know you are there. i know that. and i really do. but i thought im being greedy. for wanting something mroe than that. its like, oh forget it, ignore what im thinking then. sorry. sigh. nvm, and you know what, i guess someone proved me wrong. she told me i was right when i said you have changed. oh well. did you? or was i the one? i dont know. the thing i know is im getting confused up. at time to time, i kept asking myself, is it worth it? do you care? sometimes i get the answer YES, while most of the other times a NO. so apparently, my poor and sick heart is telling me to give up since im getting tired of it. now i know how difficult it is to continue it, this friendship, that i never thought would turn sour. have you bothered reviving it? or drag on, letting it drift in the wide blue sea endlessly? you know, im in the wrong too. neither have i put in the effort, i guess.


& i prayed for the YOU i used to know to come back.
but nar, it's never gonna happen. what a comfort.

anyone wanna help me with a little gastric prob here? i dont know what's going on inside but yeahh, one thing i know, im getting pale becos of it. oh well, serve me right, i deserve this. im sinful. so would i be able to go school tmr? that would be a good question. i dont wanna miss any more classes okay! and i still got a ton of homework waiting for me behind! stop lying in bed, guoyi!


it has always been a good friendship. yes i know. i have always tried my best to treasure it. but did you? sometimes i doubt so. of course, i dont wanna compare the status between me and her or drag her into this story of ours. you got too many of your sis and i wonder if i make a difference too. i rmb how sweet it was when two of us can hang out around the malls and eat ice cream together. but have it happened again?
i thought, THAT DAY, ended everything. so tell me, have it? i know you know what im referring to. cos i just dont seem to forget a single detail of it. unless i have always been nothing to you, you would have forgotten it long long ago. at first, i thought we were drifting away, and i thought i was thinking too much. but then soon, time proved to me that everything was was just right. it just seemed impossible for you to handle everything so well. i guess i probably have been a burden to you, that's why i chose to leave and that i can also go for a new lifestyle. now here you are again, wanting me back, are you? are you selfish or am i the one, throwing away this perfect wonderful "friend", that is you? i said if time machine existed, i would choose not to know you from the start and not to change the way things are. that's because it has been a tiring experience.






& YOU made me so FUCKING CONFUSED up again cos only YOU can do it.

















but you know the truth? if i really have a time machine, i would rebuild this friendship cos it means to me more than anything else, be it to give up that long waiting love.

and my freaking knuckles hurt. thanks to myself, for whacking the wall so hard, they went numbed and got swollened up. lol. now i have difficulty at typing. haha. oh well, currently feeling quite cold cos i think i got drenched again. hais. anyway, bryan asked me out for a movie. hmm, i really wanted to go! but ya... how would my mom ever let me go on this wet sunday afternoon... and im left alone in the house to study with my handphone when its so dead. help.
there's training tmr! i wanna go. but i still dont get to play in the tournament and especially in the first game on thursday vs peicai. goshh. whyy. me=suck ):

I HATE ANONYMOUS.

now i know. i not only inspired my little juniors to become student leaders, also did i inspired them to be softballers! suddenly i feel like as if im a very successful person. but hey guys, your just go for what's best for you okay? dont get peer pressure and be influenced like how i was used to be. haha. take care and im gonna be watching over your like an angel!

suddenly i fell like going to church. nar. but i know my idiotic mom wouldnt let me cos she insist on her way, always. sighh. what to do? im still waiting.

i thought i just rmb an incident that happened this morning. it was indeed hilarious. my mother's friend asked me while my mom was away, "hey, so... how you are studying in NTU now or NUS?" then i gave a very loud "HUH?!" and laughed my head off. i claimed that im in sec 3 this year and she told me to stop hiding my age. HAHA. oh well, I KNOW IM MATURE. BUT DONT MAKE ME SOUND LIKE IM OLDDDDDDDD. LOL


off to cake baking again. zz.

to anonymous:
you know, everytime i thought i have forgotten certain things... you never failed to remind me of them all over again;
everytime i catch myself smiling and laughing alone, i know its all because those memories came back;
everytime when tears begin to fill my face, i know its all because i started wondering why i cant go back time; everytime i thought promises are meant to be fulfilled but now i know im wrong cos they are meant to be broken; everytime i eat ice cream cos im supposed to be happy but im lying but no one knows why;
everytime i wanna start this life all over again but i always cant do it.
everytime when i tried to pluck up the courage to love again, i prayed that history wont repeat itself. but even if it didnt, another sad story would befall on me. that's why its not as easy as how one can do it. you may be able to, but sorry, i dont know how. once bitten, twice shy. i cant help but fill myself with regrets.if only love is as easy as spoken, i would be the happiest girl on Earth.

everytime i hope that you would be there for me,
you would always be there.


but not for me.








and only for her.

ERR, GUOYI HAS GONE HIGH AND NUTS AFTER DRINKING SOME COKE light & diet COKE DURING AEM CLASS JUST NOW. OH NO, HOW?! what to do??

boo! timothy's not online again. and i got no one to grumble at! saddd. haha. zz. its okay, store my anger and vent it on the ice-cream. but nar, not tonight, i just had a PROPER DINNER, yeahh, right, rice and soup. haha. so that's enough for me.

today school sucked. its so rainy, and its leaking on the roof! gosh. and im freaking drenched when im back, and i dont wanna fall sick! but i already am. oh well, anyway, then after school we are supposed to go for CCA open house and then i cant! why? that's because i got the freaking idiotic AEM. I WASTED MY 3HRS LISTENING TO A LECTURE I DONT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND AT ALL. ITS ALL BUOT BUSINESS. lol. my juniors are joining softball toO! cool. i inspired them to be student leaders too. that's my goal.
okay, next, today, i heard rumors on the this guy named, ZHIXIANG, and me, and the rumor says: HE LIKES ME. and he's younger. NO WAY!! haha. that's evil and direct but im sorry, he's like my cute little brother ((: so what's up with him, and his friends?! crapp. dont spoil my reputation. im the school's CARE & CONCERN ambassador. cmon, pleaseeee.
so that's also this AEM after school that really tires me out. and i also had a great time laughing. obviously thanks to simin as usual. POORNIMA ACTUALLY LEFT EARLY WITH FIFI. wth. they pon-ded. haha. and there's this guy, that somehow keep attracting my attention after hearing my giggles when im sitted behind him. and guess what, he got a freaking DUMB NAME called, MICHAEL JORDAN. ya, and my name is AVRIL LAVIGNE. LOL. yeahh, he's retarded honestly, following me hear and there, everywhere. HAHA, lucky i was with munyee and simin. (: so freaking irritatinggggggggg.

when i went home with julian, he sorta "scolded" me. really made me cry after i get down. he was like " PANGSEH LA!?" then i blur blur and ask what. and he said cos i drift away from the clique. so he asked "dont wanna see ahmad is it?" so what's he's prob man. dragging him in again. rubbish la. and its like i dont know why but i was having a very bad headache so cant be bothered with him. lala. julian did wake me up, but so? AHMAD ISNT IN NTSS ANYMORE. ALAL. AND WHY SHOULD I AVOID HIM. WHO IS HE MAN. BLAH BLAH. i hang out with the sec 1s isnt because im pathetic, its because i have changed, get it? thanks for being understanding.

blogger's still a little mad. so am i. haha. just finished another tub of haagen DUST. haha. its good, COFFEE. i wanted to eat that zoea's house at first, but turned out that my dad's friend actually bought a tub for me back home too. seems like everyone knows that i LOVE<3333 ice cream. MUAHAHA. thank God for that's for dinner again. what's with me? I ADMIT I DID SLIM DOWN 3KG ALREADY AND YET, WHAT THE HELL AM I STILL DOING?! gotta stop this before it gets worse. nooooooooo. i dont wanna become like vid okay. that's like too much.

anyway, did another maths test today in class which cost 10marks and requires us to do A SIMPLE ALGEBRA QUESTION IN A MINUTE FOR TEN QUESTIONS. and you know what? ONE OF THE QUESTIONS GOES LIKE THIS: 2y+3x = blahh; 2xy = blahh. yeahh, you're right, ITS APPARENTLY STIMULTANEOUS. so how did i fair? i dont know, one thing im sure, it sure IS A SURPRISE TEST, GIVING ME HEART ATTACK ON THE SPOT AND I DIDNT FINISH. HOW CAN I?!?!?!? for once, im gonna hate ms ang for being sooooooooo kind. she's been so nice to give us a test before recess when we just had 2hrs of her lessons. MATHS LESSONS. lol, WELL DONE.

there's open house tmr! woots. and what's worse? I CANT SEEM TO GO. THAT'S BECAUSE KIND MRS LIM POSTPONED TODAY'S AEM TO TMR. soooooo great of her. i dont get to see who's joining softball. i dont get to help pull ppl. i dont get to see my junior. i dont get to have fun with soo many ppl. i dont get to see their parents. i dont get to go around playing games in the booth. i dont get anything!! boo hoo. mommmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. )):


you said you would call me back, but you didnt.
help;
someone help me get rid of this irritating sickness.
i wanna face reality.

something's wrong with blogger so yeah, i guess i just wanna tell you guys i finished another tub of BEN'S&JERRY'S icecream called the COOKIES&CREAM ((:

sorry, anorexic's looking for me again. hands trembling. havent eaten for the day. not even drinking much. and yet im still crapping and laughing my energy off. aww. oh ya. and i forgot you are having tuition now. haha. JIAYOU (:

just reached home... so tired but on the line with zoea... its like, we are here crapping away, wasting our life away instead of studying and BATHING. HAHA.okay okay, i know i stink, but im really sleepy now, and there's nothing much for me to do. so i guess by looking at this 21 inches computer will make me stay awake a little though.

today attended the AEM on food innovation and its AWESOME. im the class rap and mr alfred goh is in charged. its damnnnnn coooool! i love it, enjoyed it and of course, looking forward. my team is called the G & G, stands for GU-GU-GA-GA(lame, i know) but the real meaning behind it is GEORGE GOH, actually referring to mr goh himself. oh well, on the other way, HOWEVER, I MISSING THE TOURNAMENTS. EVERYTHING THAT SUPPOSEDLY MEAN SOOO MUCH TO ME. gosh, what's going on, why liddat? whyy meeeeeeeeee???? why cant i just get AEM and into the games. *CRY*

sorry, i sorta missed you at that time? and then so ya, aiyah, nvm. whateva it is, haha, i have got my juniors accompanying me home now. hmm, take care and good luck, YOU ARE NOT GONNA FAIL YOUR MATHS TEST. cheeeeeeeer up. (waiting for you to online!!)


and now talking to bryan SHORT on the phone. haha.

hmm, apparently, i want you to know that the last paragraph from the previous post was meant for you. im waiting for you to fill it up. but im not sure if it will leak or not. im so sorrie. i really feel touched after reading it. been thinking lotsa stuff ytd when i rather down. guess what? vid's been telling me how good a guy you are. haha. indeed siding you. and its like, you are the last man standing you know? haha, hope you understand that. and yeahh, anw, maybe.. we should be back to last time, how close we were that time, but also its time to study. so, aiyah, i dont know how to say this but i know you are smart enough to understand. i hope you meant what you say cos i meant it too. i enjoyed your company and really love the way you make me smile with your weird jokes. its just so special unlike others. we may seem to have little time with each other, but still we know how important we are to each other. so i really really really really really hope we can study hard together and get into the same JC together and yeah, by that time, we would probably be ready? i do hope so. one last thing, rmb how i keep seeing you in school everyday and yet only smile to each other? so many a time i got the urge to go up to you and say, hey, hows everything? we havent been talking... its like, STRANGER. i dont want that to happen okay. haha. i dont wanna feel awkward everytime i see you. i wanna be natural. so must you okay? and thank you sooo much for changing for the better, whether it is for me or not. wondering how you are feeling now, cos im still a little confused bout whats going between us, and i dont wanna our work to be affected too. see you around tmr recess! (:

hmmm, finally get to blog! been talking for a freaking hour with my friends online, especially timothy and zoea! (: hmm, rather disappointed when ms tan told me she wont be registering my name down for the B division in softball team. LOOK, NOT EVEN A RESERVED, TOTALLY DONT GET TO PLAY AT ALL. gosh, can you imagine how i feel? that's like, almost hell i guess? cmon la, its my dreammmmmm lorr. and the thing is, ITS NOT BECOS OF MY INJURY ON MY LEG. but studies. AEM. wonderful. regrets taking it. argh. what to do, i cant seem to back out now. its so tiring. think, staying back everyday for rubbish and then going home late at night to study for tests and doing homework. what is this life? repeating and repeating. oh well, but nar, im not giving up! cos timothy and munyee's there to push me. guys, buck up too! im here to catch your when your fall. and timothy, LET'S GO NJ TOGETHER YEAH?! our common goal to look up to. let me tell munyee bout it too! gotta to rush back to study but let me make somethings clear la.

i thought my heart is really vaccant now. for i have really let go the past. my heart's as empty as my piggybank. HAHA. (NOW THAT WAS A JOKE.) and i dont knwo who's gonna fill it up. i gotta feeling something's coming back. and yet he doesnt know. he might be reading, but yet he doesnt understand. but so what? its not the time. we need to be good students. we will still be the best of friends like we always have been. lately, i have been stress. other than munyee, i dont seem to find a person comfortable to talk to. its like, here my solving others problems, acting like a cheerful girl who cares for everyone, but there inside, im a depressed kid who's struggling with my parents and HIM. i dont know how to deal with it, & i really dont know how.


help me-
& i really want you to know that i like you.

ahh, im getting so so so so irritated. yamato nadeshiko shichi henge on youtube just wont buffer. I WANNA WATCHHHHHHHHHH. haha. hmm, early in the morning im here to make noise again. oh well, later i gonna get back to work anw, so just let me be will ya? hah. anyway, i found my hair so short while looking into the mirror just now. sooooooooo ugly. argh, im always ugly. im a hungry man now, i wanna bake cake!!!!

hmm, surprisingly, many of the 1e3-ians kept in contact with me by adding me online, on friendster and of course sms me. im so glad i get to see them everyday in school but at the same time, sad that the orientation is sucha short one and i havent really start chatting with them on personal stuff la. and also, i really do hope this year, softball will get to recruit more ppl and we will have a family of softballers, a very very big team, to win for mdm neo and prove to the whole school that we can do it and not look down on us!! (:

alright, i have comfortable got myself 15hrs of sleep, not yet broke my previous record of 16hrs. haha. so now i know how it feels like running a only probably 10++hrs camp and you can be dead beat. but i guess its cool. its like, within these three days, i thought i became some adults or something who can actually lead a whole class of 40 pupils. sigh. i think seeing them smile is worth the every bead of perspiration.

i want to thank my class e1/3 for giving me this chance to prove my ability of being a leader and im glad that they managed to win the bouquet of flowers and being called the most cheerful class even though they are not. haha. they have been very good especially for the girls and exception for some guys that stressed me out. i do hope 1/3 enjoyed my accompany too. guys, have fun staying in newtown and do often keep in contact with me okay? i will be more than happy to see your! (:

school's lessons being tiring too. its like, homework streaming in like a flood and tests are coming so i must be well prepared, studying and going crazy... stuff liddat can kill. but i gotta manage well, cos that's what i promised my darling munyee! (:

WHOO. i cant believe school's starting tmr. hmm, somehow, this year im more enthu, feeling anxious. haha. alright. just came out from the bathroom, and felt rather unhappy bout my body figure since im really having the little tummy bulging out. GONNA SLIM DOWN IN 2007, MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL.

im rather upset after unsucessfully baking the chocolate cake and even worse, i burnt my finger AGAIN. sobb. crap. actually it was alright, but thanks to my sister's irritatingness, oh well, I JUST HATE IT.

happy new year guys. its been a great year in 2006 and i really do hope it will be a better one in the coming 2007, or maybe its here already.

2007 new year resolutions:
i wanna drop all the bad and sadd memories and pick the good ones only.
i wanna stay faithful to God and be a good girl and study hard for my o levels.
i wish i wouldnt spend so much money on shopping again and save more and put them in my piggy.
i want to go home early after school and revise what i have done in school.
i hope i can make more friends and not enemies.
i want to stay single so that it wont affect my studies but i dont mind if i can find some cute to take care of me! (:
i hope my hard work wont pay off and i will get good results by the end of the year.
i want everyone around me including ME, the sick one to stay healthy, cheerful and lucky so that we can live happily ever after!
thank God for everything. bless. ;)