Bouncing back.

Somehow, interestingly, i am beginning to feel the peace coming from the decision to not go for exchange. well, it took one day of crying (uncontrollably), lots of happy food (kushinbo) and sleep (3h nap). but truly, i feel so much more set free now... thank You Lord. 

when Abraham had to make that decision to sacrifice Isaac, he must have grieved for awhile even before he chose to surrender. we are all humans with feelings and limited knowledge. i cant help but wonder how Sarah must have even reacted! she probably didn't understand too (if she even knew). 

my friends, those whom i shared my decision, were all just as sad. 

i felt especially bad to the two girls who are my 死党 and decided that we would leave NTU to spend our white Christmas and a new year count down together. right now, they must be extremely disappointed. its even more so since they're pre-believers and cannot understand where i am coming from. but well... they have also seen how i walked around like a zombie and didn't want to add salt to the wound so they kept quiet. the thought of having to go for lectures alone next semester or not having them around anymore drives me crazy already... 

everyone their immediate response to me was, 'you are rejecting it to run for presidency?'

i believe its two separate issues:

rejecting exchange programme was because Joyce said no, this is not God's plan for me. i obey, i honour, i understood and i agree though it hurts. while on the other hand, running for presidency is another decision, a calling i wanna seek God for. am i keen for it now? no. but we will see.

all in all, i reflected and realised that i really can have two ways to be responding to this episode...

one is that i can continue to dwell in my sorrow, keep asking why, think that i am very poor thing because 'i want to go exchange but my cgl doesnt allow' hence also inviting myself to doubt her, feel helpless that i am gonna be alone on this, play the blame game even and feel like a fool or loser. you think there weren't moments i wanted to reply, 'nobody can control my life. if i want to go nobody can stop me!'? looking at what i have just written, i honestly think that the enemy is trying very hard to find dark corners to creep into my life and cripple me. no Lord... You're Lord, not me. You're sovereign.

i choose to pray Thy will be done in and through my life. i choose to delight in the Lord. i choose to trust when i can't even trace His hands. i choose to believe this God who never changes, who never walks out of me. He is the One i knew so I will hang on. if it is in His fatherly character to love me, bless me with the best and even discipline me, then this CANNOT be a mistake. this WILL help me to grow. so this is my attitude. i will walk right with God. (or at least, i really want to try)

感觉有点欣慰。。。嘴里和心地，只想呐喊你的好。谢谢 老爸 :')

my chains are gone, I've been set free. my God my Savior has ransomed me. and like a flood His mercy reigns,unending love, amazing grace.