sorrie i didnt take any photos today on my cake process making! hmm, it was fun as usual, and i shared it with many ppl, and surprisingly, they said it was nice so i thought they were just comforting me. the ice cream sucked though. it tasted like some super diluted peppermint kinda thing that looked like detergent. HAHA. but its okay, im not so much of a perfectionist like munyee so i will try harder next time, improve it and do better! (: so guys, wait to go man, chef guoyi is coming!! haha.

its been windy lately, hope the windy season doesnt go till saturday cos i shall go kite flying then! haha. its really cooling, making my mood better but then, feeling a little over the extreme being too empty at times. sigh sigh. its cold again! whoo... anyway, i really got a bad sorethroat now. cos why? i ate 12HOTnuggets during recess just now. sorrie, haha, thats kinda torturing myself too though. cos i simply swallowed them down quickly like a giant not eaten for 5441946zillion years!! ohwell, if you dont believe, ask munyee, cos i KOPE all her nuggets away. SORRIE, DARLING!! haha (:


i thought it was just new year yesterday but yet, chinese new year is approaching. so what does that mean? february's here. and soon will be march. time's flying. and still, i wonder what to do. life's got no aim. i havent had a break for some time. hey, how bout saying a sorrie? that's as easy as a pea, cos everyone's been telling me to do it too. im so wicked. just by saying a sorrie wont kill me right? i wont have a piece of flesh lesser. but too, something's stopping me. I HATE MYSELF. lol. last time i thought saying sorrie is nothing cos i can say it to anyone anytime as many times as i want. but now? i cant even pronounce the S. or followed by O. R. R. I. E. look, i should just go back to kindergarden and reflect. how bout... maybe i say it here? SORRIE. hmm. afterall, i didnt SAY it with SINCERITY. RUBBISH.

i thought you smiled at me yesterday, did you? & where's your promises? where are my ice-cream? no cakes for you too! humph.

i shall quickly write a short post and get back to studying my chem. im sooooo hardworking okay, been reading through the chapters to get refreshed and start on elements all over again. sigh, seems like ms liang is kinda irresponsible for leaving us all those ws and disappear in school. how could she?! evil. oh well, dont blame her la. like what mrs cheong mentioned today in english lessons, DONT TALK RUBBISH IN PUBLIC COS YOU MAY JUST GET YOURSELF INTO TROUBLE ANYTIME. haha. i think i sorta liked her lessons somehow. ahh, and i hated mrs tan physics lessons. i never failed to fall asleep during her super entertaining and interesting lessons. HAHA. im being sooooooo sarcastic. alright, anw, i went to my doctor today instead of training. yawn. haha. nothing much la. the doctor continued to talk crap and tell me not to do blah blah blah, this and that, but nar, theres still p.e. tmr!! and im going man. (: IM NOT GOING TO FAIL NAPFA. haha. and im looking for tmrs stc match even though im not playing and even better on wed, the pratical time, HANDS-ON, ice-cream cake baking time!! (:

i sense that guoyi came back. not very sure though.

hmm, just now went out to take a walk at clementi central and also to the big book shop to stock up my correction tapes. so yeahh, the breeze that blew onto my face might be cold, but indeed woke me up. i have think through much things but havent really come to a conclusion. but thanks friends, i know your havent once given up on me so i hope i wouldnt do this to myself too. now i truly know who are the ones that care, the ones that bother. thank God for letting you be there, be the pillar of guoyi when she's down. however, its time for me to learn how to slowly pick up after this fall. i need to learn how to walk myself, cos i know i wouldnt be able to rely on you guys for the rest of my lives as if treating your as my clutches. trust me, i can do it! i just need a little help once in a while every now and then when im falling back.

okay, and now, i need to get back to work cos there's a tons waiting for me right behing me now on my table. sigh sigh, feel like skipping school tmr, should i?

anyway, also made this ugly skin. but i thought its rather meaningful and true. oh well, blame myself who i have done. what i reap is what i sow. i gotta live with it. hey guoyi, you have had enough, time to get back to yourself? *poof* *tink* she's back! here she comes...

guoyi, get a life. look, everyone, or maybe most of your friends cared. so you better stop all these rubbish and get on with your life. dont run away from these problems by saying you wanna go away. i hate you, guoyi.

im a depressed kid.

i looked into the mirror just now and guess who i saw? i saw this little plump girl who's sucha bitch and a loser. she's got crocodile tears there rolling down her ugly face. and what's more? she's a big liar and always run away from reality. nobody's looking up on her and it really hurts her badly. you know, even though her smiley face on the outside always trick others that she's a cheerful kid, but only a few knows her evilness deep hidden inside her heart. she's horrible but she's weak. and wicked of course. you know, even this sorta ppl got their times to be down. she thought she's gonna break down anytime starting from now. and that could only mean that all those funny dumb thoughts are coming back to her telling her what to do. her looks tells me that she's gonna proceed to look for something sharp on her table... someone better stop her before it's too late.

and today again during mrs cheong's english lessons, i stared into the air wondering what i have been doing for the past whole year again. come and go, i feel so betrayer and unloyal. they are those friends that are still there while im not. im treating them as granted and like as if they are nothing. i wish they could just hate me. sorry. im the hypocrite who always jump around and chooses my friends. i dont fit to be a good friend of anyones. cos one day, i might just do the same thing to them. im a selfish freak who only thinks of myself. dont learn from me!!

well, at least today i had fun doing ice cream. and it really sorta cheered me up, keeping my mind off many things. im aiming really far this time round. hope i wont get oo disappointed too. i really wanna do something good. and guess its also good that poornima is not in my group. sometimes i have got enough of her. lol. oh ya, something to you guys too. my new addiction after ice cream is... CHICKEN NUGGETS. muahah. i tell you what, i cant live through the day if i dont have nuggets for recess. (:

i tried to let go, but i couldnt.
maybe im still going to hold on for a while,
but it wont last long, cos i know i dont have the strength to.
i just cant bear to tell my mind, let him go.
i have too many doubts and buts bout letting you go.
im really sorrie.

yes, alright, im recounting those memories again. and its like, for a while, i thought i lost them. but now, im picking them up again. like, i just think that they are not meant to be thrown away anyway. i should just treasure it now since im going to grow old one day and slowly forgetting them.

today, during english lesson, mrs cheong talked all bout the consequences from your every action. i guess she was right. one has conscience, what is done is done and you just have to face the sins you have planted. and from there, my mind was drifted off again, to five years back or so... where life was just so innocent, and how friendship lasts and love is like as pure as DISTILLED WATER. haha. (: so sweet yeahh? its never gonna be the same again since time waits for no man.

i met zhen yuan yesterday on bus 196. i wished i could have plucked up the courage and asked for his number since i havent been catching up with him for sometime. its like, he's mature now and muscular unlike the plump little boy i used to know. to be honest here, he used to have a crush on me. and he did all sorta things to win me over. but nar, that time i just thought its rather stupid. come to think of it, its rather sweet having to accept a CRYSTAL SWAN and i didnt know i was that popular then.

then suddenly i rmb daryl again. all the flashbacks just ran through my mind continously like a movie. so vivid as usual. and now, i would rate my top 3 best memories with whoever it is. dont be sad if you are not up there! it certainly takes time and of course hard for me to have a deep impression on something! (:
1. daryl waited for me sooo long at my house's bus stop on that stormy night just to ask for a catch up.
2. the whole of 21 february 2006.
3. the day i watched the movie: the nun, in june last year.
hey guys, anyway, i wanna make things clear here too. im saying all these now isnt because im still missing daryl or whatsoever but its all because those memories just floated back. i know they have been hidden in the darkest corner of my heart for a long time and they need to come back once in a while and to let me know that they are still there. i know, i dont wanna neglect them too. look, sometimes i really catch myself smiling at myself when im all alone on the bus cos i always rmb things like that. i no longer treat them as stupid things but surprisingly, they are those funny little parts and parcels of my memories that i definitely wanna keep throughout my life because they may seem silly to you, but special for me. and its like, my brain cant fit so much thing, but i DIE DIE also will want to keep my best friends like MUNYEE in my heeart always. (:

sorry for nagging again. im glad you finished reading all those up there. and if you happened to be my junior reading this right now, i bet you dont know whats going on. haha, its okay, since your still dont know me well enough. i shall tell your my grandma's story some other time. or you can just approach my current LIVE DIARY a.k.a. HOMUNYEE. and that means i tell her everything. haha. AND THAT INCLUDES ALL MY PASSWORD IN MY HANDPHONE. haha. MUNYEE, I TRUST YOU!! (:

i thank God for blessing me and everyone else around me, even if it includes my enemies. HAHA. but oh well, actually before mrs cheong's voice wake me up, the last thing i rmb i was thinking of was... singing baa baa black sheep. but when my mouth started opening after lessons, i sang, "but if i let you go, i would never know, what my life would be, holding you close to me. will i ever see, you smiling back at me, oh yeah, how i would i know, if i let you go..." i mean it.

okay, im being random. these pictures and taken just now and yeahh. enjoy! (:


first pic here. i thought this guy is rather cute. haha, look at the way he laugh, sorry, but im not falling in love with him. THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT. (:

HAHA. FINALLY I GOT A SHOT OF FIFI. (:

look. they spelled SMILE wrongly. its done by the manfort guys. and they spelled it as SIMLE at first. THEY ARE SEC 4s OKAY?! but it still looked quite nice in choc with a smiley face. and i took the pic like as if its on the wall rihgt? (:

MY MOMMY'S STALL (:

LOL, this is lame. I THINK PPL STILL SMOKE IN NTSS, obviously.

MY DARLING AND I. good shot (:

okay, im getting heavier. (: but sorry, thats with my sister puting her leg on the weighing scale too! HAHA

my teddy family. ((: certainly brings back memories.

porcupine chocolate. STOLE THE IDEA FROM MANFORT. ha-ha.

many hands. EATING BIRD FOOD. haha. okay, seriously, its PEAnuts. and WHITE CHOCOLATE!! muahah (YUM)

this one up there is specially dedicated to MUNYEE of course. (: but in the end it was still eaten!!

and i was bored. so i did that up there, my lovely chocolate. trust me, i one do one so ugly like this for valentines. HAHA

guess what im going to show you guys? CHOCOLATE, specially made by guoyi!! that's safe for sure and its really awesome. i learnt this technic just now during the class at sp called food innovation!! yeahh, as you can see photos up there that really took me some time to put on, even though it looked a LITTLE disgusting BUTTTT DO NOT JUDGE THE BOOK BY ITS COVER. its so nice you gotta try it once at least. anyway i agreed its fun cos i really played the whole time with those GUYS and of course messed me these sticky stuff. then after that, i forgot i was supposed to meet marla so i went home already since munyee told me to. guys!! im going to make some good food for you so wait patiently!! hmm, i will be back soon with my new G&G's ice-cream cake. (:

alright, now my time to update bout what happened just now for the day of 23jan07, a BORING tuesday with me PISSEDDDDDDDDD offf really badly. HAHA. but honestly, guoyi knows herself, and she never really gets pissed. EXCEPT AFTER GETTING A NONSENSE SLAP FROM SOME DISRESPECTFUL BITCH. how bout putting it in more detailed? NO, i dont want others to start saying that im a LIAR. like how i was used to. LOL.

okay, enough of this, even though im not feeling good today, TIMOTHY KHOR has amazingly cheered me up... cos we went home together and he told me this funny fact that he's actually the first time eating a cake and that the cake is made out of OUR HANDS. haha. timothy, if you are reading this, i want you to knwo that i feel that the cake is also PARTIALLY made by you since you really made a mess in the kitchen just now teasing me, and peeling those pathetic grapes skins off. HAHA. alright, and im still quite agitated because of poornima giving away my cakes to ppl like shiva instead of kenneth and yoges cos i promised them i would... oh well, i would od a better one for them next time then! (:

how bout revealing the answers of my quiz previously? hmm, prepare... drum roll please! (: but anw, apparently i received most answers as Bs and then followed by Cs but sadly, no Ds at all, amazingly, but i will still tell you what it means. and rmb? i chose B!! (lousy ans but its so freaking true.) yeahh, and believe it or not its up to you cos im ther counsellor here. haha. so here's how it goes: for those who have chosen...

A.) knock on the door ONCE.
and that can only mean that you are a cheerful person who's always looking forward to everything and that love is an important thing in you life. even though you're shy, you patiently wait for your other half to appear though he may not be ready yet too. you will be there anytime to start off a new even though you may have one or two failures in relationships but it's alright cos you recover just as soon!
definitely!
chances of getting into a relationship = 60%

B.) knock on the door TWICE.
you have been hurt very badly the previous time and therefore you are running away from the fact now and that you never want the same thing to happen again so you never dare to try it again. love is like that, you gotta learn from past experiences cos no one's perfect. time to get back to reality and that once again, try again. open up your heart and accept others.
(:
chances of getting into a relationship = 40%

C.) do nothing bout it and simply walk away.
you totally give up on this sorta mushy stuff. maybe it didnt suit you cos you are too ambitious or you never thought of starting a sweet relationship, loving someone differently from the way you love you family and friends. you just think that its not the time for it. maybe you did just that you ended harshly cos you think its too boring for you and its a waste of time for both sided. or if there's some other special reason behind it, dont be afraid, just go for it. start thinking bout it, or it might be too late cos you need to start a family soon too! dont say NO when you are being confessed anymore.
hehe.
chances of getting into a relationship = 20%

D.) start screaming.
oh well, guess you have been desperate. wanting to get into a relationship as much as anything else. there can be many reasons behind this... probably that you want attention, maybe even some experiences? peer pressure, or even that you wanna find back the love that you lost? sometimes, you just have to let nature take its course, cos you will still end up leaving your partner when you realised that you didnt really love him or her afterall.
gosh, dont let stupid things happen, pretty please?
chances of getting into a relationship = 80%

how bout six months? i havent really cried this badly for... six months? cos you were the one, who made me broke my record, made me break my promise and made me cry. youu, the culprit, what can i do to you to stop all these from happening? they are happening i know, but i hope it will come to an end soon.

do you know?
how many times a day i missed you, wondering if i took the wrong step. i tried to insist and comfort myself that i didnt, but apprarently, something tell me its totally wrong. somehow, regrets are filling in. you dont know the times i pressed your handphone number on my handphone, cos i wanted to say sorry, or even say hi. sometimes, i dont even know why but i just realised your number was on my handphone's screen. but still, i managed to self-control. and to press cancel the everytimes i almost dial.

and so i was so freaking distracted i left vid alone and i couldnt say anything to her. but hey vid, i do hope my presence there makes you feel better, alright? thanks for understanding. i certainly think that im making a fool outta myself out there whenever i wanna secretly look at you, to see how you are but turn my head off immediately when you catch my eye. that's plain stupidness. who can be as retarded as me? a girl who doesnt know what shes doing, yet she continues. maybe its not as bad as being like vid, at least everyone cares. HA-HA. then maybe i will catch your that little attention? MAYBE, I WISH.

hey guoyi, whats up with you? how can you just abandon your so called best friend and do things your way. you are being so selfish. but look, he cares. just that he didnt make it as obvious as before. and you are being too greedy. so can you stop it please please pretty please? so childish and naive. just wake up la. this is no longer a dream, its a nightmare now. cmon, you started it, just go back and undo it, and yeahh, thats it, everything will be alright. (AND I WANT TO UNDO IT IF I HAVE GOT A CHANCE.)


guess what? come to think of it, i think everything's too late. its my fault. theres no way its coming back, even though im still patiently waiting for time to go back on its own...

and i think i just broke down again. im sorrie. i dont wanna anything bout my life gotta do with you anymore. im a burden, a big prob. just let me be. LET ME GO. im getting sick and tired. im giving up, hear that? i have got enough. just forget bout me, forget bout the times we had together. its over. does it matter? if im really there or not...

how bout a quiz here? tagg me your answers! ((:

one day, you're lost in the jungle. but as you walk alone, you come across this wooden house that really makes you feel like you are in a fairytale. so... what will you do?
A.) knock on the door ONCE.
B.) knock on the door TWICE.
C.) do nothing bout it andd simply walk past.
D.) start screaming.
my answer is B. and it has got some real meaning behind it. try it, and i shall reveal the answer in a few days time. so do come back and visit! (hint: has got something to do with LOVE.)

okay, im rather upset now after suddenly bringing up the topic of drifting from the clique. whoever is reading this from the clique and understands what im talking bout, then i just wanna apologise and say many many BIG sorries. i dont know whats been into me but things really are changing. im becoming so lousy, so loser, so sucky, giving up everything and that includes all my besties buddies... i hate it!! so guoyis giving up all these because of what? studies?! her parents?! but what did she get? regrets and regrets only. look, she's not even allowed to go church even if shes good staying at home. thats like, SO FREAKING UNFAIR!im so afraid... that i will just give up on stupid things like...
VIDYA?! NO, NEVER!! SURE BOUT THAT.
STUDIES?! I DO HOPE NOT...
LOVE?! probably... i dont know...
the friendship with you-know-who?! i think i already did...
oh whateva it is, i really dont know hwat to do. its like. gosh, everythings squeezing into my brain, poor me, gotta take one thing at a time... zz... help. DONT LET ME BE SUCIDAL AGAIN.
AND I SIMPLY DOESNT FIT TO BE IN THE FAMILY OF NTE. NO, IM NOT, GET IT?!

girl, sorry, im so so sorry... after only reading you post, i know that i have irritated you, disturbed you... should have given you the freedom right? but i want you to know, at that moment, when i saw you walking out of the school, i ran sooo fast i didnt know what i was doing... i was just so worried you might just dash out into the road and do anything silly... i thought my accompany might make you feel better... alright, maybe im wrong, but please please i beg you, never give up? cos i havent a time given up on you cos yes, i still see the old vidya in you. you are just right there, but dont let these things overcome you. rmb what i told you? ms tan really really wants you to play, but of course, we need to get your health back first right? nobody's looking down you cmon. i knwo you can do it too. sometimes, i just run out of words to say but i believe you know what i want to say. then listen, will you? you existence really matters to me. you are going to pass o levels with flying colours. you are going to be a very successful person in life. you are going to. YES YOU ARE.

WAAAA, i got to see TAN YIYAN TODAY. HA-HA. she's SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FREAKING CHIO, & she's gotta boyfriend okay. that's like, WOW. DONT PLAY LA. cool. haha. and its like, what bout me? no where, no one wants. like, cant compare with them. IM UGLYYYYY. gosh. help. and yeah, nicholas and yvonne were there too. its like, its not meant to be liddat. cos its supposed to me meeting yvonne for A WHILE, and then there comes nicholas POPING out of no where just sitting down with us. HUH, and after an HOUR or so, yiyan came and said HI, and she also joined us in our CONTAGIOUS LAUGHTER. we seemed to be the only NOISY ones in CLEMENTI MACS. haha. so yeah, i think we continued for another THREE hours while spending almost TEN BUCKS to buy FRIES only. haha. and bout half an hour before we left, benjamin goh appeared. even though he only knows me, he was FRIENDLY and HAD FUN TOGETHER. LOL. so yeahh, by the time i reached home, i got stomach CRAMPS over laughing. KEKEXZ. ((: i also saw julian on the bus, but i dont know, something made me IGNORE him. HEHE.

MATHS TEST. apparently, i got my RESULTS. fine, let's not describe how DISAPPOINTED i got. BORDER-LINE FAIL. HAVE THE GUOYI YOU KNOW EVER GOT THAT LOW FOR MATHS?!?! then what's next? i almost CRIED in class this morning THANKS TO MRS LENA ANG for talking bout Jesus being cruxified. its HORRID. eeew. HELP. im not gonna think bout it again. YUCK. bleh. nevertheless, FOUR periods of MS ANG'S lessons makes one VOMITS. TNANK God. that's TWO hours to remind you.
BUT THE THING THAT SPOILED MY DAY WAS DURING P.E.. WHY? THAT'S BECOS I TOOK MY HEIGHT AND WEIGHT. FACE THE FACT, GUOYI: YOU ARE FAT AND SHORT; UGLY AND NO ONE WANTS. SUCKY.


had been sleepy cos i havent gotta to rest well. sigh sigh, and im still facing much prob here. hope you understand and stand me for being crazy once in a while.
sometimes, i really really do miss you.

training was rather fun today even though i dont admit that its a slacky and sloppy one. i enjoyed cos i was guiding the sec 1s all the way for somehow a reason or another you know that i dont get to play in B zone. let's nort talk bout it agian okay... gonna upset me only. haha. so yeah, SOOOOO many of them joined us and its like, im glad mr singh came down too! (:
guys, i guess you enjoyed more than i did yeah?! MWUAHHHH. (so much saliva. HEHE)

thankyou. thankyou very much. thankyou so much. i know you are there. i know that. and i really do. but i thought im being greedy. for wanting something mroe than that. its like, oh forget it, ignore what im thinking then. sorry. sigh. nvm, and you know what, i guess someone proved me wrong. she told me i was right when i said you have changed. oh well. did you? or was i the one? i dont know. the thing i know is im getting confused up. at time to time, i kept asking myself, is it worth it? do you care? sometimes i get the answer YES, while most of the other times a NO. so apparently, my poor and sick heart is telling me to give up since im getting tired of it. now i know how difficult it is to continue it, this friendship, that i never thought would turn sour. have you bothered reviving it? or drag on, letting it drift in the wide blue sea endlessly? you know, im in the wrong too. neither have i put in the effort, i guess.


& i prayed for the YOU i used to know to come back.
but nar, it's never gonna happen. what a comfort.

anyone wanna help me with a little gastric prob here? i dont know what's going on inside but yeahh, one thing i know, im getting pale becos of it. oh well, serve me right, i deserve this. im sinful. so would i be able to go school tmr? that would be a good question. i dont wanna miss any more classes okay! and i still got a ton of homework waiting for me behind! stop lying in bed, guoyi!


it has always been a good friendship. yes i know. i have always tried my best to treasure it. but did you? sometimes i doubt so. of course, i dont wanna compare the status between me and her or drag her into this story of ours. you got too many of your sis and i wonder if i make a difference too. i rmb how sweet it was when two of us can hang out around the malls and eat ice cream together. but have it happened again?
i thought, THAT DAY, ended everything. so tell me, have it? i know you know what im referring to. cos i just dont seem to forget a single detail of it. unless i have always been nothing to you, you would have forgotten it long long ago. at first, i thought we were drifting away, and i thought i was thinking too much. but then soon, time proved to me that everything was was just right. it just seemed impossible for you to handle everything so well. i guess i probably have been a burden to you, that's why i chose to leave and that i can also go for a new lifestyle. now here you are again, wanting me back, are you? are you selfish or am i the one, throwing away this perfect wonderful "friend", that is you? i said if time machine existed, i would choose not to know you from the start and not to change the way things are. that's because it has been a tiring experience.






& YOU made me so FUCKING CONFUSED up again cos only YOU can do it.

















but you know the truth? if i really have a time machine, i would rebuild this friendship cos it means to me more than anything else, be it to give up that long waiting love.

and my freaking knuckles hurt. thanks to myself, for whacking the wall so hard, they went numbed and got swollened up. lol. now i have difficulty at typing. haha. oh well, currently feeling quite cold cos i think i got drenched again. hais. anyway, bryan asked me out for a movie. hmm, i really wanted to go! but ya... how would my mom ever let me go on this wet sunday afternoon... and im left alone in the house to study with my handphone when its so dead. help.
there's training tmr! i wanna go. but i still dont get to play in the tournament and especially in the first game on thursday vs peicai. goshh. whyy. me=suck ):

I HATE ANONYMOUS.

now i know. i not only inspired my little juniors to become student leaders, also did i inspired them to be softballers! suddenly i feel like as if im a very successful person. but hey guys, your just go for what's best for you okay? dont get peer pressure and be influenced like how i was used to be. haha. take care and im gonna be watching over your like an angel!

suddenly i fell like going to church. nar. but i know my idiotic mom wouldnt let me cos she insist on her way, always. sighh. what to do? im still waiting.

i thought i just rmb an incident that happened this morning. it was indeed hilarious. my mother's friend asked me while my mom was away, "hey, so... how you are studying in NTU now or NUS?" then i gave a very loud "HUH?!" and laughed my head off. i claimed that im in sec 3 this year and she told me to stop hiding my age. HAHA. oh well, I KNOW IM MATURE. BUT DONT MAKE ME SOUND LIKE IM OLDDDDDDDD. LOL


off to cake baking again. zz.

to anonymous:
you know, everytime i thought i have forgotten certain things... you never failed to remind me of them all over again;
everytime i catch myself smiling and laughing alone, i know its all because those memories came back;
everytime when tears begin to fill my face, i know its all because i started wondering why i cant go back time; everytime i thought promises are meant to be fulfilled but now i know im wrong cos they are meant to be broken; everytime i eat ice cream cos im supposed to be happy but im lying but no one knows why;
everytime i wanna start this life all over again but i always cant do it.
everytime when i tried to pluck up the courage to love again, i prayed that history wont repeat itself. but even if it didnt, another sad story would befall on me. that's why its not as easy as how one can do it. you may be able to, but sorry, i dont know how. once bitten, twice shy. i cant help but fill myself with regrets.if only love is as easy as spoken, i would be the happiest girl on Earth.

everytime i hope that you would be there for me,
you would always be there.


but not for me.








and only for her.

ERR, GUOYI HAS GONE HIGH AND NUTS AFTER DRINKING SOME COKE light & diet COKE DURING AEM CLASS JUST NOW. OH NO, HOW?! what to do??

boo! timothy's not online again. and i got no one to grumble at! saddd. haha. zz. its okay, store my anger and vent it on the ice-cream. but nar, not tonight, i just had a PROPER DINNER, yeahh, right, rice and soup. haha. so that's enough for me.

today school sucked. its so rainy, and its leaking on the roof! gosh. and im freaking drenched when im back, and i dont wanna fall sick! but i already am. oh well, anyway, then after school we are supposed to go for CCA open house and then i cant! why? that's because i got the freaking idiotic AEM. I WASTED MY 3HRS LISTENING TO A LECTURE I DONT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND AT ALL. ITS ALL BUOT BUSINESS. lol. my juniors are joining softball toO! cool. i inspired them to be student leaders too. that's my goal.
okay, next, today, i heard rumors on the this guy named, ZHIXIANG, and me, and the rumor says: HE LIKES ME. and he's younger. NO WAY!! haha. that's evil and direct but im sorry, he's like my cute little brother ((: so what's up with him, and his friends?! crapp. dont spoil my reputation. im the school's CARE & CONCERN ambassador. cmon, pleaseeee.
so that's also this AEM after school that really tires me out. and i also had a great time laughing. obviously thanks to simin as usual. POORNIMA ACTUALLY LEFT EARLY WITH FIFI. wth. they pon-ded. haha. and there's this guy, that somehow keep attracting my attention after hearing my giggles when im sitted behind him. and guess what, he got a freaking DUMB NAME called, MICHAEL JORDAN. ya, and my name is AVRIL LAVIGNE. LOL. yeahh, he's retarded honestly, following me hear and there, everywhere. HAHA, lucky i was with munyee and simin. (: so freaking irritatinggggggggg.

when i went home with julian, he sorta "scolded" me. really made me cry after i get down. he was like " PANGSEH LA!?" then i blur blur and ask what. and he said cos i drift away from the clique. so he asked "dont wanna see ahmad is it?" so what's he's prob man. dragging him in again. rubbish la. and its like i dont know why but i was having a very bad headache so cant be bothered with him. lala. julian did wake me up, but so? AHMAD ISNT IN NTSS ANYMORE. ALAL. AND WHY SHOULD I AVOID HIM. WHO IS HE MAN. BLAH BLAH. i hang out with the sec 1s isnt because im pathetic, its because i have changed, get it? thanks for being understanding.

blogger's still a little mad. so am i. haha. just finished another tub of haagen DUST. haha. its good, COFFEE. i wanted to eat that zoea's house at first, but turned out that my dad's friend actually bought a tub for me back home too. seems like everyone knows that i LOVE<3333 ice cream. MUAHAHA. thank God for that's for dinner again. what's with me? I ADMIT I DID SLIM DOWN 3KG ALREADY AND YET, WHAT THE HELL AM I STILL DOING?! gotta stop this before it gets worse. nooooooooo. i dont wanna become like vid okay. that's like too much.

anyway, did another maths test today in class which cost 10marks and requires us to do A SIMPLE ALGEBRA QUESTION IN A MINUTE FOR TEN QUESTIONS. and you know what? ONE OF THE QUESTIONS GOES LIKE THIS: 2y+3x = blahh; 2xy = blahh. yeahh, you're right, ITS APPARENTLY STIMULTANEOUS. so how did i fair? i dont know, one thing im sure, it sure IS A SURPRISE TEST, GIVING ME HEART ATTACK ON THE SPOT AND I DIDNT FINISH. HOW CAN I?!?!?!? for once, im gonna hate ms ang for being sooooooooo kind. she's been so nice to give us a test before recess when we just had 2hrs of her lessons. MATHS LESSONS. lol, WELL DONE.

there's open house tmr! woots. and what's worse? I CANT SEEM TO GO. THAT'S BECAUSE KIND MRS LIM POSTPONED TODAY'S AEM TO TMR. soooooo great of her. i dont get to see who's joining softball. i dont get to help pull ppl. i dont get to see my junior. i dont get to have fun with soo many ppl. i dont get to see their parents. i dont get to go around playing games in the booth. i dont get anything!! boo hoo. mommmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. )):


you said you would call me back, but you didnt.
help;
someone help me get rid of this irritating sickness.
i wanna face reality.

something's wrong with blogger so yeah, i guess i just wanna tell you guys i finished another tub of BEN'S&JERRY'S icecream called the COOKIES&CREAM ((:

sorry, anorexic's looking for me again. hands trembling. havent eaten for the day. not even drinking much. and yet im still crapping and laughing my energy off. aww. oh ya. and i forgot you are having tuition now. haha. JIAYOU (:

just reached home... so tired but on the line with zoea... its like, we are here crapping away, wasting our life away instead of studying and BATHING. HAHA.okay okay, i know i stink, but im really sleepy now, and there's nothing much for me to do. so i guess by looking at this 21 inches computer will make me stay awake a little though.

today attended the AEM on food innovation and its AWESOME. im the class rap and mr alfred goh is in charged. its damnnnnn coooool! i love it, enjoyed it and of course, looking forward. my team is called the G & G, stands for GU-GU-GA-GA(lame, i know) but the real meaning behind it is GEORGE GOH, actually referring to mr goh himself. oh well, on the other way, HOWEVER, I MISSING THE TOURNAMENTS. EVERYTHING THAT SUPPOSEDLY MEAN SOOO MUCH TO ME. gosh, what's going on, why liddat? whyy meeeeeeeeee???? why cant i just get AEM and into the games. *CRY*

sorry, i sorta missed you at that time? and then so ya, aiyah, nvm. whateva it is, haha, i have got my juniors accompanying me home now. hmm, take care and good luck, YOU ARE NOT GONNA FAIL YOUR MATHS TEST. cheeeeeeeer up. (waiting for you to online!!)


and now talking to bryan SHORT on the phone. haha.

hmm, apparently, i want you to know that the last paragraph from the previous post was meant for you. im waiting for you to fill it up. but im not sure if it will leak or not. im so sorrie. i really feel touched after reading it. been thinking lotsa stuff ytd when i rather down. guess what? vid's been telling me how good a guy you are. haha. indeed siding you. and its like, you are the last man standing you know? haha, hope you understand that. and yeahh, anw, maybe.. we should be back to last time, how close we were that time, but also its time to study. so, aiyah, i dont know how to say this but i know you are smart enough to understand. i hope you meant what you say cos i meant it too. i enjoyed your company and really love the way you make me smile with your weird jokes. its just so special unlike others. we may seem to have little time with each other, but still we know how important we are to each other. so i really really really really really hope we can study hard together and get into the same JC together and yeah, by that time, we would probably be ready? i do hope so. one last thing, rmb how i keep seeing you in school everyday and yet only smile to each other? so many a time i got the urge to go up to you and say, hey, hows everything? we havent been talking... its like, STRANGER. i dont want that to happen okay. haha. i dont wanna feel awkward everytime i see you. i wanna be natural. so must you okay? and thank you sooo much for changing for the better, whether it is for me or not. wondering how you are feeling now, cos im still a little confused bout whats going between us, and i dont wanna our work to be affected too. see you around tmr recess! (:

hmmm, finally get to blog! been talking for a freaking hour with my friends online, especially timothy and zoea! (: hmm, rather disappointed when ms tan told me she wont be registering my name down for the B division in softball team. LOOK, NOT EVEN A RESERVED, TOTALLY DONT GET TO PLAY AT ALL. gosh, can you imagine how i feel? that's like, almost hell i guess? cmon la, its my dreammmmmm lorr. and the thing is, ITS NOT BECOS OF MY INJURY ON MY LEG. but studies. AEM. wonderful. regrets taking it. argh. what to do, i cant seem to back out now. its so tiring. think, staying back everyday for rubbish and then going home late at night to study for tests and doing homework. what is this life? repeating and repeating. oh well, but nar, im not giving up! cos timothy and munyee's there to push me. guys, buck up too! im here to catch your when your fall. and timothy, LET'S GO NJ TOGETHER YEAH?! our common goal to look up to. let me tell munyee bout it too! gotta to rush back to study but let me make somethings clear la.

i thought my heart is really vaccant now. for i have really let go the past. my heart's as empty as my piggybank. HAHA. (NOW THAT WAS A JOKE.) and i dont knwo who's gonna fill it up. i gotta feeling something's coming back. and yet he doesnt know. he might be reading, but yet he doesnt understand. but so what? its not the time. we need to be good students. we will still be the best of friends like we always have been. lately, i have been stress. other than munyee, i dont seem to find a person comfortable to talk to. its like, here my solving others problems, acting like a cheerful girl who cares for everyone, but there inside, im a depressed kid who's struggling with my parents and HIM. i dont know how to deal with it, & i really dont know how.


help me-
& i really want you to know that i like you.

ahh, im getting so so so so irritated. yamato nadeshiko shichi henge on youtube just wont buffer. I WANNA WATCHHHHHHHHHH. haha. hmm, early in the morning im here to make noise again. oh well, later i gonna get back to work anw, so just let me be will ya? hah. anyway, i found my hair so short while looking into the mirror just now. sooooooooo ugly. argh, im always ugly. im a hungry man now, i wanna bake cake!!!!

hmm, surprisingly, many of the 1e3-ians kept in contact with me by adding me online, on friendster and of course sms me. im so glad i get to see them everyday in school but at the same time, sad that the orientation is sucha short one and i havent really start chatting with them on personal stuff la. and also, i really do hope this year, softball will get to recruit more ppl and we will have a family of softballers, a very very big team, to win for mdm neo and prove to the whole school that we can do it and not look down on us!! (:

alright, i have comfortable got myself 15hrs of sleep, not yet broke my previous record of 16hrs. haha. so now i know how it feels like running a only probably 10++hrs camp and you can be dead beat. but i guess its cool. its like, within these three days, i thought i became some adults or something who can actually lead a whole class of 40 pupils. sigh. i think seeing them smile is worth the every bead of perspiration.

i want to thank my class e1/3 for giving me this chance to prove my ability of being a leader and im glad that they managed to win the bouquet of flowers and being called the most cheerful class even though they are not. haha. they have been very good especially for the girls and exception for some guys that stressed me out. i do hope 1/3 enjoyed my accompany too. guys, have fun staying in newtown and do often keep in contact with me okay? i will be more than happy to see your! (:

school's lessons being tiring too. its like, homework streaming in like a flood and tests are coming so i must be well prepared, studying and going crazy... stuff liddat can kill. but i gotta manage well, cos that's what i promised my darling munyee! (:

WHOO. i cant believe school's starting tmr. hmm, somehow, this year im more enthu, feeling anxious. haha. alright. just came out from the bathroom, and felt rather unhappy bout my body figure since im really having the little tummy bulging out. GONNA SLIM DOWN IN 2007, MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL.

im rather upset after unsucessfully baking the chocolate cake and even worse, i burnt my finger AGAIN. sobb. crap. actually it was alright, but thanks to my sister's irritatingness, oh well, I JUST HATE IT.

happy new year guys. its been a great year in 2006 and i really do hope it will be a better one in the coming 2007, or maybe its here already.

2007 new year resolutions:
i wanna drop all the bad and sadd memories and pick the good ones only.
i wanna stay faithful to God and be a good girl and study hard for my o levels.
i wish i wouldnt spend so much money on shopping again and save more and put them in my piggy.
i want to go home early after school and revise what i have done in school.
i hope i can make more friends and not enemies.
i want to stay single so that it wont affect my studies but i dont mind if i can find some cute to take care of me! (:
i hope my hard work wont pay off and i will get good results by the end of the year.
i want everyone around me including ME, the sick one to stay healthy, cheerful and lucky so that we can live happily ever after!
thank God for everything. bless. ;)