sunny, useless.


its just too tiring to move on. i dont know what i want anymore. i guess you're just nort the one im looking for. all i needed was someone whom i can share my problems with and spend those wonderful times together. before it hurts more to leave, i should go now. i dont wanna argue anymore, blame everything on me, its all my fault, happy? if only you really care...
cos im willing to give up everything for you, if you show me what true love means.

windy/cloudy, drained.


i know i had been lame, random, or whateva you call it for all that i have written over the previous two posts but it was actually out of boredom. anyway i had good day today despite training this morning.

coach said my batting is okay but my eyeing sucks. he may be blunt but i gotta admit that. whateva, i have given up already, but may be i will go back on my words. nevertheless, i got whacked a few times today, even after the de ja vu. aww, its okay. oh, by the way, i love the weather. ((:

daryl, weisheng, munyee, linus, henglun and i went to watch shrek 3 today at vivo. saw a few newtowners whom i really despised but who cares. HA. i really enjoyed the movie even though it was a short one but it certainly was humourous and sweet. i just love those drawing, AND SO DO I LOVE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE'S VOICE!! next, they sorta "dropped by" my house cos munyee kept bugging to watch her blah blah whateva SHOWW, right munyee? ((: i shall nort expose your deepest secret. hehe. anyway, the rest of the guys then played my new devices with me in my air-cond-ed room. NO MORE SAUNA. anyway, SORRY DAVE, MISS US. wheee




i wish we could sit down and talk it over AGAIN but how many times have we tried that and when did it turn out to be good? nothing was solved from the start. perhaps you just wont get things right. may be we're just not meant to be. there always seem to be a problem somewhere. well, it probably would have lied on me cos im always the one picking on it cos im too much of a perfectionist, im sorry, you're just not who i think you are. what a disappointment. AND I REALLY HATE MYSELF FOR HAVING SUCH HIGH EXPECTATIONS. cos what's the point? when sooner or later, you'll just chase everyone off.
girl, no one will make friends with you soon.

I WAS BORED SO I DID THIS:


I AM...
WU GUOYI.

I WANT...
TO GO SENTOSA.

I HAVE....
BACKACHE NOW.

I WISH....
I CAN BE SOMEWHERE WITH SOMEONE WATCHING THE STARS AND ENJOYING THE NIGHT BREEZE NOW.

I HATE....
TO HEAR PPL CALL ME NAMES.

I FEAR....
OF BEING INDECISIVE.

I HEAR...
God's words.

I SEARCH...
for true love and friendship.

I WONDER...
if the person i like will ever like me back.

I REGRET...
GIVING OFF MY FIRST TIME TO SOMEONE NORT WORTH IT.

I LOVE...
BEING A LITTLE PRINCESS although it may only be in my GOGOland.

I ACHE...
AFTER EVERY SOFTBALL TRAINING.

I AM ALWAYS...
SLEEPY.

I AM NOT...
RICH.

I NEVER...
WANT TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THE WRONG GUY AGAIN.

I RARELY...
play games.

I CRY...
when i get hurt but nobody really knows.

I AM NOT ALWAYS...
SO KIND JUST THAT YOU HAVENT SEEN ME GET ANGRY.

I LOSE...
to her, in everything, and i hated that.

I NEED...
someone to really care and show to me that he or she really means it.

I SHOULD...
IMPROVE ON MY LANGUAGE.

I LONG FOR...
A TRIP TO CANADA?

I DRIVE...
a bicycle.

I ANALYZE...
SMART YET BEAUTIFUL PPL COS THE WORLD IS ALWAYS SO UNFAIR.

I WILL...
never give on my friends cos they mean too much to me.

I HOPE...
i can be a good girl and stop hating my parents.

I HURT...
myself when i realise that im just a weakling.

I FEEL...
DISGUSTED WHEN I DONT RECOGNISE MY PRIMARY SCHOOL FRIEND.

I HIDE...
my feelings away all the times.

I LISTEN...
to music.

I BREATHE...
in more oxygen than normal ppl cos doc says my brain is lacking of it.

I'VE LEARNED...
to forgive and forget.

I DREAM ABOUT...
BEING A DOCTOR WHEN IM SCARED OF BLOOD!

I WAIT...
for my mr. right.

I SAY...
mushy stuff to my only loved ones.

I THINK...
being a career woman who can work and earn a million by 30years old? JOKE.

I KNOW...
i may nort be a perfect, someone as good as you think, but im trying my best to be what you want me to be, cos i dont care bout who i want to be, when all i think is that im just a bitch.

I PLANNED ON...
studying, but apparently, im PROCRASTINATING.

I AM DRESSED TO...
look good (:

who're the 6 people you've in mind now??

1. Mun Yee
2. Wei Sheng
3. Daryl
4. Heng Lun
5. Wendy
6. Poornima

1. Have you ever danced with number 1?
Ans: no? haha.

2. How long do u know number 6?
Ans: 3years(:

3. Have you ever gotten drunk with number 4?
Ans: DUH, no.

4. Has 2 been to your house?
Ans: he was here a min ago.

5. Has number 3 ever seen you naked?
Ans: EEW, PLEASE, NORT ME.

6. Have you ever gone shopping with 2?
Ans: hmm, to be precise, NO.

7. Have you ever seen 5 in a swimsuit?
Ans: oh, i'll definitely wish to (:

8. Have you ever met 1's family?
Ans: yeahh

9. does 4 know your surname?
Ans: HE BETTER KNOWS.

10. Have you ever eaten anything in front of 2?
Ans: too many times, right 2. weisheng? I EVEN FED YOU AND WE ALWAYS EAT TOGETHER, IN MY HOUSE, DURING RECESS OR KOPITIAM.

11. Do you trust number 1?
Ans: of course, or else why would i put her number 1? hehe

13. Have you ever fought with number 5?
Ans: Not to the extend of fighting though but you know girls... once in a while, arguements here and there, pretty alright.

14. When's the last time you talked to 3 in person?
Ans: Just.

15. Are any of your top 6 your family?
Ans: theoritically, 1. munyee is my sister and 2. wei sheng is my nephew. (:

17. Have you ever done something dangerous in school with number 1?
Ans: hmm, i guess she wouldnt allow me so.

18. Have you ever slept in the same bed with 3?
Ans: err, why is it always with 3. daryl?! lie on the same bed to play games ONLY. ha-ha

19. Do you think 5 and 6 would make a good couple?
Ans: they dont even know each other for God's sake and i believe neither is lesbian.

20. Would 3 do anything for you?
Ans: of course! muahahha, i know how to make him do so. ((:

21. Has 2 ever helped you out?
Ans: yeahh, definitely, like always i've bullied him, how dare he not! i know im mean but they're really nice you know.

22. Have you ever slept with number 1?
Ans: as far as i rmb, sadly NO.

23. Which have you known the longest?
Ans: 5. WENDYYYYYYYY

24. Who have you known the shortest?
Ans: 6. POORNIMA!!

25. Has anyone in your top 6 seen you cry?
Ans: i seldom cry so im nort so sure. who cares anyway, but i know 6. poornima did.

26. Have you had a crush on 1 - 6?
Ans: narr, why would i ever?

27. Have you ever done anything illegal with number 2?
Ans: is making him treat me to movies and stuff illegal? (:

28. Will 1 - 6 repost this?
Ans: maybe a few will.


HOPE YOU GUYS ARE READING THIS! (:

sunny, confused.


when i opened my eyes, there was a burning sensation. my fever must be running high again. as if i was intoxicated. there were just somethings i couldnt take it, but i knew i had to. i was the cause, the root of it anyway. at least im relieved i made a decision, and im sorry, perhaps, you wouldnt get to know the truth one day. i shall admit, im a big fat liar, all these shouldnt have happened. i bet no one would get what i mean, but its okay, nobody is supposed to understand it all along. i hope someone would punish me. forget it, like i say, i deserved all these. leave me alone.

i thought i needed someone right now. to really console me. its like, up and then down. what a roller coaster ride. im really going to burst out into tears. so going to burst out into tears. like as if a volcano errupting outta nowhere.


maybe i know whyy. maybe its true that you are avoiding me. so what? i cant do anything. you win, you are like the dart who pierce through me. you didnt know you hurt me but you did. yeahh, badly. nvm, i just needa get over it.


and then now... at this momment... maybe i realise what i really want... thanks for waking me up. im back here in reality. i have got one to say. it isnt always right to follow your heart, you know?

rainy, bored.

new skin! anw, i watched potc3 ytd. i admit it was more funny, but but, cmon, there isnt seem to be any plot. yawns, boring. wasted my time and 7 bucks and bugis where the seats are damnnnnnn shortt. hais. haha. i think i gotta get back to studying or else when my mom returns i needa go out to work again. rawrrrrrrrrrr

SURVIVED MY 3 DAYS 2 NIGHT CLUSTER SOUTH 1 CAMP AT SINGAPORE DISCOVERY CENTER WITH XIANGRUI, POORNIMA, RAYMOND, HIDAYAH, FARAH, HAFIZAH, RYZAL, HAIRIL, KAMINI, WASSEMA, LILIN, BETTINA, SHI MIN & KARTHIK!! now let's see...:

XIANGRUI: MY LAUGHTER
POORNIMA: MY CAMERA-TAKER
RAYMOND: MY GROOM!!
HIDAYAH: MY SECRET LOVE RIVAL
FARAH: MY LISTENER
HAFIZAH: MY NEW FRIEND ((:
RYZAL: MY BUS PARTNER!
HAIRIL: MY IDOL!!
KAMINI: EATING PARTNER
WASSEMA: MY SECRET LESBIAN CUM BANG BANG PARTNER
LILIN: SLEEPER
BETTINA: MY HIRED DETECTIVE xD
SHI MIN: MY WALL
KARTHIK: MY WHACKER

HAIS, firstly i need to thank God that i can come back in a whole piece and nort in the form of ice. and then i wanna thank my family, friends... and list goes on...

well, i guess from the above you can conclude that guoyi went crazy again after returning from the camp. its like, she needs to get sent back to IMH, anyone kind enough to help her please? haha, okay, im really sick and is supposed to be sleeping now okay. just had a whole hour of bathing and its shiok. i guess i made loads of new friends there and especially i love those st margaret's girls and the queenstowners. they are cute, sweet, pretty, handsome and most importantly, FRIENDLYY. its like, i barely slept 2 hours last night and we played the game of confessions. kinda fun but scary too.talked bout ghost stories and all that. i guess i liked the dancing of our school's honky tonk stomp the most. many ppl joined in and i invited the VIPs. mrs ang our vp was rather impressed and im sure she will follow up with this project closely. currently, im just very enthusiastic bout continuing to plan for our upcoming RACIAL HARMONY DAY'S PROGRAMME!! its getting so exciting but shhh, i cant tell anyone okay? hahaha *knocked out* okay wait. also wanna end off with telling you guys that i grew fatter again. cos basically we did nothing there but sit, eat and sleep. PLEASE DONT DOUBT ME, i have got evidence and witnesses. ((:

sunny. sleepy.

pon-ded school today, ate a lot of tidbits while watching death note at home. i think i will just rot away if i continue doing so. or maybe i will just end up turning into a pig and being sent to the zoo. yawns. anyway, decided to skip school today due to the four periods of maths. told ya suddenly i just lost interest in it. hate myself for that man. hmm, oh ya, will be going away next three days for camp so miss me ya? thanks loads, LOL. byeeee, im still as crazy as ever, TRALALA!!

i think i spent almost 6 hours watching bleach and perfect girl evolution today. well, i think it will exceed that if i continue watching, which i am currently doing. ahh, i thought its best to start watching since holiday's round the corner already. you know, plenty of lala time. not so in a mood to study anymore after my crappy sucky results. rawrr, alright, i think im having a bad flu since last night, nort so looking forward to school tomorrow!

Prince charming found his princess
Very happily
They were the perfect couple
As cute as can be

One day they were married
In a land far away
They thought that they'd be married
Until this very day

But life wasn't so perfect
Things started to get bad
Where had their happiness gone,
The happiness they once had?

"Who is this man I married?"
The princess wondered why
"Isn't he prince charming,
The supposedly perfect guy?"

Well prince charming was a jackass
Prince charming was a prick
Prince charming was a good-for-nothing
Dirty, heartless dick

His charm was fake and just an act
His looks were all he had
Who would have know the "perfect guy"
Would turn out to be so bad?

He beats his wife, he hates his kids
He's always in a fight
And no one would expect it
From this so called "Mr. Right"

Looks can be deceiving
Deceive is what they do
So beware of the prince charmings
They just might hurt you too

new skin, for those who know me, you know who i am and i guess i dont have to mention anymore. hmm, this time round, im nort so much into making it so yeahh, nort so well organised and my theme sucks. oh well, gotta change it soon, didnt really like it but its still kinda cute. ANW, COS I WAS BUSY WATCHING THE NEWS. I STILL CANT BELIEVE IN INTERVIEWED. im nort going school tmr okay. running away! (:






baby, its just too little too late.

omg. im on news, yet i didnt see it. i must have looked XXX ugly. RAWRR. )): but its quite cool, and i ate LOADS today.

rawrrrrr, my sis saw us at the bus stop and boarded the same bus with us. damnn, oh whatever man. anyway, i failed like so many papers today, and that's so freaking cool okay. maybe i should just jump down and die, YAY. you know what? i really wanna cut my hair cos its so frreaking messy and hot, hmm, i think ms suriani's hair is cooL! ((: anyway... i hope i dont receive any more lousy results. ):






i wanna be the reason for your smile.

yay, im so happy, im really pretty am i? haha, okay, at least im gaining the little bit of that confidence, hehe, no but wait, IM STILL FAT DAMMIT. sorrie bout being too over weigh conscious. so why am i talking bout this anyway? cos ppl are commenting that im cute! haha, hmm, well i guess what he says means loads to me, that's whyy. hmm, anyway, cute also means UGLY BUT ADORABLE so i guess im still nort that pretty. RAWRR, its okay, im nort that vain anyway, and i still havent got my hair cut! boo hoo.

anyone realised i sounded kinda cheery here? haha, i wonder whyy too. tralala, i know i should be terribly depressed over my XZXZXZ results and that should be worn off by now after a super tiring and long training! right, let's nort talk bout those crap rubbish result that i've never got satisfied with. i'm really so starting to hate maths okay. HA, what a joke to everyone right, but yeahh, seriously... and then chemistry isnt that good that... oh well.

im so freaking dirty now and i still have to bake some chocolates later! sleepyyyyyy......... yawns.




when im lost in the rain,
i wanna find my way back to you,
for you're the only one who'll shelter me even though it means that you'll get wet too.

yawns, i went to bake stuff again, hehe, for some special reason again but of course as a fillial daughter i did do something for my dearest mom. its so ironic, i always scream at her and "hate her to the core" but still, i cant bear to do even more nasty stuff to her on this day. well well, i seem to be in good mood. ((: hmm, alright, i think im off for a haircut, there's school tomorrow, there's training tomorrow but there's no papers anymore! but no... i dont wanna get back those lousy results man... sighh. siannnnn

its a good day, except that im having headache and feel like puking the whole time. well, should just blame it on the bus trip, taking bus to and fro, front and back all around singapore, driving me nuts! its especially sunny too. wasted much time loitering about and lied to my mom that i had softball. lol.and what happened in the end? I STILL DIDNT WATCH SPIDER MAN 3. damnnn








when i lay in your arms, it feels like heaven.
cos there's nothing else better than it.
hold on tight.
cos the longer you hold, the more i dont wanna let go.

rainy. drenched. sleepy.

almost got knocked down by a car just now. why? was blasting myself with "too little too late" while looking down, emo-ing. obviously, my mind was occupied and yeahh, i forgot i was crossing a road cos it was rather quiet. guess what went through my mind? haha, yupp, it was daryl lim. i smiled all the way man, knowing that this time round, im nort going back on my words and is very confident enough to say "GUOYI HAS TRULY LET GO IT." that's so cool okay, cos i was shopping around westmall just now and kinda saw some flashbacks. i also went into this shop where there's very pretty necklaces and stuff. somehow, something somewhere crossed my mind. uh huh, it was that necklace. how bout saying... its exactly the same? well, its the gift from him i like most cos its damn sweet. its the heart-shaped one, and the last time i saw it, it was last year when i threw it into the field at the 96 bus stop. now i realised i was being so harsh, but on the other hand, it isnt a bad thing throwing it away, afterall, there's nothing really left there to remind me of him anymore. (:

even though i managed to overcome it, life's still full of many other obstacles and blahh. its like, i dont think im really gonna dare to fall in love again. all the consequences freaks me out! hmm, currently, im probably still a little confused, kinda indecisive and have been moody. i guess i should get myself an answer soon to get myself outta this misery. i would be glad if someone can guide me even though this sorta thing is supposed to be decided by myself by as long as you are there to support me, im sure i can survive once again! <33




dont come to me when im the most vulnerable, cos i might just fall in love with you...

oh anw, for the HO family, let's hold the sentosa trip on thurs after the papers and of course after the farewell party of 3/2? for objections, please tag at my blog, thank thank. (:

man, life sucks. its like, i seem to be looking forward to end of mid year but may be not too. i dont know. well, im so not going to do well for everything. probably not even maths. let's just hope that i dont let those who care down.


poornima, at least you got attached?

down with flu, damn. eyes swollen with a red nose like a clown. this is no good. i still got say 4days to go? i was moody again today. its like, i stood there for kinda long, knowing that he will never appear but i still did bother looking forward to his existence. that's so silly of me, but life's full of irony. when you're not with the one you love, you start to miss them and when you're, you tend to take it for granted, so dont blame me.








what hurts the most was being so close, standing next to you but knowing that i'll never get you.
*OUCH*

blahh, i just wasted the whole afternoon baking. okay, im nort going to say anything more bout it cos its just baking. haha, (: hmm, anyway, i should be studying my physics, but nothing seems to be going in. damnn, help, what to do? fail la, heck, dont care. tralalala. sigh, depressed, walked around IMM today all alone for hours ending up buying nothing. im so so so so so indecisive. ): its okay, forget it, i think i need some sleep.

yawns, its like the 7th guy. may be i shouldn't be a kind soul. may be i shouldn't put on the smile anymore.

anyway, just to inform the HO family, we shall make a trip down to sentosa this coming holiday! (:

boo! okay, i admit i slept for 6 hours just now. and it was supposed to be a NAP. after nap. yupp, im no diff from a pig. eat and sleep and eat again. cos guess what? i've just baked some cookies and enjoying them now, YUM YUM. oh ya, i think i'll probably order some pizzas later too, hungry sia. haha.

anyway, had math paper 1 and ss paper this morning. sucked, so let's not talk bout it. also i was been very moody. sigh. wondering if i should tell her this problem... hmm.

yeahh, its dying out. no more hard feelings. im so loved by ppl like munyee and poornima i can still live my life happily. but baby, even though im beginning to let go of yesterdays, you know its too little too late, i just dont love you no more. (:

yawns, i better hurry up blog cos i havent had my shower yet!! omg, had a good nap just now anyway. haha, lately been trying to run away from blogging, for i wanna keep my life out of people. may be its right that i should just only discuss bout the slightest event happening now and then.

well, let's see, mid-year's here and everyone's so busy studying except me, sleeping away. haha, okay, perhaps i did try and put in an effort, just that its still not enough. as you know, nothing was ever perfect for me. haha. even if i were to try my best, i would still think im useless cos i never achieve anything. lala.

my sorethroat's getting from bad to worse, i better shut up from now on, ahhhhhhh, help, i cant even voice out now. ): I WANNA SCREAM MY LUNGS OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT







if you catch me emo, you know guoyi's still now back yet.

okay, whateva man. i dont care bout whether is it who's the one showing attitude and i too dont give a damn whether you're going to change it or not but also on the other hand i've got enough of all the fights, quarrels and arguements in between and all along. sick man, cant we just stop being so childish and be like kindergarden kids going on and off like, "can i dont friend you?" kinda thing? omg. get a life man.

i remembered i peeped at your back when you left. my heart shouted ouch and it did ache a little. okay, hmm, may be it did hurt a lot. for i know, you're tired of waiting. right, perhaps im right, we were never meant to be.

dammit, poornima, since you are nort getting attached first, I WILL. (:

im getting so lazy to post again. lol, a full time procrastinator, part time perfectionist. hehe. anyway, my headache is still up there driving me nuts and now i dont know wazzup with my leg its making me crazy too. i should just get admitted into IMH. lala, i kinda made my mind and yupp, it does make some sense okay. anyway, im getting so freaking fat im have been trying to do something bout it by going to the gym everyday. oh well, i didnt do much, basically just running and guess what? i guess my old injury is back man. DAMNN.

damnn! i cant seem to focus again, what's up with me lately man? oh no, i bet my brain is shrinking! haha. well, i found myself wandering off to the computer here blogging bout my feelings again while my english revision work is still on my study table... ahh, nvm, let it be, im taking a break from all that rubbish man. okay look, i dare to admit im one of those few that started mid year revision already okay?! im sucha good girl cos i used to not even do revision and yet now im still not achieving anything to prove to my mom! RAWRR. whateva, anyway, i was just being emo while listening to this song. munyee, you know what i mean. haha. things are liddat, life still goes on. its such a pity i guess. sigh. but well, afterall its over, and im glad im no longer under all those stress and torture i have been suffering through. i have regained all the freedom!! tralala, jump for joy and laugh till you tear. as you can see, im mad, i really would like to question myself why im liddat too.



























maybe im just hiding them all deep inside there in a dark corner where no one can see and then locking them up tightly so that they are not allowed to escape or to even gasp for air. im so mean, am i?

heyy, i got a new blog skin, its cute isnt it? the girl's so chio i think i wanna be like her! lol, anyway... actually im in love with MUNYEE!! (:

the person who can top my test by the end of next week shall earn a drink/treat from me! (:

today was a good day except occasional day dream when munyee and qihui is talking to me. apologise for that!! well, im back, cheerful guoyi is back now, with her brain rather clear now, knowing what she wanna do now in life and she's gonna concentrate on studies!! (at least for mid-year now.) hehe. hmm, i guess it took me kinda two weeks to start all over again and its way faster than two years. well, its really cool cos what's the best part? i got rid of the two devil inside me together! omg, that's like. WOW. thank God for helping me all along. (:








MUNYEE,
HOPE YOU ARE FEELING BETTER.
<3 GUOYI.

Create your own Friend Test here

wondering why no one's online at this hour. hmm, maybe everyone's busy studying for their mid-year. sad, while ppl bury themselves in books, im here, rotting away like nobody's business. well, im just nort in a mood to study today, apologise for that. probably becos im taking those medicine again. RAWRR. anw, today school was usual, had a bad headache and then after school went with dave, weisheng, daryl and henglun to the macs. all my best guys buddies. had fun cos i kept questioning daryl and henglun bout "COUGHS" and im like the flying dutchlady, giving them the "who wants to win a MILLIONAIRE" question. DOTS.

crap. those drugs are making me go HIGH man. i mean, HYPER SLEEPY. may be i should stop taking them. hmm, what do you think? but they are meant to be anti-biotic. ahh, whateva, i dont give a damn. mid-year's here in a week's time and im not going to skip school anymore!

that chem test sucked. i didnt finish and then i was doing good not till i reached the "test for gases" part. omg, im like so going to hate myself for it. i admit that i didnt try my best in it okay. i didnt study!! may be i did. but still, i didnt manage to answer all the questions and is very disappointed bout that. im just too perfectionist. DAMMIT.

sometimes everything just seems like a cycle, going round and round and when i realised it, i was back at the starting point, unready for another round but still forced to do so. now i know, i know what is it all about. im nort going for another try. have had enough of all these scary things.

yeah, just got back home. i hated when my mom nags, but now, she no longer got the energy to do so. she seems so tired and as if she's giving up on me. may be she should. well, may be its a good thing i stop haering all the nonsense from her too. both of us need some time to break off. haha. its like, my whole family's under one roof budden you dont really call it a family do you? definition of family: set of relations. hmm, i guess we are related but... err, in such a way that we dont communicate? no love among it?

suddenly i just feel like blogging. i cant concentrate. not at all. its all about graphs these days. and then seconds ago i was enjoying my work, but before i realised, i put down the pencil and walked to the computer. ya, you know, i stared into emptiness and someone's gotta read my mind to tell me what im thinking. you guys dont know how irritating it is, to not being able to focus on my favourite subject. nvm, i will try again when i get back later.

just wanted to let you know that, the feeling, yes its there, but you know i chose to leave you cos i think its time you learn some self-control.





you dont have to be attached to be happy right? hmm, munyee is one good example! (:

guys, this is a must do test from me to you!! please please, pretty please just go try it will you? (: i know you will.

just woke up from my long nap, still feeling drowsy. i spent those 3hours in bed going to dreamland and i felt like as if i wasted so much time. so irritating. and now im having a headache, feel like puking. well, i deserve it. i own ms ang so much homework is still procrastinating. i ought to be punished! wazzup with graph and guoyi? i dont know. sighh. the sight of seeing those green papers make me go nuts. i wished i had a computer to print everything out nicely. actually i think i know why. its most probably becos of my character, so perfectionist, that everytime i see my graph untidy, i will tear it and re-do. RAWRR

those flashbacks raced with the train i boarded just now. it was about 3 minutes long but still, its as much as 3 years of memories. it was everything, really everything, all that i could remember, they just surfaced up. well, i was a little moody today but at least i didnt vent it on anyone since i stayed alone in the library from 11 till 8 that's like 9 hours? ha, that's really my second home. free aircon and table.

i no longer wanna cry over it. its a waste of time, my tears and energy. look how silly i am. let this be another lesson. tralala, im gonna be back to the cheerful guoyi! nothing's gonna bring you down man. (:

i told myself, no one is worth my tears, and those who are worth wont make me cry.


its so true, but i still cant help weeping over this stubborn idiot. so what if whoever out there is reading this, for all i know, this is MY blog, and so i have got every rights to express myself, post and blog down whateva's going on in my life and even at this current moment.

i was reading through my past posts. two months back, everything was good. yesterday's the history. i rmb saying i wont let myself get hurt, but still i did. and this time round, it isnt any better than the previous one. just that i wanted to end this earlier for i know if i drag it on, it would have been the same ending, only that history might just repeat itself.


i need someone to help me up, its really a bad fall.

rainy.
feeling upset.

well, he might be giving up, oh, then let him be. i dont know what im gonna do it with it too. my mom's mad at me now and im so disappointed at my own results. i hate life man. going out to meet poornima now for a movie. i hope they dont recognise my swollen eyes. ):


it wasnt happily ever after anymore.

home sweet home. well, only my bed is sweet, the house is as cold as it is, with all the living zombie walking around in my house, no warmth at all. maybe i shouldnt have come home but at least im a good girl and is listening to ms suriani's words. everyone cares, but its my decision. im getting soft again, he seems like he's worth giving another chance, so is he? hmm, i will think bout it and waste my brain cells again. ):


once bitten, twice shy. im so afraid history might repeat itself, that's why i decided nort to go on.

im really tired, more of emotionally. have had enough of everything. maybe i shouldnt apologise anymore, maybe you are just nort worth my tears. maybe im wrong, maybe im nort right, maybe i would regret, and list goes on...

i havent really been so distracted in my life before. i guess today just isnt the day for everyone. im DEFINITELY GOING TO FAIL MY CHINESE TEST, and i promised i didnt do well for oral too. but still why? i thought everything would be just fine... no, its just disastrous. forget it, im really nort going to get involved in all these anymore. yawns.

sorrie. and you know i mean it.

now what? im not even given the freedom of speech, to voice out my feelings, for im afraid of all the passer bys reading what my life's all about and since this blog is all about open to the public, you no longer call it a diary.

okay fine, anyway, i just felt like apologising. sorrie, to you-know-who. should have told you everything first but well, its all bcos im scared you would get hurt. hope you understand...

today school sucked. i was emo partially bcos yanlin and poornima brought up the topic early in the morning and then after that he was so pissed with me in the afternoon. no one seems to understand how hurt im feeling really deep inside. its so tiring. guess waht, for the second time in my 15years, im feeling like as if life has lost its meaning... im unsure what i meant by that too but oh well, who cares? ignore the girl who's always trying to put on that smile even though you can see the tear behind her.

tralala, i have been typing the same old thing for upteen times and apparently the internet has gone insane just like meee!! (: well, im feeling a little better than ytd after drowning myself in all da maths papers and numbing my pain with the numbers. at last now i can proceed with my bio report and then finally finish up studying my chinese test! yawns. havent had a wink since ytd so far i rmb for i just cant seem to concentrate in doing my fav subject when i keep wondering off to the past and take walks down the memory lane to where i used to be once innocent. crapp, i hate it when i have got nothing better to do and starting looking for something edible but the face that i havent touched food for QUITE SOME TIME is making my stomach grumbling real badly. sorrie. lol, that was to apologise to my stomach for torturing it.

19days.
i wanna let you know,
whoever told you I was letting go,
they were lying.
just look around,
all the people that we used to know have given up.
they wanna let it go,
but no no, i'm still trying hard.
so you should know this love we share,
was never made to die.
Some people say that everything has got it's place and time,
even the day must give way to the night

im a depressed kid again. why do ppl these days get emo so easily?

well, perharps i made up some stories, but i guess most of the parts are true, and i just acted out like as if im a happy girl who doesnt give a damn bout him anymore after having a new bf. lol, what a joke. whyy? whyy do i just have to lie and put up a fake front and hide my tears behind all these? its like as if i can take it but no? i've got my limits. and what's more, you always leave me hanging there after you start a conversation and then nort replying me. you know it will just get me stuck there thinking of all things... i hate it but you still do it all the time. and you know what? i just cant get the courage outta me to block you or even delete your contact you still do mean alot to me. i just wish for a 24-hours with you and probably that will be more than enough.

please God please, will you grant me?

20days.

henglun, my son, my nephew, linus, my sis and the so called bday boy is here at my house just now. "STUDIED" and ate cake. yeahh. i was a little i didnt know whyy probably missing him but after hearing all the cold jokes by them and seeing their "SMACK THAT" show truly made me laugh inside out. right. thanks guys, hope your enjoyed yourself!! (:

let's start counting down once again:
21days.

im high now. on the phone with my bf. haha, had a good time, kept laughing and joking over stupid small things. it all started ytd. and its like, if only he's always like that, someone whom i can play with and nort that serious guy that irritates and pisses me off. tralala, i havent been blogging yeah? many probs surfacing again but well, i will continue to look on the bright side. its just that i have become a little more stressed up these days. stacking up all my homework thanks to OBS, kinda regretted now. lol. and then im still going for campteen this week end, GOSH. help. what a burden.

yeah, these are my pretty photos with my group members yizhen, henglun, nicole, bettina, bryan, justin and jed. they are really fun! and that even though bettina didnt come back in a piece. lol. AND I AM FINALLY 15 i realised. went to make my IC just now (:

my blog finally revived. luckily i had patience. right, so, for one whole week, i havent blogged, for im away at palau ubin, being tortured like madd. its like, going for army? but it really kinda changed me somehow or rather. well, good thing yeah? thank God im back alive in a piece. right, shant talk much bout it except for a few main highlights whereby i heard some eerie karaoke songs of different languages in the middle of the night. i also heard many freaky stories which i still dont believe in too. and yeahh, did high elements and oh ya, the best of the best was to do triyaking for my first time with justin and poornima on a thunderstorm afternoon after carrying the super duper backpack. i promise im never gonna complain my school bag is heavy. yeah, that's all bout it. it quite a cool 15th birthday for i got to meet new friends though i didnt really like most of them from hillary. and now guess what? im having a slight fever after all that scratching in every part of my body. its not mosquitoes bites, most probably sand flies though. I DONT WANNA LEAVE SCARS!! omg, and let's pray hard its nort dengue. for i gotta drag myself to school on monday no matter what cos i got an interview! (: take note of the straits time next week then. hehe. oh ya, last night went to watch phantom of the opera too. and i fell asleep cos i was too tired. crap. but at least im still pretty. HAHA. (: now im back to rushing my work. CAN DO SOME SLEEPING. look, i only had three hours of sleep each night then






P.S. IM ALREADY MISSING THOSE COLD JOKES BY LUM. shouldnt have complained bout it when he's arnd. ):

just got a new phone: nokia5300! (: and got a new number too. hmm. actually i feeling rather mad, after got nagged at my mom. lala. its okay, cant wait till tmr, or maybe i would say next week. its vid and my bday, and trip to obs! ciao guys, loves.

just came home from a jog at the nature park. cool, had lotsa fresh up and saw many monkeys, woodpeckers and squirrel! (: omg, wazzup with me man, describing all these like as if im writting a compo. lol.

then also went to shop for all my track pants, undergarments and long sleeved shirt! omg, wasted like MUCH money. crap, i mean, its OBS fault who made us buy them and the nort using them after taht. lol. well, im still looking forward to it since its gonna be my 15th birthday and also for once im nort staying at home on this 27o3. hmm, i bet nobody's gonna gimme any present then but its fine, i think i will get to make many many friends! (:

thanks guys. for whoever and those who helped. i think ahmad, estella, habib and the Y.P. did a lor, did they? haha. oh ya, thank you guys who made an effort to wish me happy birthday too. love yaa

to COLOURS.
sorrie, so sorrie. it was all a lie. i wasnt the author of the story. okay, maybe i was. but but, it was edited. i think you got it wrong, you misunderstood. its nort what you think, i owe you an explanation. you needa understand that only some parts of the story is true. okay, maybe its for you to guess where is it that is right or wroong, just want you to know you are still that prince that i have no fate with.

got tuition later. zz. needa bath. and i still think its my fault and he lost his wallet. 0:
feeling really tired after crying so much bout what so much that had happened, needa get a good rest before starting to pack my stuff too. hope everything's over.

girl, girl, if you are reading this... if only you are.
i dont wanna argue with you, but cmon, i have all along been visiting your blog, yes i dare to say i did. but did you? have you any idea what's happening in my life this while all along? i admit i have neglected you, neglected this friendship i have been holding on for almost 4 years. no, i am still holding on tightly to it, i am definitely going to. you claimed that im always nort free. okay, maybe im nort, i did try to make time for you yeah? many times you called me, i know that but i didnt answer cos most of the times im too busy. still, i did return most of your calls and you turn out to be nort answering too. what do you want me to do then? i hope and wish you would appear online so we can catch up a little and update each other, but narr, like what yvonne have said, the timing is like shit. you gotta know that i care, im aware you are sick, and all that. so i shall apologise now, for abandoning you for the past month. so sorrie. TGFWY.

CAN SOMEONE JUST TELL ME WHATS WRONG WITH BLOGGER!?!? forget it. im nort in the mood. well, at least i was managed to be cheered up by watching mr. bean's holiday at gv vivo today with daryl, simin, dean, weisheng, haziq, weipeng, dave and zhiyangg. munyee left at the last minute, how disappointing i felt. but its okay, i knwo you've got your own reasons, munyee!

and anw, things have becoming badd. as complicatedd as solving the alpha beta Amath question. ): even ppl can see tear rolling bout in my eyes and see me putting on a fake smile. right, maybe im still controlling them. i dont wanna burst out into tears like how i used to do anymore. im a big now, you know?




i thought everything only started with a simple small problem.

right, you made me cry again. you are so capable of doing it. thanks man. okay, maybe it was me, all my fault. i started them. then blame it on me.


i thought i was a good day today. but no it didnt turn out good. after having vid said a sentence that hurt him real badly and got him thinking whether i mean it or nort... crap. what's going on?

well, sorta teared a little. cos finally talked things out with him. he called me, and i was kinda worked up and pissed. but hello, i think im the one being unreasonable so its all my fault and nort to blame him. should even praise and thank him for enduring my wildness and attitude. HA.


fainted outside canteen this morning. for the first time. for once. my legs just felt wobbly like what munyee said, JELLY-LIKED.. and then the next thing i knew, i felt on munyee and black out. but i think it was for a while, i came back and then i realised many ppl were in front of him. but seems like i was so blur i only managed to recognise estella, whom im grabbing my hands tightly, munyee, who's standing right in front mumbling and i turned my head and saw timothy standing there. he looked really worried. were you, tim? haha, guess so, who wouldnt? felt like suddenly many ppl cared. they simply asked if i were alright and all that. thanks ppl. i really needed help then.


i learnt something during CME today again!! even though i didnt those lessons, even though i dont really enjoy seeing mrs lena ang's face, even though i was almost dead when i returned class straight after p.e. i still listened and found it true. nothing really last. especially things like friendship. furthermore to say relationships. all so fragile. nothing really is everlasting, is there? that's whyy i hate to hear or say FOREVER. cos its like, if i say y.p.g. or m.s.g. forever, will they be? no, maybe they wont. okay, obviously they wont? ten years down the road, you think we will still be keeping in contact, calling each other everynight. cmon, i know once we stop seeing each other, we will simply live to use to it. we dont really rely on each other. face the fact. i have had enough experience for it. i cant stand losing ppl arnd me, things arnd me. wayy tooo important for me. im nort sure why i treat everything so serious too. its like, im always so humourous on the outside though, never stop smiling. and when i stopped, luke asked me, hey, im hope i dont get used to you nort smiling, yeah?


oh freak. i ran 16min today. im a slow poke. a pig. i crawl, i dont run. i didnt fail, NO i didnt, but i was how bout 5min slower than expected? ended having a C. hello, last year was an A.
2.4km, 2.4km, im gonna beat you.




I NEED TO DO SOME SOUL-SEARCHING.

yeahh, im feeling - again. like so gdsf645ehgdf654ryehgdasf. you guys understand? i know your dont. cos only i do. but its okay. im getting used to it. i will be fine after a while. just leave me alone. maybe im just tired i guess.

suddenly, i realised i cant handle these sorta stuff. but whyy did i think i could in the first place? i was just being selfish. now am i supposed to regret? whats the point? i see no use.


Lord, enlighten me.i seek for an answer that's the best for both of us.



if only, time is willing to stop for me to let me think what i should do next.

yeahh, yanlin, where're you? have you died again? im worried sick.

my hamster went missing, and im terribly upset bout it. ):

boo! i had a good day today i guess. its just another of my super early birthday celebration. well, this time round, a sure surprise, with another clique of mine though, so is it a good thing to have so many friends? haha. anw, THANK YOU ahmad, yanlin, vidya, poornima, KAVITHA and my dear. even though you guys LIED TO ME, i shall forgive you. HAHA. really, i have grown so old, its only my second time celebrating my birthday and okay, its furthermore both on my 15th birthday. well, at least i forgot bout my leg injury today and we guys simply just sat down to eat cake, chat and watched the nice movie: drumline! anw, okay, i changed my mind.

yes, i see it coming. nort again, no, i wont let history repeat itself, i promise i wont, at least nort like that. cmon, i think there must be something wrong with me, inside out, and upside down. im simply looking for trouble. everything was fun so why bother create more events in your life, guoyi? pls pls, this time round, it now or never.

THANK YOU GUYS. THANK GOD FOR YOU PPL. I LOVE YOURR!! weisheng, munyee, simin, bryan, annabel, unice, dave, weipeng, dean, shimin, henglun and linus. i apologise for nort smsing your, cos my bill exceeded and yaa, let me just express here. you know, its my first time for 15 years that i had such celebration. your gave me my first time! haha. even though there were accidents here and that, i enjoyed pretty much. im so touched for the cake and prezzies. well, no matter what, its the thoughts that count. no worries bout whether i will like it or nort. you ppl know me so well, i really appreciate it. ya and anyway, i think i should apologise for being emo on the beach just now. but im fine now! esp my toe. hehe.

ohh, raining puppies and kittens outside now. haha, what a funny way to phrase that. yupp, its cold and its just so comfortable lying in bed now. especially after a day of my secret and special "soccer training". haha. i am soooo tired. i got to meet this few guys that are really fun, cute, friendly, patient, loving and nice-talking! haha. they got funny names too. i mean one is called stanley that is perfectly fine. but the other one is called ibrahim a.k.a. BA-BA. i like it though. (: oh ya, and my soccer coach is called HARRY. haha. most ppl should know its my dog's name. yeahh. well, those ppl are really cool. thats what i think la. at least they bother teaching me the right ways to kick the ball and i think im improving!! hehe. so yeahh, poornima and i will be meeting them tmr morning again. its such fate that we can be friends be accident just playing soccer. worth it to know ppl like them. lala. so this thing is enough for me, to nort talk bout the upsetting things that happen to me today? im looking forward to tmr! ((: <33

for a while, i prayed that god could forgive me. im nort sure bout that. cos i have been lying recently. real badly. its like, i know im going against my parents will, yet i continue on still, but i do feel guilty bout it okay. now i dont know what to do. its like, they arent white lies in the first place. maybe i should just be a mommy's girl and stay and home and study real hard. that is, maybe. so sorrie, i cant do it. i became sooo rebellious. guoyi, get a grip, get a life.

long long dayy. so freaking tired and sleepy. thanks to yvonne last night! stayed over at my place and i sorta didnt sleep well or early and woke up at like 6am with only that 6hours of sleep. man. its okay, i will be having a good time in bed then. i gotta rmb that there's still listening paper tmr morning! irritating.

well, so this morning the match against pcss sucked. its like, 23 - 0? wow, amazed. lol. im more amazed when sebastian came down, dressing like a cleaning and acted BENG. HAHA. funny la him.

then after we came school, accompanied y.p.g. down to chevrons to bowl with kavi, azy, mudd, and andrewYO. (: and then had fun laughing when there's two mad but cute seniors there entertaining us. well, but anyway, i didnt want to bowl in the first place when i dont know how, but end up bowling quite well with a few strikes. muahaha. XX.

and after that, rushed down to jp to meet muihiang, manprit and siti. we went around walking but actually our main aim is to buy some small little gifts la. since tmr is a rather interesting dayy... hmm, haha, i ate so much today! crap. should but down a little. and the worse thing is i had sun burnt. omg.


was rather upset today too. ms tan said, "guoyi, im letting you play src in june, but look at yourself, you are rusting." maybe she didnt shout or whatsoever. maybe it was just a comment. but it means alot. RUST. RUST. can you imagine? im sinking down. the passion isnt there anymore.

not another vivid dream of him, this time, as usual, strange. ahh, cmon, i got used to it. haha. well, today's a badd dayy. but anyway, thanks mye chit and thanks poornima. haha. you guys made my day better. i felt sooooo evil today bullying mye chit. haha. out of 100 questions that he asked me, i think i simple shook my head 99 times out of them. and i think the last one is most probably a yes to going home. you know, i have never been soooo attitude or moody. but still, mye chit was being soooo patient okay. unlike someone else... dont even give a damn bout it!! hmm, poornima came and "counselled" me too. HAHA. funny, i thought i used to be the one "counselling" her anyway. well, time has changed.

for a while, i thought, maybe i should just leave sg, and my life might be better. not as stressful then. well but anyway, im looking forward to obs now. for only one reason? to see him.

omg, i didnt know i was so pretty until just now. HAH. okay, im mad. cos we went to take neo at tiong. then i realised i looked good. maybe im in a good mood then. but no, im nort really supposed to be feeling happy. sigh. nvm. as usual, im so mixed up. haha. oh well, still, i admit i enjoyed myself. LALA. for the second time we went out together. budden we didnt spend much time together talking. sighh. just laughing at stupid things. haha. okay. next week's gonna be busy even though it may be the holidays. no difference. i think i would be even more busy then. let's take a look at the schedule and wait for my mom to nag at me. oops, i forgot bout dinner again.

saturday - SRC @ kallang.

sunday - SRC @ kallang, tuition & subhas' bday.

monday - mock exam, nicole's bday, softball game at pcss & outing with muihiang and manprit.

tuesday - mock exam, lilin's bday & one month anniversary.

wednesday - out to shop for some rubbish on OBS or go for training on my 2.4km run!!

thursday - outing with the HO family. (:

friday - movie marathon with NTE in my house overnight? (might be taking mock exam if i missed the one on monday too.)

saturday - doctor's appointment & qihui's birthday.

sunday - tuition & last minute-rushing-homework-time!!

emo songs made me feel better i guess. maybe they arent that emo, its just that those lyrics sound rather meaningful and mean much to me... well, for a while, i thought im going to give up or something similar. like stop studying and all that. you know, its just so demoralising when everyone looks at your results and ask, "what? you failed your english? how can that be? please la, stop playing already la, study hard or you want die arh?" others even worse, scolding me stupid. sighh. who understands? now i know i probably wont get into NJ. cmon la, in singapore, as long as you fail your ENGLISH, that's it, your life's over. so what if this is term one? it still counts 15% hello? i know this is nort o levels yet. but im still angry. yes i am. im USELESS. what, so waht if i can do well maths? big deal? i rather sacrifice both A1s for my english then. HA. impossible. and ppl listen up, im sadd nort bcos my parents will nag, ground, disown, slap, scold or whack me. do i look like i give a damn, furthermore, they will only sign the paper and stare at me. thats all. its just that i set very high expectations for myself, and when i dont achieve it, its as great as asking me to slash myself. okay, that was a stupid example, but i wont do it. you know its damn disappointing when the teachers need to constantly remind you, and that i probably left a bad impression on mrs cheong? crapp. whats the use of giving me tuition and all that then la. NOT MY FAULT! forget it. im die die going to make myself get an A the next time round. AHMAD, YOU GOTTA TREAT ME TO ICE CREAM IF I CAN REALLY MAKE IT, AND THIS TIME ROUND, YOU BETTER IT AND DONT BREAK YOUR PROMISE OR I WILL BREAK YOUR NECK. (:

anw, today school was rather short since i left class early to go for the anglican high school's softball match. we won!! and their school is freaking big with indoor stadium and heritage centre. haha. well, afterall it is a boarding school and their school canteen sell such expensive food!! haha. i was whole time screaming and im feeling sick now. oh ya, and then they have got many cute guys i wanted to ask number for. maybe i should right? oops. haha. time for dinner now but im nort eating and i wonder whyy. blah blah, i need ice cream to fill me up and cool myself down. (:

im enjoying my 6th ice cream of the day. HA. yum yum. its coming backk, yupp. (: i just realised guoyi is someone who really likes to think back, likes old things, no matter whatever it can be. you know, maybe im stupid. i vent my anger on food. i could have donated all the food i puked to the children's home. i mean, before i eat them i should have donated. cos i simply ate 3bowls of noodles just now when i wasnt feeling just as good and then throw up after that. wonderful and well done? well, i will try nort to do it again though. life's still liddat, as sucky as ever. and it has gotta go on, and i needa learn to live with it. should i even bother changing my life, to a better one? but how do i know what's best for myself when i cant even make small little decisions. i think its time for me to reflect a little on what i have been doing, and that includes towards someone.

yanwah:
im so surprised you actually cared. but you know, i cared for you too. cos i was so worried when i heard from yvonne that you broke your back. i missed you hell lot. haha. oh well, time really flies, 3 years back, we were still enjoying ourselves in nhps there in 6d with ms tan and mdm wong. how bout even 5 yrs back rmb? when we were rather good friends and yupp, still, i couldnt forget certain things. i think you should know what la. haha. (: anw, im still looking forward to seeing you again. haha. love you loads. study hard!!

today studied alone at je library thanks to yanlin giving me empty words. haha. but its okay, i was really hardowrking and studied for hella 5hrs. and then i saw ppl there. i mean, ppl i know la. haha. and then wasted my time on maths and eng and didnt eat anything at all. just had steamboat with my family and it was a good time even though im used to not eating with my dad already... still, yupp, today was fine, everything done, no procrastinating and i feel rather freshened up cos im nort sick already!! budden one thing... his still up there in my head. i still cant control. damn. well, i needa some sleep. BEFORE I GO GET SOME ICE LOLLY TO SUCK AGAIN. I GOT HOOKED ONTO THEM NOW. OH NO. MY NEXT ADDICTION: ICE LOLLY.

i fell in love with this song. someone tell me its nice. (: i think im being a little emo again.

he simply spoiled my day. i was feeling good though sick at first. but somehow out of nowhere, he dropped me a HI on msn. and that's how it all started. it may only be a simple HI, but it really got me wondering what he wanted to say. but he didnt reply after that. and yupp, at that time, my msn nickname was: & i guess i havent really moved on. maybe he wants me to get a grip of myself.

im half awake now. exhausted after a long day. okay, maybe its counted short. afterall there's no lessons budden also i have been walking like madd. you know, walking around vivocity can be something tiring. haha. but still, i didnt run the x country. and i sucked. im simply a coward. who's scares of not being able to achieve when i havent even tried. and i hate myself losing so much confidence when its possible to do it. oh i just hate it. what to do? well, anw, back to something more happy. we guys went to catch a movie! yay, we back together going out. ahah. of course, i enjoyed myself even though i feel rather bad lying to my mom again. haha. weird, guoyi's feeling guilty. oh and i think im going to have a nightmare later. cos we went to watch the epic movie. cmon. its freaking disgusting, gross, funny, lame, weird and simply atrocious. haha. maybe my words are contradicting, but well, thats what the movie's all bout. wasting eight bucks just to go in there and basically sleep and laugh. lol. it has got no plot at all. gosh. i wonder whyy im there too. nvm, let's nort talk bout it. haha. in the end, i somehow enjoyed the movie. so i guess the day isnt that bad. oh ya, i think i needa really go through this though few months and stay alive by the end of it. its gonna be real badd. guoyi, go, you can do it!!

let's hope things turn better tmr. i mean both my mood and my throat. it seems to be burning inside now!! so horrid. i gotta survive okay. no matter what, i will drag myself there. haha. i think it started with swallowing the whole of 5 HOT nuggets just now during recess. oh crap. luckily oral's over. but stillm I CANT SING!! haha. )): nvm, i just hope i still can run tmr. but... can i really do it?!

not again. the season's coming back. damn. i know im nort gonna heal till late april. hope you guys can bear with my freaking irritating attitude problem for a while, will ya? im under too much stress. and that includes the most important one, my term one results. whateva it is man, thats not the main thing. its that, I WANT TO GET SOME THINGS OFF MY DAMN HEAD.

maybe im thinking of the wrong person now. maybe its not right. maybe i shouldnt miss that fella at all. cmon, its more than a year back since i last been to the playground, where it used to be my favourite hang out. its been more than 2 years since i last been to the shopping centre where my first date is at. HA. well, i had just been to both these places recently to get some of those feelings back and see how they are now. surprisingly, they remained as vivid as ever even though everything there might have changed totally. but i knwo what im doing now. hmm, its hard, so hard to describe how it feels like. and even if i honeslty said it out, who would believe? ppl will think that im stupid and mad. i dont ask for anyone's understanding, i just want one person to trust me.

and i think i shouldnt take cab ever again. the driver cheated me 3bucks! ): so evil. im angry.

a message to the previous owner of the green little turtle:

thanks, thanks for being so understanding. you mean a lot to me. you mean more than just a friend, you are a special friend. you are always there when i needed you, and we have been through quite alot for the past year. i enjoy studying with you, chatting outside class and through msn. i know i have hurt you but i know i will have to do it cos its only fair this way. so sorrie, my decision was made but the person chosen isnt you. at least i know its not gonna affect this friendship and lets work towards NJ, shall we? dont think so much, i will return you what i owe you some day! (: smile more like what you always do to cheer me up. hah.

anyway, i named the green little turtle you gave me. its called COLOURS. once again, sorrie, and thanks alot. friends forever, take care and iloveyou.

sometimes, i do wonder if i made the correct choice. i keep questioning myself...



hey girl, you sure you are not gonna regret? you sure you are gonna be happy and satisfied like that? are you seriously gonna give up your dreams becos of someone you think is important to you but is that person really that important? girl, are you still in playing mood or have you think it through? please, please not let history repeat itself. no one's gonna help you decide and you cant blame anyone if anything goes wrong.

back. rather moody. why?

right, let me just update on this three busy days with a short post before im leaving and let this blog die for 5days.

valentine's day had been a good day for me this year. and i shall rememberr 13o2o7. ((: its cool. really. i received sooooo many prezzies, especially a few that i like a lot like... THE MINI CUTE GREEN TURTLE!! my fav. hehe. and of course, i love the rose by dean too. its gonna wilt anw. )): and ya, thanks guys for all those food. its the thought that counts. apologise for not buying anything!!

AEM's coming to an end. end of stress but end of fun too. end of experimenting food!! haha. well, everything's gotta come to an end. hmm, face the fact.

anw, also MADE UP WITH SOMEONE*. haha. that idiot... EVERYTHING'S HIS FAULT!! haha, he's definitely someone who can make me laugh in tears of anger. LOL. what a mixed feeling. hmm, anw, im in the wrong too la. let's be back to the special friends we were used to, shall we?

school's been stressed too. blah blah. lousy maths test results. been studying like madddddddddd ESPECIALLY FOR MY MOTHER TONGUE!! omg, my mock exam is nearing. noooooooooo

one last thing, im convinced, not to leave anymore. ((:



MISSME!! will be back soon. be patient! happy chinese year!

should i, or should i not?

suddenly i was just bored, and that i feel so confused up, i decided to blog. but when i come to this page, my mind seems to go totally blank, like as if i cant express out everything, and i start wondering whyy i even feel this wayy. so what's been into me, making me feel irritated and stuff like that? im sure there's many reasons behind this but there can only be a main one. i havent slept well last night, just by thinking through what we used to do can already take up four hours of my sleep, i wonder what will happen if i start rmb all those small little incidents that happened the past one year, 365 days. its sounded real long, but seems short to me. that's it, its over. well, i guess i dont want to have anything to do with it anymore, and shall start anew nerdy guoyi life peacefully.

you just dont know how pathetic it is to hold on to something that is not coming back. then maybe i should just let go.

and i know i have to say this, cos i really cant keep it inside and cry it out all alone and let you know nothing bout it. i really hesitated before i dump and abandon that present. you just dont know how long it took me to just wrap it up, save money and buy it and actually bother to go out late at night just choosing it. yet, its not appreciated. who knows how it feels like? the kinda feeling, where you stabb straight into my heart and pretended you did nothing, acting like as if you dont give a damn and you just dont have time. but after sooo much that i have said, do you actually understand? i thought you would take some initiative to get back, but no? fine, like what my yoges-gor said. you gotta move on in life if you really had made up you mind, no use wasting time there. you never know cos whens theres a lost, theres a gain.

my dad's nagging behind me, for im not having dinner again. that's for a week already. im really nort anorexic, its just that the nuggets, chocolate ice cream cake, mentos and sweet drinks are filling my stomach up. you know, my gastric isnt good, so it tends to get upset when i stuff it with junk. ahh, let it be then, you can take it guoyi, so no worries. (: at least there's no abalone for dinner tonight, HA-HA. oh ya, i thought i would be able to see him tmr if i go to IJC, but looks like i cant be bothered to go. whyy do i care? BUT I STILL CARE.

ended school early today so went home to take my flour and chocolate hersey's syrup and rush back sg poly to continue my ice cream making. its sucked. it really did. cos i hate it to see it when it fails, and when it doesnt turn out to what i expect, i throw them away. so can you imagine how many times i tried making? im just wasting food la cmon, guoyi, you are a loser, give up man. give up like what you always do. stop being a perfectionist when you get nothing right. heyy look, you not only skipped training already but also go add on weight by eating those rubbish there, worth it nort? well, it doesnt make much diff. and im talking to myself again.

and you know what, i gotta pretend everything's just fine from now on. ((: smile, cos you never who's falling for it. and im lying to myself again. i just cant do it.









and if you really care, do take a peek inside the yellow dustbin outside the school canteen soon. cos there's where i hid your little plant wrapped in a red paper inside a white plastic bagg. but its fine if you are giving up like what im doing, cos it would die anyway. even if you really did, so what? you never get to read the letter i wrote and the message i wanted to convey to you. its okay, when i threw the gift in, i told myself not to look back, cos once i do, i know i wouldnt be able to stop all these.
and im finally seeing the sad ending to this fairytale. it concluded with the princess leaving the palace all alone crying. morale of the story: the king is not to be trusted.

i know you are reading this, you definitely will. that's cos i know you having been wanting to know what's happening in my life, that's whyy you wouldnt miss out this post as well. okay, even though i didnt say sorrie right in front of you, i hope you understand that i mean it cos this misunderstanding only sinks deeper day after day and at last things seem to be clearer now. and i really dont wish for much like getting back into the past and be as close as ever cos i no longer wanna take you for granted or being selfish. i know you are not mine, i know we can only remain like that. i have given up, on myself, not you. time has proven that im a failure. you know, i just hope that we can still get together once in a while to catch up and i believe its more than enough for me. since we are each going on different ways now, having our own world, own things to do, lets not bother each other anymore and give each other more freedom and space. i rmb it used to be hard for me to accept this but now, i truly understand, get whats all these are about. i know we will never forget the times we ever had together, be it the laugher or the tears, its kept there in my heart and locked up already. thank God for your existence and may He bless you.

im finally back home! after being escorted by mr khabir all the way onto the cab. haha. he's been a really nice and sweet guy. thanks CARbear!! ((: luckily i havent been kidnapped with him around. hehe.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUNYEE. not again. im repeating it like my mom, so naggy! oh well, anw, she received sooooo many presents and honestly, MUNYEE, IM JEALOUS AND ENVY YOU!! its okay, i know my turn will come. ahaha. hope it will be as lively and great as today then. but guess not. ahh, nvm. munyee, hope you enjoyed your day and that you will love your many many presents. rmb that we are going out for a dinner for sushi tmr night okay? ((:

school was freaking tiring today. went to the dentist okay. and he really made my day. im mouth was freaking shut for two hours after recess cos its soooo numb and i had a real bad headache after that too. sighh. hope im not sick yet! and then i had to drag myself to attend AEM and i was really irritated by then but i try as much not to dampen birthday's girl mood too. haha. went back school after that and got on bus with a group of soccer boys, a bunch of idiotic noisy freaks!! haha. guess what they did on the bus? they bullied my friend's friend. lol. nothing better to do. they kept asking for the girls no. and really freaked them out. haha. and anyway, i finally got zhen yuan's no.!! i waited hell long to actually be daring enough to open my mouth and ask that question since we are always fated enough to meet on the bus. he changed so much that i cant really recognise him but luckily he called out to me. haha. although he wasnt very sure if it was me. afterall, its been five years, my first... no, maybe second? crush. (TOP SECRET. xD) but yaa anw back here, i had fun with the guys cos its been a long time since i really hanged out with them and talk. of course, this time was different, i was the only girl then, innocently stared and followed them around. haha. then after that we proceeded to the mcdonalds and clementi even though i was supposed to go home!! so freaking late then. but i guess once in a while is alright. we joked and all that, creating hell in the place. that really reminded me of the past one whole year. everything changed in this 365 days, like nobody's business. haha. i should be learning to cope with the new environment and get used to it.
but hey look, did i make the correct choice by leaving them? they havent once abandoned me, but i did neglect them. sorrie.

had my dinner again. not again, you know what is it, ABALONE. gosh, at least its cooked in noodles soup today, i found it better. HAHA. cos actually i gave all the pieces to my sis and ate the noodles only. hmm. i really hope i can get over this season soon. those money spent are more than enough for me to eat 351 thousand nuggets! btw, another two hours infront of the computer. okay, my eyes are going blur, i dont wannt become a four eyed nerd!! well, been doing my powerpoint presentation for my AEM and so while digging out some photos, i saw this:

OKAY, I KNOW MY HAIR'S MESSY AND I APOLOGISE FOR THAT COS IT WAS REALLY WINDYYYYYYYYYY. BUT GUESS WHAT?! IF YOU'RE OBSERVANT ENOUGH, YOU WOULD HAVE REALISED I WAS MUNCHING AWAY A HUGE FISHBALL, HALF OF IT ON SIMIN'S HAND!! (:

taken on o3o2o7 on munyee's advanced bday party. taken once on the camera, kept forever in the heart. ((:

MUNYEE, I LOVE YOU!! ((:

confession of princess WU.

just came home from the obs check up. and my com is rather laggy after not using for months and im uploading some songs so its making it worse and slower... what to do? today i got so freaking distracted during maths lessons thanks to some music coming from nowhere and its a song, called the rose. i just love it so much that what do you think? i cant even concentrate for what's ms ang is talking bout! sigh. i just hope it wont happen again. itss really a nice song! (: okay, wait, back to my check up at clementi polyclinic with darren, henglun and doyle. maybe with munyee nad dave at first too. but they left soon after since the clinic after take so freaking long to just attend to a a patient. cant blame myself. its just fro the sake of convienence and the price. haha. due to my old injury at my kneecap and asthma, the doctor said she will write a letter over for the obs ppl and then let them decide whether i can attend la. sighh. im fine with anything. (;

just managed to contact mr tseng. arhh, sorta missed him i admit. nobody there to really talk to and treat me ice cream!! haha. hmm, tmr is munyee's bday so i might just be too busy to blog tmr, and i shall officially wish my darling a HAPPY SWEET 15 BIRTHDAY here now!! the next one is me yeahh? then we will have the IC together. hehe. ahh, im still younger than you! hmm, looking forward to see you tmr even though we celebrated your bday. and we cant celebrate my bday cos i will be obs. )): dont worrie. will miss ya. haha. take care kayy, grandmama, all the best for everything and God bless! (: ohya, maybe should go fetch mye chit at airport too! im getting excited. haha. well, anw, if benjamin you are reading this, i gotta tell you that im not going down to your school to watch the soccer match so so sorrie! )):

i just realised mye chit is coming soon! whee. that's cos the o levels results are coming out. good luck to everyone and that includes my sis, marla and jingfang who are not reading this! haha. okay, maybe to vid for her higher mother tongue too. hmm.

and my wrist is still pain. i realised im typing so slowly cos i became a leftie. but surprisingly im still good at it. and you know what? i sat in front of the computer for two hours already without doing anything!! i need to study now. so GOODBYE. tmr need see doc. but i still havent decide whether to turn up for OBS. so many pros and cons like its on my birthday but its once in a life time. so many are going and encourage me to go but my parents are apparently against it. so hwo? one last day to decide. anyone wanna change my mind? haha. i think my main reason i dont wanna go is cos i dont wanna leave my munyee alone in school. and the reason i insist in going cos i get to make friends, take the jetty and leave in some kampong liked place. haha.

just finised my abalone meal dinner again. zz. ppl are telling me im rich when im not. i just dont see why my dad had to force me to finish up totally something that i dislike even though it may be exorbitant. well, look, its barely just a spongy fishball-liked thing. i would rather eat a week of nuggets than rather eating that thing okay? hmm, but honestly, maybe i still prefer sharkfin. haha. i wonder what's up with my dad cooking those stuff these days. trying to experiment something if im not wrong yeah? rawr, better not anymore! im dying of that. haha. who knows maybe its just poisonous! okay, then maybe i should be dead by now. i be glad so. anw, i do hope that my addict and urge for eating nuggets doesnt grow anymore cos im really freaking out at the rate im eating now. the nugget posioned has successfully been planted into guoyi!! gosh, help me. does anyone know of a hotline to dail if you are under nuggets eating disorder? maybe i can built a rehabilation centre and be the consultant myself. (: haha.

whee, im mood-swinging again. and im reallllllyyyyy apologetic bout that. SORRIE. i cant help it, i really cant. PMS. )): i know i shouldnt have showed attitude these days, all act like as if im a depressed fellow. maybe i shouldnt have been a moment angry, and the other moment irritated. i should just stay cheerful and make the ppl around me smile and stay happy! that's RETARDED MARIA WU'S job rmb? (:

okay, im not exactly happy at my own results of HCL and CHEM today. rather sucky. cos its like, one mark to an A, an A2 at least for CHEM. and HCL?! i should be happy for scoring an A2 in 41984351billion years but apparently, for a perfectionist like me, im never contented. im just aiming higher for myself, adding on burden and giving myself my stress. cmon, i know i can survive and can do it! (:

things been happening every second. when old problems sink and be forgotten or are solved, new ones arise again. for this month, i think im really gonna face a big one and is still looking for a solution. haha. hais. now im getting used to it. like what munyee has mentioned, (or maybe her grandma mentioned) cest la vie, this is how life goes. guoyi, learn to face the fact. life's soooo full of obstacles you gotta cross, but think again, someone's gonna be at the end of the obstacle to congratulate you then, or perharps, that friend of yours is just rigth beside you always to secretly help you cross it. haha. (:

my 100th post! (:


its awesome fun. (: i love the HO family. haha. they bring me laughter, happiness and joy. thats what friends are for! thank God and bless them. hehe. i truthfully admit that i enjoyed the times with your going to random, stupid and nerdy places like discovery centres and science centres but guess what, in the end, i not only learn alot from there, i gained this bond with your too! haha. okay, i know im being mushy and idiotic, but yeahh, your have been great, supporting me all the way!!


especially for munyee:
havent really got you any present YET, though i helped daryl in buying one for you. so anytime, you want anything, name it, and i will get it for you! be it the stars or the moon, i shall just take a rocket and go to the outter space to pluck it down for you. im just afraid it would be too heavy for you to carry it home. haha. but actually, i thought i know you so well that you wouldnt ask for anything, so all i wanted to do for you was to plan this surprise party for you and really get you some time to enjoy life and take things off your mind. hope i really manage to do it and i really dont ask for a word of thanks. seeing you smile is way enough! but you know, i still have got many things to tell you, but i decided not to spoil your mood so yeahh, sorrie, will tell you some other time? you must take care kayy? guoyi the huggable is always here to listen and provide a shoulder! open for you 24hrs daily just like mcdonalds!

happy birthday. and all the best for you results. (; im right on time!

thanks melissa guo. thanks alot. enlightened me. haha. i think its true. so so true. if i have talked to you earlier, i think i wouldnt be so troubled. everything's solved. im feeling so light now. thank God.


so what if its my fault, its not necessary to apologise. cos you made me said all that and the problem doesnt all lie on me. you are part of it too. you may have made me smile several times but i guess the times i cried over you isnt much lesser. you dont deserve our friendship since you didnt try to earn it back. and i really want you to know that i may have lost a good brother, a special friend but you too, have lost an even better sis and a soulmate that you cant find out there just by the roadside. but still, even if i didnt call you up on the hp and apologise or continue this arguement and give you a chance to do some explanation, i wanna say sorrie here, for causing all the inconveniece to you on these over this period of time. its time for a thing like this to come to an end. im not sure if we still call it a friendship, but its gonna remain as stagnant as ever from now on. im not gonna let it affect me anymore. i thank you for everything you have ever done for me but that's it, im letting it go, for once.

not in the mood to blog now but i think im still gonna do it. i think i really needa apologise to my little sista. she brought back some nuggets and then when she found out that its my new addiciton, its already in my hands and i gave her the evil smile. i finished all of them even though im having a worse sorethroat than yesterday. cant blame me, my stomach's grumbling. wazzup with it? i need a doctor. sighh. im being soooooo unkind. ahh. sorrie. oh, did i just say sorrie? lol.

today school was short. then wondering whether to attend amaths. and i really wanted to. but my funny gastric pain forced me home. sighs. then tossed in bed cos i couldnt get a proper nap. so tell me, should i go see a doctor? my gastric's been like that more often these days. is it trying to say that it doesnt accept nuggets? haha. its okay. nvm... *ignores pain*


even though im feeling real sick now, i shall look forward to seeing munyee at west coast park tmr and then we can play together, bond a bit with the "family" and EAT NUGGETS!! hmm. i think i should just see a doctor later. ):

seems like blogger is down cos weisheng and daryl agreed with me. oh well, nvm, i shall just continue typing my post and see how later. and im conferencing with daryl and weisheng now discussing bout our big surprise on saturday... muahah! oops, i thought im not supposed to mention this since SHE'S READING THIS NOW, RIGHT HO MUNYEE!? haha. hmm, oh well, anyway, im going make it big for me since she's sucha best buddy of mine!!

today AEM wasnt good. ahh, told ya, i suck. look, i failed again. and i dont see where the problem lies. so what if i have got a full marks in my maths test? cmon, thats once in a sooooooo long. thats just purely luck. its lousy. looks ugly. and is not tasty. yuck. and guess what? i vomitted them out after i reached home too. LOL. i dont even appreciate my own food, who will? im just looking down on myself. whyy be a perfectionist when no one is perfect?