girl, girl, if you are reading this... if only you are.
i dont wanna argue with you, but cmon, i have all along been visiting your blog, yes i dare to say i did. but did you? have you any idea what's happening in my life this while all along? i admit i have neglected you, neglected this friendship i have been holding on for almost 4 years. no, i am still holding on tightly to it, i am definitely going to. you claimed that im always nort free. okay, maybe im nort, i did try to make time for you yeah? many times you called me, i know that but i didnt answer cos most of the times im too busy. still, i did return most of your calls and you turn out to be nort answering too. what do you want me to do then? i hope and wish you would appear online so we can catch up a little and update each other, but narr, like what yvonne have said, the timing is like shit. you gotta know that i care, im aware you are sick, and all that. so i shall apologise now, for abandoning you for the past month. so sorrie. TGFWY.

CAN SOMEONE JUST TELL ME WHATS WRONG WITH BLOGGER!?!? forget it. im nort in the mood. well, at least i was managed to be cheered up by watching mr. bean's holiday at gv vivo today with daryl, simin, dean, weisheng, haziq, weipeng, dave and zhiyangg. munyee left at the last minute, how disappointing i felt. but its okay, i knwo you've got your own reasons, munyee!

and anw, things have becoming badd. as complicatedd as solving the alpha beta Amath question. ): even ppl can see tear rolling bout in my eyes and see me putting on a fake smile. right, maybe im still controlling them. i dont wanna burst out into tears like how i used to do anymore. im a big now, you know?




i thought everything only started with a simple small problem.

right, you made me cry again. you are so capable of doing it. thanks man. okay, maybe it was me, all my fault. i started them. then blame it on me.


i thought i was a good day today. but no it didnt turn out good. after having vid said a sentence that hurt him real badly and got him thinking whether i mean it or nort... crap. what's going on?

well, sorta teared a little. cos finally talked things out with him. he called me, and i was kinda worked up and pissed. but hello, i think im the one being unreasonable so its all my fault and nort to blame him. should even praise and thank him for enduring my wildness and attitude. HA.


fainted outside canteen this morning. for the first time. for once. my legs just felt wobbly like what munyee said, JELLY-LIKED.. and then the next thing i knew, i felt on munyee and black out. but i think it was for a while, i came back and then i realised many ppl were in front of him. but seems like i was so blur i only managed to recognise estella, whom im grabbing my hands tightly, munyee, who's standing right in front mumbling and i turned my head and saw timothy standing there. he looked really worried. were you, tim? haha, guess so, who wouldnt? felt like suddenly many ppl cared. they simply asked if i were alright and all that. thanks ppl. i really needed help then.


i learnt something during CME today again!! even though i didnt those lessons, even though i dont really enjoy seeing mrs lena ang's face, even though i was almost dead when i returned class straight after p.e. i still listened and found it true. nothing really last. especially things like friendship. furthermore to say relationships. all so fragile. nothing really is everlasting, is there? that's whyy i hate to hear or say FOREVER. cos its like, if i say y.p.g. or m.s.g. forever, will they be? no, maybe they wont. okay, obviously they wont? ten years down the road, you think we will still be keeping in contact, calling each other everynight. cmon, i know once we stop seeing each other, we will simply live to use to it. we dont really rely on each other. face the fact. i have had enough experience for it. i cant stand losing ppl arnd me, things arnd me. wayy tooo important for me. im nort sure why i treat everything so serious too. its like, im always so humourous on the outside though, never stop smiling. and when i stopped, luke asked me, hey, im hope i dont get used to you nort smiling, yeah?


oh freak. i ran 16min today. im a slow poke. a pig. i crawl, i dont run. i didnt fail, NO i didnt, but i was how bout 5min slower than expected? ended having a C. hello, last year was an A.
2.4km, 2.4km, im gonna beat you.




I NEED TO DO SOME SOUL-SEARCHING.

yeahh, im feeling - again. like so gdsf645ehgdf654ryehgdasf. you guys understand? i know your dont. cos only i do. but its okay. im getting used to it. i will be fine after a while. just leave me alone. maybe im just tired i guess.

suddenly, i realised i cant handle these sorta stuff. but whyy did i think i could in the first place? i was just being selfish. now am i supposed to regret? whats the point? i see no use.


Lord, enlighten me.i seek for an answer that's the best for both of us.



if only, time is willing to stop for me to let me think what i should do next.

yeahh, yanlin, where're you? have you died again? im worried sick.

my hamster went missing, and im terribly upset bout it. ):

boo! i had a good day today i guess. its just another of my super early birthday celebration. well, this time round, a sure surprise, with another clique of mine though, so is it a good thing to have so many friends? haha. anw, THANK YOU ahmad, yanlin, vidya, poornima, KAVITHA and my dear. even though you guys LIED TO ME, i shall forgive you. HAHA. really, i have grown so old, its only my second time celebrating my birthday and okay, its furthermore both on my 15th birthday. well, at least i forgot bout my leg injury today and we guys simply just sat down to eat cake, chat and watched the nice movie: drumline! anw, okay, i changed my mind.

yes, i see it coming. nort again, no, i wont let history repeat itself, i promise i wont, at least nort like that. cmon, i think there must be something wrong with me, inside out, and upside down. im simply looking for trouble. everything was fun so why bother create more events in your life, guoyi? pls pls, this time round, it now or never.

THANK YOU GUYS. THANK GOD FOR YOU PPL. I LOVE YOURR!! weisheng, munyee, simin, bryan, annabel, unice, dave, weipeng, dean, shimin, henglun and linus. i apologise for nort smsing your, cos my bill exceeded and yaa, let me just express here. you know, its my first time for 15 years that i had such celebration. your gave me my first time! haha. even though there were accidents here and that, i enjoyed pretty much. im so touched for the cake and prezzies. well, no matter what, its the thoughts that count. no worries bout whether i will like it or nort. you ppl know me so well, i really appreciate it. ya and anyway, i think i should apologise for being emo on the beach just now. but im fine now! esp my toe. hehe.

ohh, raining puppies and kittens outside now. haha, what a funny way to phrase that. yupp, its cold and its just so comfortable lying in bed now. especially after a day of my secret and special "soccer training". haha. i am soooo tired. i got to meet this few guys that are really fun, cute, friendly, patient, loving and nice-talking! haha. they got funny names too. i mean one is called stanley that is perfectly fine. but the other one is called ibrahim a.k.a. BA-BA. i like it though. (: oh ya, and my soccer coach is called HARRY. haha. most ppl should know its my dog's name. yeahh. well, those ppl are really cool. thats what i think la. at least they bother teaching me the right ways to kick the ball and i think im improving!! hehe. so yeahh, poornima and i will be meeting them tmr morning again. its such fate that we can be friends be accident just playing soccer. worth it to know ppl like them. lala. so this thing is enough for me, to nort talk bout the upsetting things that happen to me today? im looking forward to tmr! ((: <33

for a while, i prayed that god could forgive me. im nort sure bout that. cos i have been lying recently. real badly. its like, i know im going against my parents will, yet i continue on still, but i do feel guilty bout it okay. now i dont know what to do. its like, they arent white lies in the first place. maybe i should just be a mommy's girl and stay and home and study real hard. that is, maybe. so sorrie, i cant do it. i became sooo rebellious. guoyi, get a grip, get a life.

long long dayy. so freaking tired and sleepy. thanks to yvonne last night! stayed over at my place and i sorta didnt sleep well or early and woke up at like 6am with only that 6hours of sleep. man. its okay, i will be having a good time in bed then. i gotta rmb that there's still listening paper tmr morning! irritating.

well, so this morning the match against pcss sucked. its like, 23 - 0? wow, amazed. lol. im more amazed when sebastian came down, dressing like a cleaning and acted BENG. HAHA. funny la him.

then after we came school, accompanied y.p.g. down to chevrons to bowl with kavi, azy, mudd, and andrewYO. (: and then had fun laughing when there's two mad but cute seniors there entertaining us. well, but anyway, i didnt want to bowl in the first place when i dont know how, but end up bowling quite well with a few strikes. muahaha. XX.

and after that, rushed down to jp to meet muihiang, manprit and siti. we went around walking but actually our main aim is to buy some small little gifts la. since tmr is a rather interesting dayy... hmm, haha, i ate so much today! crap. should but down a little. and the worse thing is i had sun burnt. omg.


was rather upset today too. ms tan said, "guoyi, im letting you play src in june, but look at yourself, you are rusting." maybe she didnt shout or whatsoever. maybe it was just a comment. but it means alot. RUST. RUST. can you imagine? im sinking down. the passion isnt there anymore.

not another vivid dream of him, this time, as usual, strange. ahh, cmon, i got used to it. haha. well, today's a badd dayy. but anyway, thanks mye chit and thanks poornima. haha. you guys made my day better. i felt sooooo evil today bullying mye chit. haha. out of 100 questions that he asked me, i think i simple shook my head 99 times out of them. and i think the last one is most probably a yes to going home. you know, i have never been soooo attitude or moody. but still, mye chit was being soooo patient okay. unlike someone else... dont even give a damn bout it!! hmm, poornima came and "counselled" me too. HAHA. funny, i thought i used to be the one "counselling" her anyway. well, time has changed.

for a while, i thought, maybe i should just leave sg, and my life might be better. not as stressful then. well but anyway, im looking forward to obs now. for only one reason? to see him.

omg, i didnt know i was so pretty until just now. HAH. okay, im mad. cos we went to take neo at tiong. then i realised i looked good. maybe im in a good mood then. but no, im nort really supposed to be feeling happy. sigh. nvm. as usual, im so mixed up. haha. oh well, still, i admit i enjoyed myself. LALA. for the second time we went out together. budden we didnt spend much time together talking. sighh. just laughing at stupid things. haha. okay. next week's gonna be busy even though it may be the holidays. no difference. i think i would be even more busy then. let's take a look at the schedule and wait for my mom to nag at me. oops, i forgot bout dinner again.

saturday - SRC @ kallang.

sunday - SRC @ kallang, tuition & subhas' bday.

monday - mock exam, nicole's bday, softball game at pcss & outing with muihiang and manprit.

tuesday - mock exam, lilin's bday & one month anniversary.

wednesday - out to shop for some rubbish on OBS or go for training on my 2.4km run!!

thursday - outing with the HO family. (:

friday - movie marathon with NTE in my house overnight? (might be taking mock exam if i missed the one on monday too.)

saturday - doctor's appointment & qihui's birthday.

sunday - tuition & last minute-rushing-homework-time!!

emo songs made me feel better i guess. maybe they arent that emo, its just that those lyrics sound rather meaningful and mean much to me... well, for a while, i thought im going to give up or something similar. like stop studying and all that. you know, its just so demoralising when everyone looks at your results and ask, "what? you failed your english? how can that be? please la, stop playing already la, study hard or you want die arh?" others even worse, scolding me stupid. sighh. who understands? now i know i probably wont get into NJ. cmon la, in singapore, as long as you fail your ENGLISH, that's it, your life's over. so what if this is term one? it still counts 15% hello? i know this is nort o levels yet. but im still angry. yes i am. im USELESS. what, so waht if i can do well maths? big deal? i rather sacrifice both A1s for my english then. HA. impossible. and ppl listen up, im sadd nort bcos my parents will nag, ground, disown, slap, scold or whack me. do i look like i give a damn, furthermore, they will only sign the paper and stare at me. thats all. its just that i set very high expectations for myself, and when i dont achieve it, its as great as asking me to slash myself. okay, that was a stupid example, but i wont do it. you know its damn disappointing when the teachers need to constantly remind you, and that i probably left a bad impression on mrs cheong? crapp. whats the use of giving me tuition and all that then la. NOT MY FAULT! forget it. im die die going to make myself get an A the next time round. AHMAD, YOU GOTTA TREAT ME TO ICE CREAM IF I CAN REALLY MAKE IT, AND THIS TIME ROUND, YOU BETTER IT AND DONT BREAK YOUR PROMISE OR I WILL BREAK YOUR NECK. (:

anw, today school was rather short since i left class early to go for the anglican high school's softball match. we won!! and their school is freaking big with indoor stadium and heritage centre. haha. well, afterall it is a boarding school and their school canteen sell such expensive food!! haha. i was whole time screaming and im feeling sick now. oh ya, and then they have got many cute guys i wanted to ask number for. maybe i should right? oops. haha. time for dinner now but im nort eating and i wonder whyy. blah blah, i need ice cream to fill me up and cool myself down. (:

im enjoying my 6th ice cream of the day. HA. yum yum. its coming backk, yupp. (: i just realised guoyi is someone who really likes to think back, likes old things, no matter whatever it can be. you know, maybe im stupid. i vent my anger on food. i could have donated all the food i puked to the children's home. i mean, before i eat them i should have donated. cos i simply ate 3bowls of noodles just now when i wasnt feeling just as good and then throw up after that. wonderful and well done? well, i will try nort to do it again though. life's still liddat, as sucky as ever. and it has gotta go on, and i needa learn to live with it. should i even bother changing my life, to a better one? but how do i know what's best for myself when i cant even make small little decisions. i think its time for me to reflect a little on what i have been doing, and that includes towards someone.

yanwah:
im so surprised you actually cared. but you know, i cared for you too. cos i was so worried when i heard from yvonne that you broke your back. i missed you hell lot. haha. oh well, time really flies, 3 years back, we were still enjoying ourselves in nhps there in 6d with ms tan and mdm wong. how bout even 5 yrs back rmb? when we were rather good friends and yupp, still, i couldnt forget certain things. i think you should know what la. haha. (: anw, im still looking forward to seeing you again. haha. love you loads. study hard!!

today studied alone at je library thanks to yanlin giving me empty words. haha. but its okay, i was really hardowrking and studied for hella 5hrs. and then i saw ppl there. i mean, ppl i know la. haha. and then wasted my time on maths and eng and didnt eat anything at all. just had steamboat with my family and it was a good time even though im used to not eating with my dad already... still, yupp, today was fine, everything done, no procrastinating and i feel rather freshened up cos im nort sick already!! budden one thing... his still up there in my head. i still cant control. damn. well, i needa some sleep. BEFORE I GO GET SOME ICE LOLLY TO SUCK AGAIN. I GOT HOOKED ONTO THEM NOW. OH NO. MY NEXT ADDICTION: ICE LOLLY.

i fell in love with this song. someone tell me its nice. (: i think im being a little emo again.

he simply spoiled my day. i was feeling good though sick at first. but somehow out of nowhere, he dropped me a HI on msn. and that's how it all started. it may only be a simple HI, but it really got me wondering what he wanted to say. but he didnt reply after that. and yupp, at that time, my msn nickname was: & i guess i havent really moved on. maybe he wants me to get a grip of myself.

im half awake now. exhausted after a long day. okay, maybe its counted short. afterall there's no lessons budden also i have been walking like madd. you know, walking around vivocity can be something tiring. haha. but still, i didnt run the x country. and i sucked. im simply a coward. who's scares of not being able to achieve when i havent even tried. and i hate myself losing so much confidence when its possible to do it. oh i just hate it. what to do? well, anw, back to something more happy. we guys went to catch a movie! yay, we back together going out. ahah. of course, i enjoyed myself even though i feel rather bad lying to my mom again. haha. weird, guoyi's feeling guilty. oh and i think im going to have a nightmare later. cos we went to watch the epic movie. cmon. its freaking disgusting, gross, funny, lame, weird and simply atrocious. haha. maybe my words are contradicting, but well, thats what the movie's all bout. wasting eight bucks just to go in there and basically sleep and laugh. lol. it has got no plot at all. gosh. i wonder whyy im there too. nvm, let's nort talk bout it. haha. in the end, i somehow enjoyed the movie. so i guess the day isnt that bad. oh ya, i think i needa really go through this though few months and stay alive by the end of it. its gonna be real badd. guoyi, go, you can do it!!

let's hope things turn better tmr. i mean both my mood and my throat. it seems to be burning inside now!! so horrid. i gotta survive okay. no matter what, i will drag myself there. haha. i think it started with swallowing the whole of 5 HOT nuggets just now during recess. oh crap. luckily oral's over. but stillm I CANT SING!! haha. )): nvm, i just hope i still can run tmr. but... can i really do it?!

not again. the season's coming back. damn. i know im nort gonna heal till late april. hope you guys can bear with my freaking irritating attitude problem for a while, will ya? im under too much stress. and that includes the most important one, my term one results. whateva it is man, thats not the main thing. its that, I WANT TO GET SOME THINGS OFF MY DAMN HEAD.

maybe im thinking of the wrong person now. maybe its not right. maybe i shouldnt miss that fella at all. cmon, its more than a year back since i last been to the playground, where it used to be my favourite hang out. its been more than 2 years since i last been to the shopping centre where my first date is at. HA. well, i had just been to both these places recently to get some of those feelings back and see how they are now. surprisingly, they remained as vivid as ever even though everything there might have changed totally. but i knwo what im doing now. hmm, its hard, so hard to describe how it feels like. and even if i honeslty said it out, who would believe? ppl will think that im stupid and mad. i dont ask for anyone's understanding, i just want one person to trust me.

and i think i shouldnt take cab ever again. the driver cheated me 3bucks! ): so evil. im angry.

a message to the previous owner of the green little turtle:

thanks, thanks for being so understanding. you mean a lot to me. you mean more than just a friend, you are a special friend. you are always there when i needed you, and we have been through quite alot for the past year. i enjoy studying with you, chatting outside class and through msn. i know i have hurt you but i know i will have to do it cos its only fair this way. so sorrie, my decision was made but the person chosen isnt you. at least i know its not gonna affect this friendship and lets work towards NJ, shall we? dont think so much, i will return you what i owe you some day! (: smile more like what you always do to cheer me up. hah.

anyway, i named the green little turtle you gave me. its called COLOURS. once again, sorrie, and thanks alot. friends forever, take care and iloveyou.

sometimes, i do wonder if i made the correct choice. i keep questioning myself...



hey girl, you sure you are not gonna regret? you sure you are gonna be happy and satisfied like that? are you seriously gonna give up your dreams becos of someone you think is important to you but is that person really that important? girl, are you still in playing mood or have you think it through? please, please not let history repeat itself. no one's gonna help you decide and you cant blame anyone if anything goes wrong.

back. rather moody. why?

right, let me just update on this three busy days with a short post before im leaving and let this blog die for 5days.

valentine's day had been a good day for me this year. and i shall rememberr 13o2o7. ((: its cool. really. i received sooooo many prezzies, especially a few that i like a lot like... THE MINI CUTE GREEN TURTLE!! my fav. hehe. and of course, i love the rose by dean too. its gonna wilt anw. )): and ya, thanks guys for all those food. its the thought that counts. apologise for not buying anything!!

AEM's coming to an end. end of stress but end of fun too. end of experimenting food!! haha. well, everything's gotta come to an end. hmm, face the fact.

anw, also MADE UP WITH SOMEONE*. haha. that idiot... EVERYTHING'S HIS FAULT!! haha, he's definitely someone who can make me laugh in tears of anger. LOL. what a mixed feeling. hmm, anw, im in the wrong too la. let's be back to the special friends we were used to, shall we?

school's been stressed too. blah blah. lousy maths test results. been studying like madddddddddd ESPECIALLY FOR MY MOTHER TONGUE!! omg, my mock exam is nearing. noooooooooo

one last thing, im convinced, not to leave anymore. ((:



MISSME!! will be back soon. be patient! happy chinese year!

should i, or should i not?

suddenly i was just bored, and that i feel so confused up, i decided to blog. but when i come to this page, my mind seems to go totally blank, like as if i cant express out everything, and i start wondering whyy i even feel this wayy. so what's been into me, making me feel irritated and stuff like that? im sure there's many reasons behind this but there can only be a main one. i havent slept well last night, just by thinking through what we used to do can already take up four hours of my sleep, i wonder what will happen if i start rmb all those small little incidents that happened the past one year, 365 days. its sounded real long, but seems short to me. that's it, its over. well, i guess i dont want to have anything to do with it anymore, and shall start anew nerdy guoyi life peacefully.

you just dont know how pathetic it is to hold on to something that is not coming back. then maybe i should just let go.

and i know i have to say this, cos i really cant keep it inside and cry it out all alone and let you know nothing bout it. i really hesitated before i dump and abandon that present. you just dont know how long it took me to just wrap it up, save money and buy it and actually bother to go out late at night just choosing it. yet, its not appreciated. who knows how it feels like? the kinda feeling, where you stabb straight into my heart and pretended you did nothing, acting like as if you dont give a damn and you just dont have time. but after sooo much that i have said, do you actually understand? i thought you would take some initiative to get back, but no? fine, like what my yoges-gor said. you gotta move on in life if you really had made up you mind, no use wasting time there. you never know cos whens theres a lost, theres a gain.

my dad's nagging behind me, for im not having dinner again. that's for a week already. im really nort anorexic, its just that the nuggets, chocolate ice cream cake, mentos and sweet drinks are filling my stomach up. you know, my gastric isnt good, so it tends to get upset when i stuff it with junk. ahh, let it be then, you can take it guoyi, so no worries. (: at least there's no abalone for dinner tonight, HA-HA. oh ya, i thought i would be able to see him tmr if i go to IJC, but looks like i cant be bothered to go. whyy do i care? BUT I STILL CARE.

ended school early today so went home to take my flour and chocolate hersey's syrup and rush back sg poly to continue my ice cream making. its sucked. it really did. cos i hate it to see it when it fails, and when it doesnt turn out to what i expect, i throw them away. so can you imagine how many times i tried making? im just wasting food la cmon, guoyi, you are a loser, give up man. give up like what you always do. stop being a perfectionist when you get nothing right. heyy look, you not only skipped training already but also go add on weight by eating those rubbish there, worth it nort? well, it doesnt make much diff. and im talking to myself again.

and you know what, i gotta pretend everything's just fine from now on. ((: smile, cos you never who's falling for it. and im lying to myself again. i just cant do it.









and if you really care, do take a peek inside the yellow dustbin outside the school canteen soon. cos there's where i hid your little plant wrapped in a red paper inside a white plastic bagg. but its fine if you are giving up like what im doing, cos it would die anyway. even if you really did, so what? you never get to read the letter i wrote and the message i wanted to convey to you. its okay, when i threw the gift in, i told myself not to look back, cos once i do, i know i wouldnt be able to stop all these.
and im finally seeing the sad ending to this fairytale. it concluded with the princess leaving the palace all alone crying. morale of the story: the king is not to be trusted.

i know you are reading this, you definitely will. that's cos i know you having been wanting to know what's happening in my life, that's whyy you wouldnt miss out this post as well. okay, even though i didnt say sorrie right in front of you, i hope you understand that i mean it cos this misunderstanding only sinks deeper day after day and at last things seem to be clearer now. and i really dont wish for much like getting back into the past and be as close as ever cos i no longer wanna take you for granted or being selfish. i know you are not mine, i know we can only remain like that. i have given up, on myself, not you. time has proven that im a failure. you know, i just hope that we can still get together once in a while to catch up and i believe its more than enough for me. since we are each going on different ways now, having our own world, own things to do, lets not bother each other anymore and give each other more freedom and space. i rmb it used to be hard for me to accept this but now, i truly understand, get whats all these are about. i know we will never forget the times we ever had together, be it the laugher or the tears, its kept there in my heart and locked up already. thank God for your existence and may He bless you.

im finally back home! after being escorted by mr khabir all the way onto the cab. haha. he's been a really nice and sweet guy. thanks CARbear!! ((: luckily i havent been kidnapped with him around. hehe.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUNYEE. not again. im repeating it like my mom, so naggy! oh well, anw, she received sooooo many presents and honestly, MUNYEE, IM JEALOUS AND ENVY YOU!! its okay, i know my turn will come. ahaha. hope it will be as lively and great as today then. but guess not. ahh, nvm. munyee, hope you enjoyed your day and that you will love your many many presents. rmb that we are going out for a dinner for sushi tmr night okay? ((:

school was freaking tiring today. went to the dentist okay. and he really made my day. im mouth was freaking shut for two hours after recess cos its soooo numb and i had a real bad headache after that too. sighh. hope im not sick yet! and then i had to drag myself to attend AEM and i was really irritated by then but i try as much not to dampen birthday's girl mood too. haha. went back school after that and got on bus with a group of soccer boys, a bunch of idiotic noisy freaks!! haha. guess what they did on the bus? they bullied my friend's friend. lol. nothing better to do. they kept asking for the girls no. and really freaked them out. haha. and anyway, i finally got zhen yuan's no.!! i waited hell long to actually be daring enough to open my mouth and ask that question since we are always fated enough to meet on the bus. he changed so much that i cant really recognise him but luckily he called out to me. haha. although he wasnt very sure if it was me. afterall, its been five years, my first... no, maybe second? crush. (TOP SECRET. xD) but yaa anw back here, i had fun with the guys cos its been a long time since i really hanged out with them and talk. of course, this time was different, i was the only girl then, innocently stared and followed them around. haha. then after that we proceeded to the mcdonalds and clementi even though i was supposed to go home!! so freaking late then. but i guess once in a while is alright. we joked and all that, creating hell in the place. that really reminded me of the past one whole year. everything changed in this 365 days, like nobody's business. haha. i should be learning to cope with the new environment and get used to it.
but hey look, did i make the correct choice by leaving them? they havent once abandoned me, but i did neglect them. sorrie.

had my dinner again. not again, you know what is it, ABALONE. gosh, at least its cooked in noodles soup today, i found it better. HAHA. cos actually i gave all the pieces to my sis and ate the noodles only. hmm. i really hope i can get over this season soon. those money spent are more than enough for me to eat 351 thousand nuggets! btw, another two hours infront of the computer. okay, my eyes are going blur, i dont wannt become a four eyed nerd!! well, been doing my powerpoint presentation for my AEM and so while digging out some photos, i saw this:

OKAY, I KNOW MY HAIR'S MESSY AND I APOLOGISE FOR THAT COS IT WAS REALLY WINDYYYYYYYYYY. BUT GUESS WHAT?! IF YOU'RE OBSERVANT ENOUGH, YOU WOULD HAVE REALISED I WAS MUNCHING AWAY A HUGE FISHBALL, HALF OF IT ON SIMIN'S HAND!! (:

taken on o3o2o7 on munyee's advanced bday party. taken once on the camera, kept forever in the heart. ((:

MUNYEE, I LOVE YOU!! ((:

confession of princess WU.

just came home from the obs check up. and my com is rather laggy after not using for months and im uploading some songs so its making it worse and slower... what to do? today i got so freaking distracted during maths lessons thanks to some music coming from nowhere and its a song, called the rose. i just love it so much that what do you think? i cant even concentrate for what's ms ang is talking bout! sigh. i just hope it wont happen again. itss really a nice song! (: okay, wait, back to my check up at clementi polyclinic with darren, henglun and doyle. maybe with munyee nad dave at first too. but they left soon after since the clinic after take so freaking long to just attend to a a patient. cant blame myself. its just fro the sake of convienence and the price. haha. due to my old injury at my kneecap and asthma, the doctor said she will write a letter over for the obs ppl and then let them decide whether i can attend la. sighh. im fine with anything. (;

just managed to contact mr tseng. arhh, sorta missed him i admit. nobody there to really talk to and treat me ice cream!! haha. hmm, tmr is munyee's bday so i might just be too busy to blog tmr, and i shall officially wish my darling a HAPPY SWEET 15 BIRTHDAY here now!! the next one is me yeahh? then we will have the IC together. hehe. ahh, im still younger than you! hmm, looking forward to see you tmr even though we celebrated your bday. and we cant celebrate my bday cos i will be obs. )): dont worrie. will miss ya. haha. take care kayy, grandmama, all the best for everything and God bless! (: ohya, maybe should go fetch mye chit at airport too! im getting excited. haha. well, anw, if benjamin you are reading this, i gotta tell you that im not going down to your school to watch the soccer match so so sorrie! )):

i just realised mye chit is coming soon! whee. that's cos the o levels results are coming out. good luck to everyone and that includes my sis, marla and jingfang who are not reading this! haha. okay, maybe to vid for her higher mother tongue too. hmm.

and my wrist is still pain. i realised im typing so slowly cos i became a leftie. but surprisingly im still good at it. and you know what? i sat in front of the computer for two hours already without doing anything!! i need to study now. so GOODBYE. tmr need see doc. but i still havent decide whether to turn up for OBS. so many pros and cons like its on my birthday but its once in a life time. so many are going and encourage me to go but my parents are apparently against it. so hwo? one last day to decide. anyone wanna change my mind? haha. i think my main reason i dont wanna go is cos i dont wanna leave my munyee alone in school. and the reason i insist in going cos i get to make friends, take the jetty and leave in some kampong liked place. haha.

just finised my abalone meal dinner again. zz. ppl are telling me im rich when im not. i just dont see why my dad had to force me to finish up totally something that i dislike even though it may be exorbitant. well, look, its barely just a spongy fishball-liked thing. i would rather eat a week of nuggets than rather eating that thing okay? hmm, but honestly, maybe i still prefer sharkfin. haha. i wonder what's up with my dad cooking those stuff these days. trying to experiment something if im not wrong yeah? rawr, better not anymore! im dying of that. haha. who knows maybe its just poisonous! okay, then maybe i should be dead by now. i be glad so. anw, i do hope that my addict and urge for eating nuggets doesnt grow anymore cos im really freaking out at the rate im eating now. the nugget posioned has successfully been planted into guoyi!! gosh, help me. does anyone know of a hotline to dail if you are under nuggets eating disorder? maybe i can built a rehabilation centre and be the consultant myself. (: haha.

whee, im mood-swinging again. and im reallllllyyyyy apologetic bout that. SORRIE. i cant help it, i really cant. PMS. )): i know i shouldnt have showed attitude these days, all act like as if im a depressed fellow. maybe i shouldnt have been a moment angry, and the other moment irritated. i should just stay cheerful and make the ppl around me smile and stay happy! that's RETARDED MARIA WU'S job rmb? (:

okay, im not exactly happy at my own results of HCL and CHEM today. rather sucky. cos its like, one mark to an A, an A2 at least for CHEM. and HCL?! i should be happy for scoring an A2 in 41984351billion years but apparently, for a perfectionist like me, im never contented. im just aiming higher for myself, adding on burden and giving myself my stress. cmon, i know i can survive and can do it! (:

things been happening every second. when old problems sink and be forgotten or are solved, new ones arise again. for this month, i think im really gonna face a big one and is still looking for a solution. haha. hais. now im getting used to it. like what munyee has mentioned, (or maybe her grandma mentioned) cest la vie, this is how life goes. guoyi, learn to face the fact. life's soooo full of obstacles you gotta cross, but think again, someone's gonna be at the end of the obstacle to congratulate you then, or perharps, that friend of yours is just rigth beside you always to secretly help you cross it. haha. (:

my 100th post! (:


its awesome fun. (: i love the HO family. haha. they bring me laughter, happiness and joy. thats what friends are for! thank God and bless them. hehe. i truthfully admit that i enjoyed the times with your going to random, stupid and nerdy places like discovery centres and science centres but guess what, in the end, i not only learn alot from there, i gained this bond with your too! haha. okay, i know im being mushy and idiotic, but yeahh, your have been great, supporting me all the way!!


especially for munyee:
havent really got you any present YET, though i helped daryl in buying one for you. so anytime, you want anything, name it, and i will get it for you! be it the stars or the moon, i shall just take a rocket and go to the outter space to pluck it down for you. im just afraid it would be too heavy for you to carry it home. haha. but actually, i thought i know you so well that you wouldnt ask for anything, so all i wanted to do for you was to plan this surprise party for you and really get you some time to enjoy life and take things off your mind. hope i really manage to do it and i really dont ask for a word of thanks. seeing you smile is way enough! but you know, i still have got many things to tell you, but i decided not to spoil your mood so yeahh, sorrie, will tell you some other time? you must take care kayy? guoyi the huggable is always here to listen and provide a shoulder! open for you 24hrs daily just like mcdonalds!

happy birthday. and all the best for you results. (; im right on time!

thanks melissa guo. thanks alot. enlightened me. haha. i think its true. so so true. if i have talked to you earlier, i think i wouldnt be so troubled. everything's solved. im feeling so light now. thank God.


so what if its my fault, its not necessary to apologise. cos you made me said all that and the problem doesnt all lie on me. you are part of it too. you may have made me smile several times but i guess the times i cried over you isnt much lesser. you dont deserve our friendship since you didnt try to earn it back. and i really want you to know that i may have lost a good brother, a special friend but you too, have lost an even better sis and a soulmate that you cant find out there just by the roadside. but still, even if i didnt call you up on the hp and apologise or continue this arguement and give you a chance to do some explanation, i wanna say sorrie here, for causing all the inconveniece to you on these over this period of time. its time for a thing like this to come to an end. im not sure if we still call it a friendship, but its gonna remain as stagnant as ever from now on. im not gonna let it affect me anymore. i thank you for everything you have ever done for me but that's it, im letting it go, for once.

not in the mood to blog now but i think im still gonna do it. i think i really needa apologise to my little sista. she brought back some nuggets and then when she found out that its my new addiciton, its already in my hands and i gave her the evil smile. i finished all of them even though im having a worse sorethroat than yesterday. cant blame me, my stomach's grumbling. wazzup with it? i need a doctor. sighh. im being soooooo unkind. ahh. sorrie. oh, did i just say sorrie? lol.

today school was short. then wondering whether to attend amaths. and i really wanted to. but my funny gastric pain forced me home. sighs. then tossed in bed cos i couldnt get a proper nap. so tell me, should i go see a doctor? my gastric's been like that more often these days. is it trying to say that it doesnt accept nuggets? haha. its okay. nvm... *ignores pain*


even though im feeling real sick now, i shall look forward to seeing munyee at west coast park tmr and then we can play together, bond a bit with the "family" and EAT NUGGETS!! hmm. i think i should just see a doctor later. ):

seems like blogger is down cos weisheng and daryl agreed with me. oh well, nvm, i shall just continue typing my post and see how later. and im conferencing with daryl and weisheng now discussing bout our big surprise on saturday... muahah! oops, i thought im not supposed to mention this since SHE'S READING THIS NOW, RIGHT HO MUNYEE!? haha. hmm, oh well, anyway, im going make it big for me since she's sucha best buddy of mine!!

today AEM wasnt good. ahh, told ya, i suck. look, i failed again. and i dont see where the problem lies. so what if i have got a full marks in my maths test? cmon, thats once in a sooooooo long. thats just purely luck. its lousy. looks ugly. and is not tasty. yuck. and guess what? i vomitted them out after i reached home too. LOL. i dont even appreciate my own food, who will? im just looking down on myself. whyy be a perfectionist when no one is perfect?

sorrie i didnt take any photos today on my cake process making! hmm, it was fun as usual, and i shared it with many ppl, and surprisingly, they said it was nice so i thought they were just comforting me. the ice cream sucked though. it tasted like some super diluted peppermint kinda thing that looked like detergent. HAHA. but its okay, im not so much of a perfectionist like munyee so i will try harder next time, improve it and do better! (: so guys, wait to go man, chef guoyi is coming!! haha.

its been windy lately, hope the windy season doesnt go till saturday cos i shall go kite flying then! haha. its really cooling, making my mood better but then, feeling a little over the extreme being too empty at times. sigh sigh. its cold again! whoo... anyway, i really got a bad sorethroat now. cos why? i ate 12HOTnuggets during recess just now. sorrie, haha, thats kinda torturing myself too though. cos i simply swallowed them down quickly like a giant not eaten for 5441946zillion years!! ohwell, if you dont believe, ask munyee, cos i KOPE all her nuggets away. SORRIE, DARLING!! haha (:


i thought it was just new year yesterday but yet, chinese new year is approaching. so what does that mean? february's here. and soon will be march. time's flying. and still, i wonder what to do. life's got no aim. i havent had a break for some time. hey, how bout saying a sorrie? that's as easy as a pea, cos everyone's been telling me to do it too. im so wicked. just by saying a sorrie wont kill me right? i wont have a piece of flesh lesser. but too, something's stopping me. I HATE MYSELF. lol. last time i thought saying sorrie is nothing cos i can say it to anyone anytime as many times as i want. but now? i cant even pronounce the S. or followed by O. R. R. I. E. look, i should just go back to kindergarden and reflect. how bout... maybe i say it here? SORRIE. hmm. afterall, i didnt SAY it with SINCERITY. RUBBISH.

i thought you smiled at me yesterday, did you? & where's your promises? where are my ice-cream? no cakes for you too! humph.

i shall quickly write a short post and get back to studying my chem. im sooooo hardworking okay, been reading through the chapters to get refreshed and start on elements all over again. sigh, seems like ms liang is kinda irresponsible for leaving us all those ws and disappear in school. how could she?! evil. oh well, dont blame her la. like what mrs cheong mentioned today in english lessons, DONT TALK RUBBISH IN PUBLIC COS YOU MAY JUST GET YOURSELF INTO TROUBLE ANYTIME. haha. i think i sorta liked her lessons somehow. ahh, and i hated mrs tan physics lessons. i never failed to fall asleep during her super entertaining and interesting lessons. HAHA. im being sooooooo sarcastic. alright, anw, i went to my doctor today instead of training. yawn. haha. nothing much la. the doctor continued to talk crap and tell me not to do blah blah blah, this and that, but nar, theres still p.e. tmr!! and im going man. (: IM NOT GOING TO FAIL NAPFA. haha. and im looking for tmrs stc match even though im not playing and even better on wed, the pratical time, HANDS-ON, ice-cream cake baking time!! (:

i sense that guoyi came back. not very sure though.

hmm, just now went out to take a walk at clementi central and also to the big book shop to stock up my correction tapes. so yeahh, the breeze that blew onto my face might be cold, but indeed woke me up. i have think through much things but havent really come to a conclusion. but thanks friends, i know your havent once given up on me so i hope i wouldnt do this to myself too. now i truly know who are the ones that care, the ones that bother. thank God for letting you be there, be the pillar of guoyi when she's down. however, its time for me to learn how to slowly pick up after this fall. i need to learn how to walk myself, cos i know i wouldnt be able to rely on you guys for the rest of my lives as if treating your as my clutches. trust me, i can do it! i just need a little help once in a while every now and then when im falling back.

okay, and now, i need to get back to work cos there's a tons waiting for me right behing me now on my table. sigh sigh, feel like skipping school tmr, should i?

anyway, also made this ugly skin. but i thought its rather meaningful and true. oh well, blame myself who i have done. what i reap is what i sow. i gotta live with it. hey guoyi, you have had enough, time to get back to yourself? *poof* *tink* she's back! here she comes...

guoyi, get a life. look, everyone, or maybe most of your friends cared. so you better stop all these rubbish and get on with your life. dont run away from these problems by saying you wanna go away. i hate you, guoyi.

im a depressed kid.

i looked into the mirror just now and guess who i saw? i saw this little plump girl who's sucha bitch and a loser. she's got crocodile tears there rolling down her ugly face. and what's more? she's a big liar and always run away from reality. nobody's looking up on her and it really hurts her badly. you know, even though her smiley face on the outside always trick others that she's a cheerful kid, but only a few knows her evilness deep hidden inside her heart. she's horrible but she's weak. and wicked of course. you know, even this sorta ppl got their times to be down. she thought she's gonna break down anytime starting from now. and that could only mean that all those funny dumb thoughts are coming back to her telling her what to do. her looks tells me that she's gonna proceed to look for something sharp on her table... someone better stop her before it's too late.

and today again during mrs cheong's english lessons, i stared into the air wondering what i have been doing for the past whole year again. come and go, i feel so betrayer and unloyal. they are those friends that are still there while im not. im treating them as granted and like as if they are nothing. i wish they could just hate me. sorry. im the hypocrite who always jump around and chooses my friends. i dont fit to be a good friend of anyones. cos one day, i might just do the same thing to them. im a selfish freak who only thinks of myself. dont learn from me!!

well, at least today i had fun doing ice cream. and it really sorta cheered me up, keeping my mind off many things. im aiming really far this time round. hope i wont get oo disappointed too. i really wanna do something good. and guess its also good that poornima is not in my group. sometimes i have got enough of her. lol. oh ya, something to you guys too. my new addiction after ice cream is... CHICKEN NUGGETS. muahah. i tell you what, i cant live through the day if i dont have nuggets for recess. (:

i tried to let go, but i couldnt.
maybe im still going to hold on for a while,
but it wont last long, cos i know i dont have the strength to.
i just cant bear to tell my mind, let him go.
i have too many doubts and buts bout letting you go.
im really sorrie.

yes, alright, im recounting those memories again. and its like, for a while, i thought i lost them. but now, im picking them up again. like, i just think that they are not meant to be thrown away anyway. i should just treasure it now since im going to grow old one day and slowly forgetting them.

today, during english lesson, mrs cheong talked all bout the consequences from your every action. i guess she was right. one has conscience, what is done is done and you just have to face the sins you have planted. and from there, my mind was drifted off again, to five years back or so... where life was just so innocent, and how friendship lasts and love is like as pure as DISTILLED WATER. haha. (: so sweet yeahh? its never gonna be the same again since time waits for no man.

i met zhen yuan yesterday on bus 196. i wished i could have plucked up the courage and asked for his number since i havent been catching up with him for sometime. its like, he's mature now and muscular unlike the plump little boy i used to know. to be honest here, he used to have a crush on me. and he did all sorta things to win me over. but nar, that time i just thought its rather stupid. come to think of it, its rather sweet having to accept a CRYSTAL SWAN and i didnt know i was that popular then.

then suddenly i rmb daryl again. all the flashbacks just ran through my mind continously like a movie. so vivid as usual. and now, i would rate my top 3 best memories with whoever it is. dont be sad if you are not up there! it certainly takes time and of course hard for me to have a deep impression on something! (:
1. daryl waited for me sooo long at my house's bus stop on that stormy night just to ask for a catch up.
2. the whole of 21 february 2006.
3. the day i watched the movie: the nun, in june last year.
hey guys, anyway, i wanna make things clear here too. im saying all these now isnt because im still missing daryl or whatsoever but its all because those memories just floated back. i know they have been hidden in the darkest corner of my heart for a long time and they need to come back once in a while and to let me know that they are still there. i know, i dont wanna neglect them too. look, sometimes i really catch myself smiling at myself when im all alone on the bus cos i always rmb things like that. i no longer treat them as stupid things but surprisingly, they are those funny little parts and parcels of my memories that i definitely wanna keep throughout my life because they may seem silly to you, but special for me. and its like, my brain cant fit so much thing, but i DIE DIE also will want to keep my best friends like MUNYEE in my heeart always. (:

sorry for nagging again. im glad you finished reading all those up there. and if you happened to be my junior reading this right now, i bet you dont know whats going on. haha, its okay, since your still dont know me well enough. i shall tell your my grandma's story some other time. or you can just approach my current LIVE DIARY a.k.a. HOMUNYEE. and that means i tell her everything. haha. AND THAT INCLUDES ALL MY PASSWORD IN MY HANDPHONE. haha. MUNYEE, I TRUST YOU!! (:

i thank God for blessing me and everyone else around me, even if it includes my enemies. HAHA. but oh well, actually before mrs cheong's voice wake me up, the last thing i rmb i was thinking of was... singing baa baa black sheep. but when my mouth started opening after lessons, i sang, "but if i let you go, i would never know, what my life would be, holding you close to me. will i ever see, you smiling back at me, oh yeah, how i would i know, if i let you go..." i mean it.

okay, im being random. these pictures and taken just now and yeahh. enjoy! (:


first pic here. i thought this guy is rather cute. haha, look at the way he laugh, sorry, but im not falling in love with him. THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT. (:

HAHA. FINALLY I GOT A SHOT OF FIFI. (:

look. they spelled SMILE wrongly. its done by the manfort guys. and they spelled it as SIMLE at first. THEY ARE SEC 4s OKAY?! but it still looked quite nice in choc with a smiley face. and i took the pic like as if its on the wall rihgt? (:

MY MOMMY'S STALL (:

LOL, this is lame. I THINK PPL STILL SMOKE IN NTSS, obviously.

MY DARLING AND I. good shot (:

okay, im getting heavier. (: but sorry, thats with my sister puting her leg on the weighing scale too! HAHA

my teddy family. ((: certainly brings back memories.

porcupine chocolate. STOLE THE IDEA FROM MANFORT. ha-ha.

many hands. EATING BIRD FOOD. haha. okay, seriously, its PEAnuts. and WHITE CHOCOLATE!! muahah (YUM)

this one up there is specially dedicated to MUNYEE of course. (: but in the end it was still eaten!!

and i was bored. so i did that up there, my lovely chocolate. trust me, i one do one so ugly like this for valentines. HAHA

guess what im going to show you guys? CHOCOLATE, specially made by guoyi!! that's safe for sure and its really awesome. i learnt this technic just now during the class at sp called food innovation!! yeahh, as you can see photos up there that really took me some time to put on, even though it looked a LITTLE disgusting BUTTTT DO NOT JUDGE THE BOOK BY ITS COVER. its so nice you gotta try it once at least. anyway i agreed its fun cos i really played the whole time with those GUYS and of course messed me these sticky stuff. then after that, i forgot i was supposed to meet marla so i went home already since munyee told me to. guys!! im going to make some good food for you so wait patiently!! hmm, i will be back soon with my new G&G's ice-cream cake. (:

alright, now my time to update bout what happened just now for the day of 23jan07, a BORING tuesday with me PISSEDDDDDDDDD offf really badly. HAHA. but honestly, guoyi knows herself, and she never really gets pissed. EXCEPT AFTER GETTING A NONSENSE SLAP FROM SOME DISRESPECTFUL BITCH. how bout putting it in more detailed? NO, i dont want others to start saying that im a LIAR. like how i was used to. LOL.

okay, enough of this, even though im not feeling good today, TIMOTHY KHOR has amazingly cheered me up... cos we went home together and he told me this funny fact that he's actually the first time eating a cake and that the cake is made out of OUR HANDS. haha. timothy, if you are reading this, i want you to knwo that i feel that the cake is also PARTIALLY made by you since you really made a mess in the kitchen just now teasing me, and peeling those pathetic grapes skins off. HAHA. alright, and im still quite agitated because of poornima giving away my cakes to ppl like shiva instead of kenneth and yoges cos i promised them i would... oh well, i would od a better one for them next time then! (:

how bout revealing the answers of my quiz previously? hmm, prepare... drum roll please! (: but anw, apparently i received most answers as Bs and then followed by Cs but sadly, no Ds at all, amazingly, but i will still tell you what it means. and rmb? i chose B!! (lousy ans but its so freaking true.) yeahh, and believe it or not its up to you cos im ther counsellor here. haha. so here's how it goes: for those who have chosen...

A.) knock on the door ONCE.
and that can only mean that you are a cheerful person who's always looking forward to everything and that love is an important thing in you life. even though you're shy, you patiently wait for your other half to appear though he may not be ready yet too. you will be there anytime to start off a new even though you may have one or two failures in relationships but it's alright cos you recover just as soon!
definitely!
chances of getting into a relationship = 60%

B.) knock on the door TWICE.
you have been hurt very badly the previous time and therefore you are running away from the fact now and that you never want the same thing to happen again so you never dare to try it again. love is like that, you gotta learn from past experiences cos no one's perfect. time to get back to reality and that once again, try again. open up your heart and accept others.
(:
chances of getting into a relationship = 40%

C.) do nothing bout it and simply walk away.
you totally give up on this sorta mushy stuff. maybe it didnt suit you cos you are too ambitious or you never thought of starting a sweet relationship, loving someone differently from the way you love you family and friends. you just think that its not the time for it. maybe you did just that you ended harshly cos you think its too boring for you and its a waste of time for both sided. or if there's some other special reason behind it, dont be afraid, just go for it. start thinking bout it, or it might be too late cos you need to start a family soon too! dont say NO when you are being confessed anymore.
hehe.
chances of getting into a relationship = 20%

D.) start screaming.
oh well, guess you have been desperate. wanting to get into a relationship as much as anything else. there can be many reasons behind this... probably that you want attention, maybe even some experiences? peer pressure, or even that you wanna find back the love that you lost? sometimes, you just have to let nature take its course, cos you will still end up leaving your partner when you realised that you didnt really love him or her afterall.
gosh, dont let stupid things happen, pretty please?
chances of getting into a relationship = 80%

how bout six months? i havent really cried this badly for... six months? cos you were the one, who made me broke my record, made me break my promise and made me cry. youu, the culprit, what can i do to you to stop all these from happening? they are happening i know, but i hope it will come to an end soon.

do you know?
how many times a day i missed you, wondering if i took the wrong step. i tried to insist and comfort myself that i didnt, but apprarently, something tell me its totally wrong. somehow, regrets are filling in. you dont know the times i pressed your handphone number on my handphone, cos i wanted to say sorry, or even say hi. sometimes, i dont even know why but i just realised your number was on my handphone's screen. but still, i managed to self-control. and to press cancel the everytimes i almost dial.

and so i was so freaking distracted i left vid alone and i couldnt say anything to her. but hey vid, i do hope my presence there makes you feel better, alright? thanks for understanding. i certainly think that im making a fool outta myself out there whenever i wanna secretly look at you, to see how you are but turn my head off immediately when you catch my eye. that's plain stupidness. who can be as retarded as me? a girl who doesnt know what shes doing, yet she continues. maybe its not as bad as being like vid, at least everyone cares. HA-HA. then maybe i will catch your that little attention? MAYBE, I WISH.

hey guoyi, whats up with you? how can you just abandon your so called best friend and do things your way. you are being so selfish. but look, he cares. just that he didnt make it as obvious as before. and you are being too greedy. so can you stop it please please pretty please? so childish and naive. just wake up la. this is no longer a dream, its a nightmare now. cmon, you started it, just go back and undo it, and yeahh, thats it, everything will be alright. (AND I WANT TO UNDO IT IF I HAVE GOT A CHANCE.)


guess what? come to think of it, i think everything's too late. its my fault. theres no way its coming back, even though im still patiently waiting for time to go back on its own...

and i think i just broke down again. im sorrie. i dont wanna anything bout my life gotta do with you anymore. im a burden, a big prob. just let me be. LET ME GO. im getting sick and tired. im giving up, hear that? i have got enough. just forget bout me, forget bout the times we had together. its over. does it matter? if im really there or not...

how bout a quiz here? tagg me your answers! ((:

one day, you're lost in the jungle. but as you walk alone, you come across this wooden house that really makes you feel like you are in a fairytale. so... what will you do?
A.) knock on the door ONCE.
B.) knock on the door TWICE.
C.) do nothing bout it andd simply walk past.
D.) start screaming.
my answer is B. and it has got some real meaning behind it. try it, and i shall reveal the answer in a few days time. so do come back and visit! (hint: has got something to do with LOVE.)

okay, im rather upset now after suddenly bringing up the topic of drifting from the clique. whoever is reading this from the clique and understands what im talking bout, then i just wanna apologise and say many many BIG sorries. i dont know whats been into me but things really are changing. im becoming so lousy, so loser, so sucky, giving up everything and that includes all my besties buddies... i hate it!! so guoyis giving up all these because of what? studies?! her parents?! but what did she get? regrets and regrets only. look, she's not even allowed to go church even if shes good staying at home. thats like, SO FREAKING UNFAIR!im so afraid... that i will just give up on stupid things like...
VIDYA?! NO, NEVER!! SURE BOUT THAT.
STUDIES?! I DO HOPE NOT...
LOVE?! probably... i dont know...
the friendship with you-know-who?! i think i already did...
oh whateva it is, i really dont know hwat to do. its like. gosh, everythings squeezing into my brain, poor me, gotta take one thing at a time... zz... help. DONT LET ME BE SUCIDAL AGAIN.
AND I SIMPLY DOESNT FIT TO BE IN THE FAMILY OF NTE. NO, IM NOT, GET IT?!

girl, sorry, im so so sorry... after only reading you post, i know that i have irritated you, disturbed you... should have given you the freedom right? but i want you to know, at that moment, when i saw you walking out of the school, i ran sooo fast i didnt know what i was doing... i was just so worried you might just dash out into the road and do anything silly... i thought my accompany might make you feel better... alright, maybe im wrong, but please please i beg you, never give up? cos i havent a time given up on you cos yes, i still see the old vidya in you. you are just right there, but dont let these things overcome you. rmb what i told you? ms tan really really wants you to play, but of course, we need to get your health back first right? nobody's looking down you cmon. i knwo you can do it too. sometimes, i just run out of words to say but i believe you know what i want to say. then listen, will you? you existence really matters to me. you are going to pass o levels with flying colours. you are going to be a very successful person in life. you are going to. YES YOU ARE.

WAAAA, i got to see TAN YIYAN TODAY. HA-HA. she's SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FREAKING CHIO, & she's gotta boyfriend okay. that's like, WOW. DONT PLAY LA. cool. haha. and its like, what bout me? no where, no one wants. like, cant compare with them. IM UGLYYYYY. gosh. help. and yeah, nicholas and yvonne were there too. its like, its not meant to be liddat. cos its supposed to me meeting yvonne for A WHILE, and then there comes nicholas POPING out of no where just sitting down with us. HUH, and after an HOUR or so, yiyan came and said HI, and she also joined us in our CONTAGIOUS LAUGHTER. we seemed to be the only NOISY ones in CLEMENTI MACS. haha. so yeah, i think we continued for another THREE hours while spending almost TEN BUCKS to buy FRIES only. haha. and bout half an hour before we left, benjamin goh appeared. even though he only knows me, he was FRIENDLY and HAD FUN TOGETHER. LOL. so yeahh, by the time i reached home, i got stomach CRAMPS over laughing. KEKEXZ. ((: i also saw julian on the bus, but i dont know, something made me IGNORE him. HEHE.

MATHS TEST. apparently, i got my RESULTS. fine, let's not describe how DISAPPOINTED i got. BORDER-LINE FAIL. HAVE THE GUOYI YOU KNOW EVER GOT THAT LOW FOR MATHS?!?! then what's next? i almost CRIED in class this morning THANKS TO MRS LENA ANG for talking bout Jesus being cruxified. its HORRID. eeew. HELP. im not gonna think bout it again. YUCK. bleh. nevertheless, FOUR periods of MS ANG'S lessons makes one VOMITS. TNANK God. that's TWO hours to remind you.
BUT THE THING THAT SPOILED MY DAY WAS DURING P.E.. WHY? THAT'S BECOS I TOOK MY HEIGHT AND WEIGHT. FACE THE FACT, GUOYI: YOU ARE FAT AND SHORT; UGLY AND NO ONE WANTS. SUCKY.


had been sleepy cos i havent gotta to rest well. sigh sigh, and im still facing much prob here. hope you understand and stand me for being crazy once in a while.
sometimes, i really really do miss you.

training was rather fun today even though i dont admit that its a slacky and sloppy one. i enjoyed cos i was guiding the sec 1s all the way for somehow a reason or another you know that i dont get to play in B zone. let's nort talk bout it agian okay... gonna upset me only. haha. so yeah, SOOOOO many of them joined us and its like, im glad mr singh came down too! (:
guys, i guess you enjoyed more than i did yeah?! MWUAHHHH. (so much saliva. HEHE)

thankyou. thankyou very much. thankyou so much. i know you are there. i know that. and i really do. but i thought im being greedy. for wanting something mroe than that. its like, oh forget it, ignore what im thinking then. sorry. sigh. nvm, and you know what, i guess someone proved me wrong. she told me i was right when i said you have changed. oh well. did you? or was i the one? i dont know. the thing i know is im getting confused up. at time to time, i kept asking myself, is it worth it? do you care? sometimes i get the answer YES, while most of the other times a NO. so apparently, my poor and sick heart is telling me to give up since im getting tired of it. now i know how difficult it is to continue it, this friendship, that i never thought would turn sour. have you bothered reviving it? or drag on, letting it drift in the wide blue sea endlessly? you know, im in the wrong too. neither have i put in the effort, i guess.


& i prayed for the YOU i used to know to come back.
but nar, it's never gonna happen. what a comfort.

anyone wanna help me with a little gastric prob here? i dont know what's going on inside but yeahh, one thing i know, im getting pale becos of it. oh well, serve me right, i deserve this. im sinful. so would i be able to go school tmr? that would be a good question. i dont wanna miss any more classes okay! and i still got a ton of homework waiting for me behind! stop lying in bed, guoyi!


it has always been a good friendship. yes i know. i have always tried my best to treasure it. but did you? sometimes i doubt so. of course, i dont wanna compare the status between me and her or drag her into this story of ours. you got too many of your sis and i wonder if i make a difference too. i rmb how sweet it was when two of us can hang out around the malls and eat ice cream together. but have it happened again?
i thought, THAT DAY, ended everything. so tell me, have it? i know you know what im referring to. cos i just dont seem to forget a single detail of it. unless i have always been nothing to you, you would have forgotten it long long ago. at first, i thought we were drifting away, and i thought i was thinking too much. but then soon, time proved to me that everything was was just right. it just seemed impossible for you to handle everything so well. i guess i probably have been a burden to you, that's why i chose to leave and that i can also go for a new lifestyle. now here you are again, wanting me back, are you? are you selfish or am i the one, throwing away this perfect wonderful "friend", that is you? i said if time machine existed, i would choose not to know you from the start and not to change the way things are. that's because it has been a tiring experience.






& YOU made me so FUCKING CONFUSED up again cos only YOU can do it.

















but you know the truth? if i really have a time machine, i would rebuild this friendship cos it means to me more than anything else, be it to give up that long waiting love.

and my freaking knuckles hurt. thanks to myself, for whacking the wall so hard, they went numbed and got swollened up. lol. now i have difficulty at typing. haha. oh well, currently feeling quite cold cos i think i got drenched again. hais. anyway, bryan asked me out for a movie. hmm, i really wanted to go! but ya... how would my mom ever let me go on this wet sunday afternoon... and im left alone in the house to study with my handphone when its so dead. help.
there's training tmr! i wanna go. but i still dont get to play in the tournament and especially in the first game on thursday vs peicai. goshh. whyy. me=suck ):

I HATE ANONYMOUS.

now i know. i not only inspired my little juniors to become student leaders, also did i inspired them to be softballers! suddenly i feel like as if im a very successful person. but hey guys, your just go for what's best for you okay? dont get peer pressure and be influenced like how i was used to be. haha. take care and im gonna be watching over your like an angel!

suddenly i fell like going to church. nar. but i know my idiotic mom wouldnt let me cos she insist on her way, always. sighh. what to do? im still waiting.

i thought i just rmb an incident that happened this morning. it was indeed hilarious. my mother's friend asked me while my mom was away, "hey, so... how you are studying in NTU now or NUS?" then i gave a very loud "HUH?!" and laughed my head off. i claimed that im in sec 3 this year and she told me to stop hiding my age. HAHA. oh well, I KNOW IM MATURE. BUT DONT MAKE ME SOUND LIKE IM OLDDDDDDDD. LOL


off to cake baking again. zz.

to anonymous:
you know, everytime i thought i have forgotten certain things... you never failed to remind me of them all over again;
everytime i catch myself smiling and laughing alone, i know its all because those memories came back;
everytime when tears begin to fill my face, i know its all because i started wondering why i cant go back time; everytime i thought promises are meant to be fulfilled but now i know im wrong cos they are meant to be broken; everytime i eat ice cream cos im supposed to be happy but im lying but no one knows why;
everytime i wanna start this life all over again but i always cant do it.
everytime when i tried to pluck up the courage to love again, i prayed that history wont repeat itself. but even if it didnt, another sad story would befall on me. that's why its not as easy as how one can do it. you may be able to, but sorry, i dont know how. once bitten, twice shy. i cant help but fill myself with regrets.if only love is as easy as spoken, i would be the happiest girl on Earth.

everytime i hope that you would be there for me,
you would always be there.


but not for me.








and only for her.

ERR, GUOYI HAS GONE HIGH AND NUTS AFTER DRINKING SOME COKE light & diet COKE DURING AEM CLASS JUST NOW. OH NO, HOW?! what to do??

boo! timothy's not online again. and i got no one to grumble at! saddd. haha. zz. its okay, store my anger and vent it on the ice-cream. but nar, not tonight, i just had a PROPER DINNER, yeahh, right, rice and soup. haha. so that's enough for me.

today school sucked. its so rainy, and its leaking on the roof! gosh. and im freaking drenched when im back, and i dont wanna fall sick! but i already am. oh well, anyway, then after school we are supposed to go for CCA open house and then i cant! why? that's because i got the freaking idiotic AEM. I WASTED MY 3HRS LISTENING TO A LECTURE I DONT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND AT ALL. ITS ALL BUOT BUSINESS. lol. my juniors are joining softball toO! cool. i inspired them to be student leaders too. that's my goal.
okay, next, today, i heard rumors on the this guy named, ZHIXIANG, and me, and the rumor says: HE LIKES ME. and he's younger. NO WAY!! haha. that's evil and direct but im sorry, he's like my cute little brother ((: so what's up with him, and his friends?! crapp. dont spoil my reputation. im the school's CARE & CONCERN ambassador. cmon, pleaseeee.
so that's also this AEM after school that really tires me out. and i also had a great time laughing. obviously thanks to simin as usual. POORNIMA ACTUALLY LEFT EARLY WITH FIFI. wth. they pon-ded. haha. and there's this guy, that somehow keep attracting my attention after hearing my giggles when im sitted behind him. and guess what, he got a freaking DUMB NAME called, MICHAEL JORDAN. ya, and my name is AVRIL LAVIGNE. LOL. yeahh, he's retarded honestly, following me hear and there, everywhere. HAHA, lucky i was with munyee and simin. (: so freaking irritatinggggggggg.

when i went home with julian, he sorta "scolded" me. really made me cry after i get down. he was like " PANGSEH LA!?" then i blur blur and ask what. and he said cos i drift away from the clique. so he asked "dont wanna see ahmad is it?" so what's he's prob man. dragging him in again. rubbish la. and its like i dont know why but i was having a very bad headache so cant be bothered with him. lala. julian did wake me up, but so? AHMAD ISNT IN NTSS ANYMORE. ALAL. AND WHY SHOULD I AVOID HIM. WHO IS HE MAN. BLAH BLAH. i hang out with the sec 1s isnt because im pathetic, its because i have changed, get it? thanks for being understanding.

blogger's still a little mad. so am i. haha. just finished another tub of haagen DUST. haha. its good, COFFEE. i wanted to eat that zoea's house at first, but turned out that my dad's friend actually bought a tub for me back home too. seems like everyone knows that i LOVE<3333 ice cream. MUAHAHA. thank God for that's for dinner again. what's with me? I ADMIT I DID SLIM DOWN 3KG ALREADY AND YET, WHAT THE HELL AM I STILL DOING?! gotta stop this before it gets worse. nooooooooo. i dont wanna become like vid okay. that's like too much.

anyway, did another maths test today in class which cost 10marks and requires us to do A SIMPLE ALGEBRA QUESTION IN A MINUTE FOR TEN QUESTIONS. and you know what? ONE OF THE QUESTIONS GOES LIKE THIS: 2y+3x = blahh; 2xy = blahh. yeahh, you're right, ITS APPARENTLY STIMULTANEOUS. so how did i fair? i dont know, one thing im sure, it sure IS A SURPRISE TEST, GIVING ME HEART ATTACK ON THE SPOT AND I DIDNT FINISH. HOW CAN I?!?!?!? for once, im gonna hate ms ang for being sooooooooo kind. she's been so nice to give us a test before recess when we just had 2hrs of her lessons. MATHS LESSONS. lol, WELL DONE.

there's open house tmr! woots. and what's worse? I CANT SEEM TO GO. THAT'S BECAUSE KIND MRS LIM POSTPONED TODAY'S AEM TO TMR. soooooo great of her. i dont get to see who's joining softball. i dont get to help pull ppl. i dont get to see my junior. i dont get to have fun with soo many ppl. i dont get to see their parents. i dont get to go around playing games in the booth. i dont get anything!! boo hoo. mommmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. )):


you said you would call me back, but you didnt.
help;
someone help me get rid of this irritating sickness.
i wanna face reality.

something's wrong with blogger so yeah, i guess i just wanna tell you guys i finished another tub of BEN'S&JERRY'S icecream called the COOKIES&CREAM ((:

sorry, anorexic's looking for me again. hands trembling. havent eaten for the day. not even drinking much. and yet im still crapping and laughing my energy off. aww. oh ya. and i forgot you are having tuition now. haha. JIAYOU (:

just reached home... so tired but on the line with zoea... its like, we are here crapping away, wasting our life away instead of studying and BATHING. HAHA.okay okay, i know i stink, but im really sleepy now, and there's nothing much for me to do. so i guess by looking at this 21 inches computer will make me stay awake a little though.

today attended the AEM on food innovation and its AWESOME. im the class rap and mr alfred goh is in charged. its damnnnnn coooool! i love it, enjoyed it and of course, looking forward. my team is called the G & G, stands for GU-GU-GA-GA(lame, i know) but the real meaning behind it is GEORGE GOH, actually referring to mr goh himself. oh well, on the other way, HOWEVER, I MISSING THE TOURNAMENTS. EVERYTHING THAT SUPPOSEDLY MEAN SOOO MUCH TO ME. gosh, what's going on, why liddat? whyy meeeeeeeeee???? why cant i just get AEM and into the games. *CRY*

sorry, i sorta missed you at that time? and then so ya, aiyah, nvm. whateva it is, haha, i have got my juniors accompanying me home now. hmm, take care and good luck, YOU ARE NOT GONNA FAIL YOUR MATHS TEST. cheeeeeeeer up. (waiting for you to online!!)


and now talking to bryan SHORT on the phone. haha.

hmm, apparently, i want you to know that the last paragraph from the previous post was meant for you. im waiting for you to fill it up. but im not sure if it will leak or not. im so sorrie. i really feel touched after reading it. been thinking lotsa stuff ytd when i rather down. guess what? vid's been telling me how good a guy you are. haha. indeed siding you. and its like, you are the last man standing you know? haha, hope you understand that. and yeahh, anw, maybe.. we should be back to last time, how close we were that time, but also its time to study. so, aiyah, i dont know how to say this but i know you are smart enough to understand. i hope you meant what you say cos i meant it too. i enjoyed your company and really love the way you make me smile with your weird jokes. its just so special unlike others. we may seem to have little time with each other, but still we know how important we are to each other. so i really really really really really hope we can study hard together and get into the same JC together and yeah, by that time, we would probably be ready? i do hope so. one last thing, rmb how i keep seeing you in school everyday and yet only smile to each other? so many a time i got the urge to go up to you and say, hey, hows everything? we havent been talking... its like, STRANGER. i dont want that to happen okay. haha. i dont wanna feel awkward everytime i see you. i wanna be natural. so must you okay? and thank you sooo much for changing for the better, whether it is for me or not. wondering how you are feeling now, cos im still a little confused bout whats going between us, and i dont wanna our work to be affected too. see you around tmr recess! (:

hmmm, finally get to blog! been talking for a freaking hour with my friends online, especially timothy and zoea! (: hmm, rather disappointed when ms tan told me she wont be registering my name down for the B division in softball team. LOOK, NOT EVEN A RESERVED, TOTALLY DONT GET TO PLAY AT ALL. gosh, can you imagine how i feel? that's like, almost hell i guess? cmon la, its my dreammmmmm lorr. and the thing is, ITS NOT BECOS OF MY INJURY ON MY LEG. but studies. AEM. wonderful. regrets taking it. argh. what to do, i cant seem to back out now. its so tiring. think, staying back everyday for rubbish and then going home late at night to study for tests and doing homework. what is this life? repeating and repeating. oh well, but nar, im not giving up! cos timothy and munyee's there to push me. guys, buck up too! im here to catch your when your fall. and timothy, LET'S GO NJ TOGETHER YEAH?! our common goal to look up to. let me tell munyee bout it too! gotta to rush back to study but let me make somethings clear la.

i thought my heart is really vaccant now. for i have really let go the past. my heart's as empty as my piggybank. HAHA. (NOW THAT WAS A JOKE.) and i dont knwo who's gonna fill it up. i gotta feeling something's coming back. and yet he doesnt know. he might be reading, but yet he doesnt understand. but so what? its not the time. we need to be good students. we will still be the best of friends like we always have been. lately, i have been stress. other than munyee, i dont seem to find a person comfortable to talk to. its like, here my solving others problems, acting like a cheerful girl who cares for everyone, but there inside, im a depressed kid who's struggling with my parents and HIM. i dont know how to deal with it, & i really dont know how.


help me-
& i really want you to know that i like you.

ahh, im getting so so so so irritated. yamato nadeshiko shichi henge on youtube just wont buffer. I WANNA WATCHHHHHHHHHH. haha. hmm, early in the morning im here to make noise again. oh well, later i gonna get back to work anw, so just let me be will ya? hah. anyway, i found my hair so short while looking into the mirror just now. sooooooooo ugly. argh, im always ugly. im a hungry man now, i wanna bake cake!!!!

hmm, surprisingly, many of the 1e3-ians kept in contact with me by adding me online, on friendster and of course sms me. im so glad i get to see them everyday in school but at the same time, sad that the orientation is sucha short one and i havent really start chatting with them on personal stuff la. and also, i really do hope this year, softball will get to recruit more ppl and we will have a family of softballers, a very very big team, to win for mdm neo and prove to the whole school that we can do it and not look down on us!! (:

alright, i have comfortable got myself 15hrs of sleep, not yet broke my previous record of 16hrs. haha. so now i know how it feels like running a only probably 10++hrs camp and you can be dead beat. but i guess its cool. its like, within these three days, i thought i became some adults or something who can actually lead a whole class of 40 pupils. sigh. i think seeing them smile is worth the every bead of perspiration.

i want to thank my class e1/3 for giving me this chance to prove my ability of being a leader and im glad that they managed to win the bouquet of flowers and being called the most cheerful class even though they are not. haha. they have been very good especially for the girls and exception for some guys that stressed me out. i do hope 1/3 enjoyed my accompany too. guys, have fun staying in newtown and do often keep in contact with me okay? i will be more than happy to see your! (:

school's lessons being tiring too. its like, homework streaming in like a flood and tests are coming so i must be well prepared, studying and going crazy... stuff liddat can kill. but i gotta manage well, cos that's what i promised my darling munyee! (:

WHOO. i cant believe school's starting tmr. hmm, somehow, this year im more enthu, feeling anxious. haha. alright. just came out from the bathroom, and felt rather unhappy bout my body figure since im really having the little tummy bulging out. GONNA SLIM DOWN IN 2007, MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL.

im rather upset after unsucessfully baking the chocolate cake and even worse, i burnt my finger AGAIN. sobb. crap. actually it was alright, but thanks to my sister's irritatingness, oh well, I JUST HATE IT.

happy new year guys. its been a great year in 2006 and i really do hope it will be a better one in the coming 2007, or maybe its here already.

2007 new year resolutions:
i wanna drop all the bad and sadd memories and pick the good ones only.
i wanna stay faithful to God and be a good girl and study hard for my o levels.
i wish i wouldnt spend so much money on shopping again and save more and put them in my piggy.
i want to go home early after school and revise what i have done in school.
i hope i can make more friends and not enemies.
i want to stay single so that it wont affect my studies but i dont mind if i can find some cute to take care of me! (:
i hope my hard work wont pay off and i will get good results by the end of the year.
i want everyone around me including ME, the sick one to stay healthy, cheerful and lucky so that we can live happily ever after!
thank God for everything. bless. ;)